


A million dreams is all it's gonna take

by ilovetodream (thatpeculiarone), loueh__tommoo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Family Drama, Future Fic, Kid Fic, M/M, Past Mpreg, Self-Indulgent, Slow Build, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-02-27 20:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 81,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13255707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatpeculiarone/pseuds/ilovetodream, https://archiveofourown.org/users/loueh__tommoo/pseuds/loueh__tommoo
Summary: Breaking News: One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has left the band.Louis Tomlinson QUITS One DirectionOne Direction, five no more?Carter Tomlinson has lived sixteen years of her life, having never met her other father. One day, she decides to escape from her hometown of Doncaster and to London, to find answers and to hopefully meet the man who has them.Or, a purely self-indulgent fic where it was Louis who left the band in 2015 and seventeen years later, his daughter defies him to go meet her other father. The man that Louis once loved and the man he has tried to keep her from for years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Thank you to anyone who clicks on this story. This story has been in the motion for years now and it's taken me a while to think about posting it. I'm posting this on anonymous because I'm unsure of whether I want to keep it up or not. If you like it so far, let me know and I will definitely motivate myself to write the rest (and take it off anonymous)
> 
> I hope you enjoy, this is purely a self-indulgent fic so lots and lots of fluff is expected. I'm throwing the angst in there too, if you didn't already expect it from the description.
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you like it!
> 
> -J
> 
> Title from A Million Dreams from the movie: The Greatest Showman
> 
>  **Now available in the follow translations!**  
> [RUSSIAN](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6544301) \- a special thanks to loueh__tommoo

** PROLOGUE **

 

_"Breaking News: One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has left the band"_

 

_"Louis Tomlinson QUITS One Direction"_

 

_"One Direction, five no more?"_

 

**Louis Tomlinson left the band unexpectedly; band confirms.**

 

If you ever wanted to know a sad day in the One Direction fandom, it was the day the eldest member of the band - Louis Tomlinson - left the band after five long years.

 

On July 23rd 2015, on the five year anniversary of the band being formed, One Direction confirmed that one fifth of the band had decided to call it quits. The band posted a link to a Facebook status on all their social media, which announced that due to personal problems Tomlinson (23) had decided that he no longer wanted to be apart of the band. In the statement it stated that ‘the leave was quite unexpected for everyone, and that Louis was sorry for his departure but he wanted everyone to understand that he left for reasons he did not wish to discuss with the public.’

 

Louis left the North American leg of the tour, a day or two before they performed at Edmonton, Canada. No one knows why and Louis is yet to make a proper statement himself, however their management has confirmed his leaving and the band has performed without him for the past few weeks.

 

Though in recent light, One Direction had their first post Louis interview where it was confirmed that the band had no idea he was leaving. In an interview with James Cordon on his show _The Late Late Show with James Cordon_ they were asked about how they felt about their friends departure; and their answers shocked all.

 

_"We had no idea he was going to leave"_ Band's middle man Liam Payne (21) said _"it was so unexpected and we weren't told by him and instead by our management"_

 

_"We were not only pretty much astonished but upset as well"_ Now eldest in the band Zayn Malik (22) said _"Louis wasn't there when we were told and we felt kind of betrayed, especially because we had no idea he was leaving - he was fine right up until he left"_

 

_"We have contacted him"_ Payne mentioned _"And he has told us he is fine, but due to his problems, he couldn't talk to us any further"_

 

James Cordon further asked if the band knew what his personal problems were, to which Harry Styles (21) responded no.

 

The band seems to be quite upset and shocked about Louis' leaving, but despite it all, they have still continued touring and have dropped a new single called "Drag Me Down’. The edgy tune, which only features the four of them, was co written by Louis Tomlinson but a statement released by their management has declared that they got his full permission to still use the song. 

 

The band all wish Louis the best with his future endeavours.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: I have no beta so any editing mistakes are all on me. If you notice any, don't hesitate to let me know so I can fix it up.
> 
> Thanks! - J

**PART l: REUNITED**

 

**& C  &**

 

**July, 2032**

 

There were many traits Carter could use to describe herself: tall, athletic, silly, boring. Though if there was one that she would pick that stood out amongst the others to the fullest extent — it was that she was unbelievably _unorganised_. 

 

It wasn’t her fault, her pop was one of the most lazy and unprepared people she had ever encountered. He never remembered where his files were, or where he’d last placed his keys. They’d go without milk for days because he always forgot to run to the shops after work and there were a moment or a hundred where he had to rush out the door because he was late for a meeting.

 

So, needless to say, Carter believed that her unorganised-ness was a genetic trait. 

 

She labelled herself as unorganised for her inability to plan _anything_. Whether it was the assignments she did for home schooling or meeting up with someone for coffee. She was utterly useless at preparing for things, and just took things as they came. She woke up everyday to a field of spontaneity and that’s how she liked it… in fact that’s how she _loved_ it. 

 

Yet, in all sixteen years of her life, there was only _one_ day that she had taken to planning for quite sometime. A day she had dreamt of since she was a little girl. She had prepared for this day for a while now — it was the day that she had planned by the minute, starting with the time she got up in the morning. 

 

It went like this; she got up at seven in the morning — like she usually did. She had a shower, dried her hair, did her make up (if you can call the application of only mascara and lipgloss: make up) and got dressed. She then went downstairs at seven thirty, where her father sat in his usual spot at the kitchen table, eating his cereal and reading the paper. She never understood why her pop would read the newspaper, considering he had no interest in politics. He did like the sports section though, particularly football. Football was his favourite - hers too.

 

She then poured her own bowl of cereal and spent the next five minutes talking with her pop. They talked about their plans for the day - which consisted of him going to work and her stating that she was doing practically nothing considering it was summer break. Then he would get up, grab his things and be out the door by quarter to eight. Carter stood in the doorway and waved him off until he was out of sight. She then waited a good five minutes incase he forgot something (which was an usual occurrence) and returned home, before she ran upstairs to get her plan into motion.

 

She hated lying to her pop, though this was one thing she couldn't tell him; no matter what. If she told him about her genius plan, it wouldn't work out to be a genius plan as it would never happen and the day she had dreamt of would shatter right before her eyes. She didn't blame her father for trying to prevent this day from happening ever since she was born, but she couldn't help but betray him just this once so that it could.

 

With her duffle bag on her shoulder and her phone clasped in her hand, Carter exited the house at eight and immediately hopped into the commodore which sat running in her driveway. In the driver seat was her best friend, who just gave Carter a wary glance before reversing out and onto the street, where she sped off in the direction of their destination. 

 

A song from some recent band played on the radio. The song was electronic and the voices were horribly auto tuned and Carter couldn't help but wince at the music. Her pop hated modern day music, he always made sure she grew up with the music he did, or the music from around the time she was born. Her favourite artist happened to be Ed Sheeran, and it was funny to know that he once knew her dad.

 

Carter reached over and changed the channel, to a radio station that she knew played the hits from years ago. It was another song that suited the EDM category and although it wasn’t something she definitely preferred, she didn’t make a fuss of changing it and let it become a distraction from the tense silence in the car. Carter knew that her friend was holding her tongue and willing herself to keep driving, instead of doing a U turn and taking the both of them right back to Carter’s home. She had voiced her complaints about the situation so many times that Carter could remember them word for word. She knew that her friend was just looking out for her, but it did get agitating.

 

Ten minutes passed before Carter finally decided to say something.

 

“Dee, you don’t have to do this. I can just walk to the train station” She said to her friend, gripping her bag tighter in her arms. 

 

Her friend rolled her eyes “It’s like a two hour walk from here. I may not be happy about this but I’m always gonna support you C”

 

Carter felt reassured by that and relaxed in her seat, feeling the tension that was once there simmer down. 

 

The car ride was only silent for another few minutes, before Dee decided to speak again.

 

“Okay, so run me through the plan again” She began, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel “Just so I know what your movements are the minute you leave this car”

 

Dee acted like a mother sometimes to Carter, despite their only two year age gap. Though, Dee was technically Carter’s aunt — due to the fact that she was the youngest sister of her father. However despite Dee being her aunt, they were best friends and were more like sisters than anything. However, she seemed to pick up certain traits from her father, and one of them was responsibility. She knew her father wasn’t the most responsible bloke before she was born, but the second she arrived into the world, the tables turned. And Dee, who was only so little when she was born, had adopted many of her pop’s mannerisms. Thus, her turning all parental on Carter when she did anything slightly risk taking. 

 

“Once you drop me at the train station, I’ll catch the 9:15 train to Kings Cross. I should arrive at Kings Cross at approximately 11. From there I will catch a taxi to the house and if all goes well, I may be meeting my other father today”

 

The hesitation and worry that plagued her friend’s face almost made Carter want to quit this whole thing. She had been waiting for this day forever, a day she didn’t even think would come. Yet she knew that through this, she’d be practically giving her pop an aneurysm. He was so protective over her, and the minute he would discover that she was in London — he’d flip his shit. She knew that Dee keeping this secret had also done a number on her stress. She was breaking out with acne and she was jittery all the time. She thanked the heavens that Dee’s twin brother Ernie was now residing in Manchester, cause otherwise she would of cracked in an instant around him. Those twins can barely keep any secrets from each other.

 

“This is the same address you typed into my phone right?” Dee said “You aren’t giving me a fake address are you and going to a completely different place?”

 

Carter rolled her eyes “The address you were given is the right address. I’m not an idiot Dee, I’m going to make sure you know where to find me”

 

The older girl pursed her lips but didn’t say anything further. They both sat in the car in silence as Dee drove towards the town centre, in the direction of the train station.

 

The town Carter lived in was a small place in Yorkshire, England named Doncaster. It was a beautiful town and she always said she was lucky enough to have grown up there. The people there were friendly, the history behind the place was magnificent and what Carter especially loved was the town’s love of football. As her Aunt Lottie would always say “you are your father’s daughter after all”. She had been raised by a footy loving man, in a footy loving town so of course, her main interest would be that wonderful sport. 

 

As if it was a coincidence, the town’s main stadium - Keepmoat - was coming up on the right and Carter looked out at it with a smile. The first time she had visited that stadium was when she was three months old, and her father had taken her to see the Donny Rovers win a victory match. She can’t remember seeing that match, as she was obviously so young, but she’d seen videos of it and always got so annoyed that she wasn’t born years earlier to witness that match for her memory. Though as her dad always told her, she was luckier then most kids. She had been able to play at the Keepmoat plenty of times, sometimes with just only her dad, and other times with the Donny Rovers themselves. She also got to watch their training sessions, and their matches they did every other week. She got to watch them from executive suites with her pop, and sometimes with Ernie or either her grandad Mark or grandpa Dan. She had been very lucky, and she always kept that in mind. She wasn’t just lucky because of some of the exclusive things her pop gave her, but because of the fact that he was her pop in the first place.

 

Carter could already feel herself getting homesick, so she pulled herself from her thoughts to look out the window. She could see they were nearing the train station, which was only a couple of roads away. It wasn’t a far trip to get to the train station, especially since Doncaster traffic was pretty light compared to the major cities in England. She’d been on many trips with her pop to Manchester and London, along with Liverpool and Leeds. The traffic in places like them was hectic, so much so that it made her sometimes resent those cities. Doncaster on the other hand was quiet, and that’s what she loved about it. It was peaceful but lively and maybe that’s why she hated to leave it. Dee wasn’t the only one who had doubts about this trip, Carter did too — in fact her’s were probably way more extreme then her friend’s could be. Everything was riding on this one trip, basically her whole future in fact. She was finally living the day that she dreamt about every night as a young child.

 

A few stoplights and turns later, they were parked in the drop off bay at the train station. Carter could see Dee looking at her with a worried gaze, her eyebrows furrowed. This was finally it, as soon as Carter left this car, she was on her own, going on the biggest trip of her life. It was going to be her first trip by herself, without her father, or her aunts, or even Dee. This was going to be completely up to her, and she was petrified. Though instead of voicing her concerns to her obviously paranoid friend, she just smiled and leaned over giving Dee a kiss on the cheek. 

 

“Thanks for dropping me” She said “I’ll text you with frequent updates”

 

“You better” Dee stated firmly, her face still formed into a frown.

 

“Make sure to tell Pop where I am, okay?” 

 

Dee rolled her eyes “The minute he asks, I’ll be telling him. I don’t want to be hiding anymore secrets from him”

 

Carter forced a smile “I know, I’m sorry for making you do this. It’s just… really important for me”

 

“I know C, I didn’t stress myself out for this past month for nothing” Dee chuckled softly “This is something very important to you and as much as I was against it for going behind my brother’s back… this is something that you need to do”

 

Carter nodded and slowly opened the car door, feeling the cool rush of air hit her bare ankles. She shivered slightly, and could feel her heart thumping in her chest. However a sudden rush of excitement — a thrill of anticipation — filled up every fibre of her body as she looked at the train station and she knew she was ready for this next chapter.

 

“I love you Dee, see you soon” Carter murmured.

 

“Love you too C, catch you on the flip side” Dee laughed.

 

Carter jumped out of the car at that, closing the door behind her. She stood on the pavement and waved to her friend until she couldn’t see her car anymore. She then took a moment to take a deep breath, inhaling the breeze that bristled against her skin and hair. She steadied her heart rate, and took one last look at the town she called home, before turning and heading inside the train station.

 

The building was filled with people, foreigners and townies bustling around in different directions. Electronic screens were set up in the middle of the room, a new installation added a few years ago, where people could now order their tickets. The system was integrated a while ago in the major cities, but only got introduced to towns like Doncaster in recent years. Carter walked up to one, ordering the ticket for the next train set to depart in forty five minutes. She hadn’t expected traffic to be as good as it had been, so she was stuck waiting around for quite a while. She ordered the ticket, placed the coins into the machine to pay for it and then once her ticket had printed, she went to one of the many benches and plonked herself down. 

 

She shoved her ticket into her bag and sat quietly, her bag resting on her lap as she tried to decide what to do for the next three quarters of an hour. She didn’t want to play on her phone as she didn’t want to waste it’s battery, she didn’t want to use her money to buy a magazine or some food just in case and since there was no other source of entertainment, she was left to wallow in her own loneliness.

 

She wondered about her pop and what he was doing at work right now. He was probably grumbling over financial records or groaning over the millions of emails he had to go through. It made her smile, thinking about her pop sitting at his desk, his glasses on and his face sulking. She’d seen it so many times that it had been engrained into her memory. She had always had a good relationship with her pop, so she practically knew everything about him. She knew his favourite things to do and eat and talk about, knew his little quirks like when he would stick his tongue out whilst concentrating or sticking his pinky finger into his tea to see if it was hot enough. She knew about his love for music, and writing and football, and his love for his family, especially herself. She knew a lot of things about him, but there were a lot of things he left in the dark. One of those things being the past he had with her other dad.

 

Male pregnancies were a rare phenomenon until the late 1900’s, when more and more gay males had started becoming pregnant. It started out with a few cases, until it became slightly more frequent in the early 2000’s. Scientists researched it excessively, and successfully came out with a reasoning behind this change in biology. Scientists explained it as evolution, that men’s genes were now starting to develop and change. One of these allowing men to have both male and female (internal) genitals. This gene however, was a peculiar one, and for only certain men, the gene was turned on. This meant that for those who had the gene turned off, they only had male genitals. Yet for those with it turned on, they had both male genitals inside and out, but they also had a uterus and ovaries. 

 

Carter’s pop had the gene turned on, and in the end it led him to having Carter. He always said that she was the best thing that ever happened to him, despite the fantastic life he used to live before she was born. The life that included her other father, the one that doesn’t even know she exists.

 

Carter’s pop’s full name was Louis William Tomlinson — ex member of the popular boyband One Direction and the man who disappeared off the face of the Earth in 2015. He left the band in July, and after only one song release as a solo artist in late 2016, no one ever really heard of him again. No one knew what life he lived, unlike the four other members of his band. Everyone knew everything about them, her pop always told her. They knew about their partners, their kids, how many bedrooms in their house. They had no privacy, and sometimes it made Carter feel lucky she lived the life she did.

 

However, there was always a piece missing.

 

Her pop may have never wanted her to meet her other dad, but he always made sure she knew who he was. It wouldn’t be hard for anyone to guess that her other father was the one and only Harry Styles, the youngest member of her father’s band and the one that her father had dated since the two of them met. She knew many stories about her dad, her pop always obliged when she asked him to tell her about her dad. Her pop was still fond for him, she could tell, but there was always a sadness to his eyes. An emptiness whenever he mentioned her dad. Carter was no fool, she could always tell when her pop was upset. Her other dad made him upset, and that was probably the main reason he had decided to keep Carter away from him her whole life.

 

She knew her other father must have done something horrible, or hurt her pop really badly. It was prevalent every time her other father was mentioned, it was the main reason why her grandfathers and her aunties wouldn’t speak a word of him. Dee and Ernie couldn’t remember him, so they couldn’t tell her anything. The only one who ever told her anything, was her pop and every time, it upset him. He would always put a brave face on for her, but she knew he left the room sad, or would sometimes cry in his room. It broke her heart and it made her sometimes convince herself never to see or talk to her other father. Just for the sole reason that he damaged her pop’s heart.

 

Though it was hard to convince herself to not meet the other person that gave her life. The person who her pop had obviously loved once. The person who she had a connection with, despite never actually having met him. Despite how hard she tried to ward herself off meeting him, she couldn’t do it. So she spent ages planning out a time to meet him, but it was hard considering she had no idea where he lived and the fact that her internet searching was monitored. If she searched up ‘Harry Styles’ address’, her pop would know and it would cause a whole lot of tension and arguments she didn’t want to have. So she was patient, and used every minute her father was out of the house to search for some sort of clue.

 

She found it in the form of a pocket contacts book, hiding deep inside his study drawers. The book was practically empty, apart from one small address, sitting boldly in the midst of empty pages. She knew who that address belonged to, and she knew it would be the first step to finding her father. However, it resided in London, meaning that Carter would have to find a way to get there, without her pop knowing.

 

She had found it almost a year ago, and since then she had been waiting patiently for the time to venture to London. She had no idea whether the person still lived there, or whether they were even still in the country. But the fact that the pocket book was from 2028 gave her a small amount of hope. 

 

It wasn’t until May, that her pop had given her a reason to meet her other father. The perfect opportunity to finally meet him after all these years. It was then that she had started planning and eventually, contacting Dee to help her. Despite her friend’s resistance, the two of them planned and planned and planned until finally the day happened. The day she was currently living in, and after everything, after all this waiting — she could decide how she felt about it. All she knew was that she wanted to get to London and finally meet her father, once and for all.

 

Carter checked the time on her phone consistently, and eventually it ticked over until it was time for her to board the train. As she got on, and sat down on a seat. She looked out the window at the life she once knew, the life where she only had her pop and never met her other father, and didn’t know whether she was ready for that life to change.

 

But before she could change her mind, the train started to move and soon she was heading south, leaving home and heading into the unknown.

 

—

 

She arrived out the front of King's Cross station at 11:12 in the morning. London was how she had remembered it — pouring with rain and crowded with pedestrians. She sighed to herself and fished her umbrella out of her bag, holding it over her head and she flicked a quick text to Dee, letting her know that she was about to catch a taxi. She went over to the taxi bays out front, and quickly found a free cab which she immediately hopped into the back of. 

 

“Where to Miss?” The man asked, looking at Carter through the rear view mirror.

 

Carter recited the address to him, and he nodded, immediately indicating and pulling out of the bay and away from King's Cross station. Carter watched as the driver pulled onto the A41, a major trunk road, and headed North towards to wherever this place was.

 

It was silent for a few minutes, the only sounds coming from the engine and the pattering of rain on the car roof. Carter fiddled with her phone - she had checked the message from Dee telling her to stay safe before she had turned her phone off, rolling it around in her hands to calm her nerves. She looked out the window at the other cars in the other lanes, as they passed by them. She wondered where they were going, what each of their stories were. She could bet none of them were going to meet their long lost father, or at least someone who could tell them where they were. She bet they were doing mundane things, like going on a trip up North or heading to work or a friends place. It was weird how normal their lives seemed, and how her life was like theirs only yesterday. Yet today, her life was something from a soap opera and it made her anxious to even think about it.

 

“Have you lived in London long?” Carter ended up asking the driver, who flashed a small smile at her.

 

“My whole life ma’am” He replied and Carter couldn’t help but flush slightly at being called 'ma’am'. 

 

“Carter’s fine, sir” She answered, making the man in the front chuckle.

 

“Carter it is. And please, call me Kev”

 

It was then that she had started an unlikely companionship with the middle aged taxi driver. She found out that his name was Kev, and he was happily married to a ‘beautiful woman’ as he’d described and had three children. Two adults and one sulky teenager. She was happy to let him talk about his life for most of the drive as it distracted her from thinking about what was going to happen when they arrived at the address. He seemed to know to not pry too much into her life, only asking her who she was going to see.

 

“Family” She said, which was technically a half truth. She was going to find her other biological father, but she needed to see someone first to know where he was. However she wasn’t going to unload all of that on poor old Kev, who seemed like one of the happiest people she’d met. So instead she listened with interest as he talked about his simple life, letting it drown out the thoughts that crowded her mind.

 

 

 

The drive was only about thirty minutes, and it wasn’t long until Kev pulled onto the long stretch of road that matched the street address in the contact book. From there it was only about thirty seconds until he pulled out front the large home, which made Carter almost want to gape in awe. The house sat behind a large fence and gate, but judging from the fact that she could see it over the tall fence, meant that it happened to be quite big. She would see the white bricks that made up the outer walls of the house, and the soft brown tiles that the roof was compiled of. She couldn’t see further unless she went inside however, which was what she needed to do next.

 

Before she could pay Kev, a piece of paper was slipped into her hands.

 

“If you’re planning on staying in London for a while, don’t hesitate to call this number” Kev said “I’ll pick you up anytime. There’s not many people that sit and let me talk their heads off for half an hour”

 

Anyone else would probably not accept the number, or be wary of the intentions. Though Carter saw the kindness, and the fatherly gaze that Kev had in his eyes and knew that it was all genuine.

 

“Thanks Kev, I’ll definitely take you up on that offer. How much?” She asked.

 

He told her the price and she paid him accordingly, before opening the door and stepping onto the pavement outside the house.

 

“I’ll wait until you go inside, just to make sure you get in all right” Kev told her out the driver’s window.

 

She smiled in gratitude and walked away from the taxi until she was in front of the looming house, scared of what would happen in the next few minutes. She sighed and pulled the pocket book out of her bag, opening it up to the familiar page.

 

Carter scanned over the address for the thousandth time, before finally coming to the conclusion that this gated home did belong to Zayn Malik, the only man from her pop's former band who had his details written in her pop's contact book. Finally, she was here, having actually gone through and used the only piece of information she had to find her other father. And now she had done it, it scared the absolute shit out of her.

 

She wasn't meant to be here, in this private neighbourhood in North London. Her pop obviously didn't want her in her father's life for a reason; a reason she knew he had been keeping from her. She knew he didn't want any of these men to know of her existence, nor ever really be aquatinted with her. Though she knew she couldn’t leave before she met her father and the rest of this family that she hadn't been introduced to for sixteen and half years. She knew that if Harry didn't want her, or want to get to know her then her pop was right all along and she could get on with her life without thinking about her father again, and spending the rest of her life knowing that she just had a father that loved her. Though she couldn't deny that she had a small glimmer of hope that her other father would love her, even if he hadn't known about her existence all these years. 

 

And the only person who was able to do that was Zayn Malik - the same Zayn Malik that maybe stood on the other side of those large secure gates. Carter couldn't help but sigh as she hesitantly made her way over to the small machine which sat by the iron gates. She lifted her shaky finger up to it and slowly pressed the buzzer, before placing her hands back at her sides in a hasty manner and squeezing her eyes shut tightly. She breathed in and out deeply, thinking about what she would say if Zayn's voice reverberated through the speakers. She knew what it would look like - a young girl claiming she was the daughter of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson? She would look like those crazed fans her father had been hiding from for over a decade - well... more like hiding her from.

 

"Seriously Adelaide?" A voice that was noticeably not Zayn Malik's spoke, crackling through the receiver "I know your father raised you well but you know the code. Seriously babe, this is the last time I'm buzzing you in"

 

The next thing Carter knew - the gates were opening revealing the driveway leading up to the house. Carter knew she should of just stayed and tried to explain to what sounded like a teenage girl about who she was and the whole situation as to why she was here. However, she knew that the girl wouldn't listen and this was her only chance of showing that she was quite genuine. So she slipped through the gate and made her way up the driveway, nervously playing with the ends of her curly hair as she thought about what the next few minutes could determine. She needed to find out everything because she knew it wasn't long until her pop found out she was gone and would then go barging around trying to get the secret service on her case - and she knew that Dee would tell the truth trying to stop her brother from freaking out. And she knew her pop would be driving maniacally to London, going straight to this home to drag her back. 

 

Carter gulped down her fears and walked quicker to the front of the house, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. Her heart was beating erratically in her chest and she felt like she was having trouble breathing. Maybe it was because she had never been in a situation like this - she always had her pop by her side and now she was all alone, facing up to the demons her pop had tried to hide from her since she was conceived.

 

When she arrived on the front porch, she saw that the front door was open and a young girl was leaning in the doorway of it. She looked to be about the age of twelve or thirteen, but her height probably made her look younger. She was really short, and also petite with lean legs and a thin waist. She had short brown hair that was dead straight and chocolate brown eyes that popped out due to her long lashes. Her cheekbones were defined and they brought a boldness to her face. The girl was grinning a bright smile when Carter saw her, but it faded and was replaced by a glare when the girl finally got a good look at her.

 

"You're not Adelaide" She deadpanned, looking Carter up and down with a judging gaze on her face. Carter sighed brushing the curls away from her face so that the girl could look dead into her varying shade eyes.

 

"No, my name's Carter. I don't know who an Adelaide is" She babbled, shrugging causing her hair to bounce on her shoulders. She moved a little closer so she was officially at the bottom of the three steps leading up to the front porch. The girl in the doorway was staring down at Carter suspiciously, her thick eyebrows furrowed.

 

"You don't know who Adelaide is? Wait - do you even know who I am?" She asked and Carter shook her head, confused.

 

"No - should I?" She asked.

 

The girl pursed her lips "Well if you are an One Direction fan you should. So I'm guessing you are not a fan?"

 

"Not exactly" Carter mumbled.

 

"Well if you aren't a fan, then why exactly are you here?"

 

Carter huffed, blowing some more of her hair out of her face "It's a long story - all I need to know is if Zayn Malik lives here?" 

 

The girl hesitated for a brief moment, before sighing and relenting "Yes, he does. He's my father. Why do you need to see him?”

 

Relief flooded through Carter’s whole body at the fact that Zayn still lived there. Of course it was pretty obvious from the girl asking whether she was a fan of One Direction. However, she still thanked the heavens that she hadn’t made this trip to London all for nothing.

  
  
"Because, I'm looking for my father and I think yours might know where he is"

 

The girl snorted "Yeah? Well whose your father?"

 

"Harry Styles"

 

Any expression the girl wore on her face beforehand was immediately replaced by shock. Her brown eyes widened, her eyebrows raised and her mouth opened wide as she stared down at Carter who stood meekly at the bottom of the steps. Carter had familiarities to her father - Harry - but she had more familiarities to her pop. Whenever her pop showed her pictures of her father and him, he would always point out the features she had been given through her dad.

 

_"You have his facial structure" Her pop would say, a smile planted on his lips as he looked down at the pictures "You have his eye shape too. I know it's a weird thing to say but you do, I can see it when the both of you smile. You have his dimples and let's not forget his long curly hair. I can see so much of your father in you it's uncanny"_

 

Those features made her show resemblance to her father, especially the curls and dimples but her whole family would always rant on about how she looked like her pop. Her small lips, her button nose, the light shade of brown that was her hair. Anyone could tell looking at her that Louis Tomlinson was her father, it was a no brainer when you looked at them side by side. Her aunt Lottie called Carter Louis' mini me and always went on about the similarities between them because not only was it their rivalling looks but Carter's personality matched her pop's completely. He was her only best friend apart from Dee. The thought made her insides churn so she pushed the memories away and instead looked back over to the girl who was still in shock.

 

"Sorry, that's just... well that's a bit of a surprise" The girl spoke softly, taking a deep breath whilst looking Carter up and down "But I can't deny you look like Uncle Harry, you definitely look alike in some ways"

 

"Thanks?" Carter questioned, wondering whether that was a compliment or not. The girl just stifled a laugh and rolled her eyes.

 

"So whose your mother then? Whose the woman that Uncle Harry knocked up?"

 

Carter shifted her weight "Um... I don't have a mother"

 

The girl's eyebrows pinched together "What.. What do you mean?"

 

"I mean, it wasn't a woman that carried me for nine months but rather a man"

 

The girl froze again, the news making her take a step back as she looked at Carter with an astonished expression.

 

"Uncle Harry isn't bisexual!" The girl gasped "I've.. I've known him my entire life I would know"

 

Carter couldn't help but laugh "I may have not known him all my life but he dated my dad for almost five years. Believe me, he is definitely not as straight as a ruler"

 

The girl look confused "He dated a guy for five years? Well I don't know how they could have dated for that long without the fans finding-?"

 

The girl cut her sentence short, staring off in the distance as her mouth rounded into an o shape. She looked back over at Carter with her eyes wide and unnerving as she finally took all of her in.

 

_"Oh my god"_ She couldn't help but choke out, as if the wind had been knocked out of her. It was obvious to Carter that the children of the members of One Direction had grown up learning about her pop. About how he was an important person in the band, a brother to the lot of them, someone who they loved and that just disappeared one day without any warning. It was as if the girl was putting the puzzle pieces together and everything was clicking in her mind. She stood for a good few minutes just gawking at Carter until she finally had enough sense to move away from the doorway, leaving the entryway empty.

 

"Come in" She whispered, so quietly that Carter almost couldn't hear her. Though after some hesitation, Carter proceeded up the front steps onto the porch and slowly made her way over the threshold into the warm home. The entry hall was quite large, unlike the one Carter had grown up with. The floors were made of honey coloured wood, which matched the milk coffee painted walls. The air had this aroma to it, the scents of honey & lemon, lavender and cologne all mingled together. It was a weird combination but Carter couldn't help but like it as it made her feel comforted in a way.

 

The hall had three different archways, one either side of her leading to a various room each. The other one was straight in her line of distance, leading into what seemed like a never ending hall. To her right also sat a simple staircase which lead up to the second floor, a staircase made of the same wood flooring along with beautiful black railings which swirled and danced making the unique fence pattern. The house was quite glamorous, and Carter couldn't help but wonder what it felt to grow up in a place like this. Sure, her and her father were quite well off and their house was spacious enough but she never lived in complete luxury. She didn't know whether it was because her father was saving money or because he wanted to give Carter as normal life as possible.

 

The girl walked ahead of Carter, her leather boots tapping loudly against the wood floors. Carter struggled to catch up with her, almost tripping on her feet numerous times. With her being tall and having big feet like her father, her pop always said that she was just as clumsy as him. She was always tripping over non existent things, and it gave her pop a right laugh.

 

Despite their obvious height difference, this girl was very fast and rapidly made her way down the hall (that seemed to go on forever) until the both of them reached the very end, where a door stood to their left. The girl - ahead of Carter - softly knocked on it, waiting patiently until a quiet 'come in' was heard from the other side. She gave Carter a look which insisted that she stayed where she was, whilst the girl entered the room slightly, still standing within the door frame.

 

"Hey love, what's up?" The voice of a man spoke, the voice was soft and delicate yet at the same time deep and husky. After listening to the many records her father's band made and how her father had described his best friend, she couldn't be more sure this was Zayn Malik.

 

"Uh something big" She spoke slowly in response to her father's question. Carter could feel the tension ease into the room as silence loomed over all of them. She heard some shuffling of papers from inside the room and the clearing of a throat.

 

"What something big are you referring to? You better have not broken anything Maia Adila" 

 

Carter couldn't help but raise her eyebrows at the name. The girl in front of her - Maia - blushed and averted her gaze quickly to Carter, looking quite reserved. Carter just sent her a smile, hoping it reassured her that she thought the name was fucking awesome and unique. It was much more special than Carter.

 

"..Not exactly, let's just say I have a guest here with me and - andyou are definitely going to want to hear what she has to say"

 

Maia looked back over at Carter and nodded to her, indicating that she was allowed to enter the room. She sent Maia a smile and slowly walked two steps forward so she was standing in the doorway of the room. The room happened to be a small study; a small cozy study that basked in the warm light that sauntered in from outside. The room was surrounded by bookshelves, each containing several different books whether they were small comics and novelettes to a thousand page thick encyclopaedias. Carter was sure she caught sight of the many autobiographies written by the members of One Direction. In the centre of the room, on top of an antique rug sat a large dark wood desk, with a smooth and sleek surface. Sitting at the desk, looking up with his eyebrows furrowed in bemusement was Zayn Malik who was staring at Carter with curious eyes. He looked like he had barely aged a day from the last pictures she had seen of him in 2015. Considering he was only thirty nine it didn't surprise Carter too much. Right now his dark raven hair was spiked up in different directions, the man before her obviously not bothering to put too much effort into appearance that day. He had a slight stubble beard running along his jawline, which Carter recalled him having in certain pictures in the various books. However, this beard paired with the wisdom in his hazel eyes made him look older and kinder, almost welcoming.

 

"Please have a seat.." He trailed off, waiting for the girl in front of him to finish his sentence.

 

“Carter... well my name is Amy but I go by Carter" She stammered. There was a rare few people she ever told her full name too. Anyone outside of her family just knew her as Carter, and no one ever called her Amy. Well - except her pop when he was mad at her. But that again was quite rare. She probably could of just told the man before her that her name was Carter, but she felt like she had to tell him everything, for him to understand.

 

She watched as the man nodded once with uncertainty in reply to her statement.

 

“...Right.. Carter. Well, sit down Carter and we'll have a chat about what you've come here for. I'm sure Maia wouldn't haven't let you in unless it was important"

 

"Oh something fucking important all right" Maia mumbled mostly to herself, although Carter heard. She grabbed the gold handle of the door and shut it behind her as she left the room, leaving both Carter and Zayn alone. Zayn was staring at her with furrowed eyebrows and narrowed eyes - his hazel eyes had darkened considerably so that they were almost black and his lips were pressed into a thin line. It wasn't a welcoming expression and Carter couldn't help but feel a little reserved.

 

"Okay - how about you tell me the story you told Maia that got you into the house and I'll see if I believe it"

 

Carter winced at his words but did her best to keep her composure as she took a deep breath and stared the man straight in the eye.

 

"I've come here because I'm looking for my father" 

 

Zayn looked taken aback by her statement and created a bit more distance between them before placing her under his scrutinising gaze. 

 

"If that's your way of telling me that you are my daughter, I have to say that you must be mistaken"

 

Carter rolled her eyes and shook her head "No, Mr. Malik. I can promise you that I'm not here because you are my father. I've come here because you know my father - actually you know both my father and my pop. My pop hasn’t ever let me meet my father, from the moment he knew of my existence, and he hasn't told my father about me either. I don't know why and every time I've asked him he always avoids the subject. So I've come to seek out my father as I've always wanted to meet him - I mean how could I not have - and because I need answers after all these years. Answers that I hope he is willing to give me"

 

Zayn remained quiet throughout her rambling, his face remaining passive and void of any markers that would make Carter detect that he knew. It was clear when he asked her "and are you going to tell me who your father is? Both of them for that matter" that Carter realised he wasn't connecting the dots.

 

She smirked and reached into the pocket of her jeans, pulling out the black little notebook which stated "Contacts" in cursive writing on the front.

 

"I went searching in my pop’s study to try and find my father's details" Carter stated as she fiddled with the pages in her hands "Though nothing came up, nothing except this little book that was hidden deep in one of his drawers. I was sad to find that I had come up empty with any details relating to my father in the book, however - he had your name and address inside. At first I was a little shocked, but then again I can't be too surprised considering you were his best friend whilst he was in the band"

 

It was at those words that the blood drained from Zayn's face as he turned white as a sheet. His lips parted as he hissed in a shocked breath and his pupils dilated wide as he sat there in silence. Carter casually tossed the small notebook so that it landed right in front of him on the desk, and leant back slightly in her chair as she waited for Zayn to recuperate. She watched as he slowly cast his eyes down to the contact book and gently lifted his shaky fingers so that they touched the soft cover. His pointer finger traced the word on the front before he cautiously and hesitantly opened it, mindlessly flicking through the pages until he found himself in the M section - the M section where a Mr. Zayn Malik sat. 

 

The only details that were there was his address, the address that Carter had found herself at that day. She knew that as Zayn looked over the one sentence written on the page, that he knew she wasn't lying. Her father's writing was atrocious and easily recognizable. If it hadn't changed in over the past sixteen years, then she knew that Zayn would recognize it and it was her biggest piece of evidence to showing that she was indeed not making all of this up.

 

"I'm looking for my father" Carter repeated her earlier statement "And I'm pretty sure you know who he is"

 

Zayn didn't reply, but he didn't need to. The both of them sat in the quiet of the office, Carter waiting patiently whilst the older ran a hand through his tousled hair as he stared down at the book in pure awe. It was understandable that he was shocked, considering the fact that he hadn't heard anything from Louis in over a decade. Carter could only imagine what the man before her was feeling right now - his best friend left him, didn't contact him for so many years and then one day, his daughter turns up on his doorstep. Being surprised was probably an understatement. 

 

"I wished everyday that I would see Louis again" Zayn spoke after a long period of silence, looking up so his eyes met Carter's "He left one day - vanished out of thin air and only texted us to say that he was alive and safe. He didn't speak to us again and for the most part I was worried. Though truthfully I was mad too - because how could someone who is meant to be your brother for life, could just leave like it all meant nothing to him?"

 

Carter opened her mouth to respond, but Zayn just put his hand up to stop her.

 

"Though over time I guess that anger left, and I've always just wondered about him. I stopped trying to get in contact with your dad for a couple of years now - I decided that maybe I should focus on my family and friends and my new life instead of focusing on the past. Louis was always very determined... And so fucking stubborn. I knew that if he wanted us to find him, he would let us but obviously he didn't want to be found. Well more like he didn't want you to be found"

 

Carter pursed her lips and nodded.

 

"That's what confused me though" She stopped when she saw Zayn tilt his head, perplexed "My pop talked about you all the time. It was his favourite thing to do. Every night before I went to bed, I would beg for a story about you guys and he was always happy to oblige. I grew up knowing who you were and how much you guys loved each other. It sounds sappy, but it's true. Pop told me so many times about how much he loved you guys and my father, and I couldn't help but wonder that if he loved you guys then why did he run and hide me? The only conclusion I could draw was that it had something to do with my parents relationship"

 

Zayn smiled tightly "Your parents had a rocky relationship from the start. Whilst Louis… your pop was comfortable with his sexuality, your father was hesitant and always had trouble admitting that he was bisexual. They decided that they would wait until your father was confident enough to tell the public about who they were and they would also wait to see how serious their relationship was until they had told everyone about it.Though as their relationship got more serious, Harry - your father - got less and less comfortable with admitting that he was bisexual. This continued all the way up until the year your pop left. We always tried to encourage your father but never seemed to listen and all I know is that a week before your pop left, your father and him got into a fight. I don't know what it was about but after that the two avoided each other like the plague and your pop became very reserved. Next thing we knew he had left the band and none of us have seen him since"

 

Carter played with her hands, her eyebrows furrowed "Do you think... Do you think they were fighting about me? That maybe my father never wanted me, so my pop just lied and said he never told him so that I wouldn't feel upset?"

 

"No! No - don't ever think that Carter. I know your father - I know Harry and I know that if your pop told him that he was pregnant with his child that he would have supported him. They were fighting about something else, and that led to the downfall of their relationship and that led to your pop keeping you away. But never think that he rejected you, never" Zayn spoke firmly, keeping eye contact with the teenager the whole time.

  
She smiled softly "Thank you Mr. Malik"

 

Zayn rolled his eyes with a small chuckle "I think we've moved past formalities - please call me Zayn"

 

"Zayn" Carter echoed, bobbing her head once.

 

"Now" He said, leaning forward in his chair, his eyes now showing a warmth they hadn't before "Please tell me about how Louis has been doing over the years? I want to know everything I've missed"

 

She grinned reflexively, like she always did when someone mentioned her pop "He's my best friend, has been ever since I can remember.I've been homeschooled by different tutors since I was six, because I think Pop was concerned about me going to school, and I had never really been fond of it. I attended kindergarten there and absolutely hated it. So really the only people I interacted with was my tutors, my extended family and my pop. So naturally, he was the person I was most closest to all my life. My aunt Lottie calls us the trouble twins, because I act exactly like my pop in everything I do. Except I have to say the only thing I can do that my father can't is cook - thank goodness for my aunties"

 

Zayn was smiling at Carters words, his eyes slightly glassy.

 

"He taught me everything I know: he taught me about footy and about music, he taught me jokes and to have a good sense of humour and that it was okay to cry when I was sad. He taught me about his band, about his best mates, about the love of his life. He always says that you guys would love me because I'm exactly like him, I guess that's why I came here because as much as I want to meet my father, I wanted to meet you guys too. He loves you guys so much and I can see that he misses you. Sometimes his eyes just look solemn - and I remember as a child I would always ask him why he was so sad. It's because he missed his brothers, so damn much"

 

Carter reached into her bag and pulled out her phone "Did you want to see pictures?"

 

Zayn nodded eagerly and she chuckled, loading up her Facebook. The two of them spent the next thirty minutes, going through photos of Carter and Louis, stemming from when she was a baby, to recently when she was a teenager. Zayn eventually moved around from behind the desk so that he was sitting next to Carter, on the edge of his desk - and looking right over her shoulder at the pictures. At everyone they looked at, Carter would explain what was going on, the both of them laughing at some of the funny memories that were surrounding each photo. She couldn't help but feel happy looking at the pictures with Zayn, she felt good showing him her childhood and how her pop was still the same old guy that he knew.

 

"He went all out for my sixteenth" Carter giggled looking at the picture taken four months prior. She was sitting at the circular kitchen table back home, a three tier cake covered in blue frosting placed in front of her. The cake was littered with small edible football and music note fondants, along with sixteen candles. Her grandpa Dan and his wife Carol were standing behind her, along with Dee, Ernie and her Aunt Lottie who was holding her daughter Ellie. Louis had his arms wrapped around his daughter, trapping her to the chair as he placed a huge kiss on her cheek. She was laughing and squirming, her smile bright under the glow of the candles. 

 

It was one of her favourite photos.

 

"It was the best birthday I've had. I spent the whole day with my family; my pop, uncles - including Ernie - Dee and I all played football out in the snow around the early afternoon. We then went inside later and played board games as a huge family - before having a big home cooked dinner that Carol made. This was taken after all of that and I couldn't help but just be so happy and blessed. You see as much as I felt sad because I didn't have one of my fathers or you guys - I had a family that made me feel so loved. I also had a pop that would do anything to keep me safe and make sure that I went to sleep every night feeling like the luckiest girl in the world"

 

Zayn smiled softly as he looked at the picture.

 

"I always knew Tommo would be a good father" He stated.

 

"He is. The best" Carter responded, feeling a slight tug in her chest. She still felt awful for going behind his back, she never thought she would do something like that. He felt more like her best friend then her father most of the time meaning she never felt the need to rebel in anyway. Yet here she was, talking to his best friend he hadn't spoken to in over sixteen years - the best friend he was most likely never planning to speak to again. She felt like the worst daughter in the world.

 

She shook the thought away and went to flick to the next picture - but she was interrupted by loud voices and heels clicking against the wood floor down the hall.

 

"Addy!" She heard Maia shout loudly, as the footsteps became louder and louder. Zayn only had time to gasp out an "oh shit" before the door was swung open and standing in the doorway was a very angry girl. The girl was tall, around the same height as Carter. The girl had long curly hair that was also similar to Carter's which tousled and twirled down her head and shoulders. She had an oval shaped face, which was a light olive tone and gave her a pale complexion. She had murky brown eyes that reminded Carter of Maia's, who stood wearily behind the girl in the doorway with wide eyes. Carter was jealous to see that this girl also had perfectly shaped eyebrows, eyebrows which were thick and bushy and made the cold glare that she was sending Carter's way looking much more darker. She had a large nose and mouth, her lips formed into a tight thin line which was threatening to turn into a snarl. The girl was wearing a dark yellow dress littered with little white daisy flowers and sandals that were also white. The outfit was adorable, and it totally contradicted the sour expression on the girl's face.

 

"Who the fuck are you?" The girl - Addy - spat viscously, her voice low and husky. Maia winced from behind her and Zayn just sighed, obviously already annoyed by this girl's presence. Carter looked up at her unfazed, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at the feisty, pissed off girl.

 

"I'm Carter Tomlinson, who the fuck are _you_?" Carter retorted, staring back at the girl with an intense gaze, and a stony face. The girl looked shocked, and took a slight step back away from Carter. Carter assumed this girl was used to people knowing who she was and was utterly surprised when someone had admitted that they had no idea. That someone being Carter. 

 

Though the girl got over it pretty quickly and her gaze turned deadly again as she narrowed in on Carter.

 

"Stop lying! May, I can't believe you fell for this girl. She's obviously a deranged fan, faking all of this so that she can weasel her way into our life and use us all for fame!"

 

Carter let out a snort, absolutely astonished by the stupidity this girl was showing. She had no idea who she was but she already didn't like her. Carter could tell by the handbag she had over her shoulder, her perfectly manicured nails and her attitude that she was a stuck up brat - a spoilt one at that.

 

"Look I don't know who you are, but seriously I'm just here to meet my father. Why would I want fame? My pop's already famous and his life ain't easy. I wouldn't want that for the world"

 

The girl rolled her eyes, her face contorted into a sneer "Okay, don't get me started on the fact that you are claiming that the fucking traitor bastard is your father? What is that meant to impress us? No one here likes him after he ditched the band because he was too much of a weak fuck to actually continue his career"

 

It was almost instinctively that Carter's hands balled into tight fists and she gritted her teeth to stop herself from lashing out. She could feel her blue eyes darkening as she loured over at the girl, getting ready to give this girl a piece of her mind. Who the fuck does she think she is saying those awful things about her pop? If it was one thing you didn't do around Carter, it was talk shit about her pop.

 

Before either of the two girls could say something else - Zayn spoke up.

 

"Adelaide, can you please leave the room? Go cool off somewhere or something - you don't know anything about what's going on, Maia shouldn't have told you a word"

 

Adelaide frowned over at Zayn but huffed angrily and turned around, storming out of the room and down the hall in a quick fashion. Maia remained in the doorway, looking sympathetic and apologetic.

 

"I'm sorry dad, I just thought she might want to know-"

 

"Maia - I'm not mad but next time you don't say a word, okay? You know how she gets and now it's only a matter of time before she calls her father. So I'm going to call your uncles quickly now, and when they arrive can you please let them into the living room and... try keeping Adelaide upstairs?"

 

Maia smirked "You are asking me to do an impossible task, Dad"

 

He smiled slightly "I know, so I won't blame you if that doesn't happen. Just do the other thing okay?"

 

"On it" She said with a nod, sending one more pity filled look over at Carter before closing the door behind her.

 

Carter turned to look at Zayn who was already staring at her, a worried expression on his face.

 

"I apologize for Adelaide - she can be a bit... um..."

 

"Of a bitch?" Carter finished off for Zayn who seemed desperately trying to hide his amusement from her words "Who the fuck was she anyway? Why the hell did she think she could say shit about my pop?"

 

Zayn's breath hitched and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb. He looked as if he wanted to tell Carter, yet he didn't know how. So he stayed silent, letting Carter think about it and try to figure out the answer to her own questions. It didn't take her long to figure out the first one as she thought back to the girl who had just been standing in the doorway. She remembered her appearance and how mad she had been about what Maia had told her. It didn't take long for Carter to connect the dots and let out a small gasp.

 

"Oh my god" She whispered, staring up at Zayn with wide eyes "She's my sister isn't she?"

 

Zayn nodded solemnly, although he didn't really need to answer. Carter couldn't deny that this girl - Adelaide - was her sister and that the both of them shared the same father. She knew that if she were in Adelaide's position, she would be slightly wary about the stranger claiming that they were her father's daughter, and she knew that she would be defensive over her father. However this girl was not 'slightly defensive' but rather down right vicious. Some of the comments she had said were just plain attacks, and they were unbelievably unnecessary. 

 

"I'm sorry, but we may be sisters by blood but I do not like that girl. Anyone who insults my pop is immediately someone I hate. No question"

 

Zayn groaned slightly "Look, I'm not going to tell you everything about Adelaide in respect for her but all you should know is that Addy's mother died when she was a child and since then she's been very... let's say - attached to your father"

 

Carter pursed her lips wanting to question his statement further, however she knew it wasn't her place and decided to keep her mouth shut. She knew that eventually she would find more about the girl who she was meant to call her sister but at the moment she didn't want to bother. She may feel a pang of sadness for the girl as she lost her mother too young, though that didn't mean she could excuse her behaviour and harsh words. 

 

The conversation ended there as Zayn immediately got on the phone with the other men. He called Liam first, then Niall talking to them quickly before hanging up. Carter watched on intensely as he dialled the next number, the number which happened to belong to the man she had been wanting to meet her whole life. Carter held her breath as she watched Zayn sit there in silence as the phone rang. She couldn't hear the other line, so she only knew that her father had answered when Zayn responded.

 

"Hey mate it's Zayn.. yes I know you have caller ID but I just think it's a polite greeting okay? Anyways I called you because I need you to come over immediately.... Adelaide's fine - well actually she's not exactly - but that's not why I need you over!... Look mate, I'm just going to have to explain to you when you come over but don't listen to what Addy says okay? She doesn't know the full story... Okay?.. Okay. See you soon. Bye"

 

He hung the phone up and looked over at Carter who was looking at him with a hesitant expression. Zayn smiled leaning forward so that there was only a small distance between them.

 

"Look Carter, I may not have known you that long. Hell I haven't even known you for an hour. Though I do know that you and your pop are so much alike, and that your father won't be able to help but love you. He isn't going to not accept you Carter - he'll love you from the moment he knows the truth"

 

"What about Adelaide? He's going to believe the daughter he's raised over the random stranger who claims to be his daughter"

 

Zayn rolled his eyes "Adelaide is fourteen years old, well technically thirteen and eleven months. She's a teenager, she is young and naive and she is known for being a drama queen. Plus, I believe you and you have more then enough proof that shows that you are the daughter of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. Don't doubt yourself love, okay?"

 

She exhaled and nodded "Okay I won't. Thanks Zayn"

 

"No worries hun"

 

The two of them spent the next fifteen minutes talking, the both of them exchanging stories about Louis. Zayn found it hard to tell many of the stories because Carter always knew them, and most of them time finished them off before he could. He always sent her a glare of mock annoyance when she ended the story before he could, but she could see the happiness that danced in his eyes at the fact that she knew all these stories. Knew all of them because Louis had never stopped talking about them.

 

One of Carter's stories was stopped short when the sound of voices rang down the hall. She could hear Maia’s light voice along with a deep rumbling voice that she couldn't detect who was, and she could feel her heart rate pick up.

 

"It's Liam" Zayn said, immediately calming her down slightly. However she still sat in a tense silence as Liam's voice slowly drifted off, and another voice entered the hall (who she realized belonged to Niall) and as his drifted off, Carter closed her eyes tightly as she realized whose other voice was to come next. It took a couple of minutes, but soon a deep rasp echoed down the hall and Carter could feel everything inside her twist and turn as soon as he heard it. She'd heard her father sing before but she hadn't heard him speak and growing up she never saw the difference until now. She couldn't hear what he was saying, nor his accent clearly. Though just hearing that deep rumble as it reverberated through the house, brought goosebumps to Carter's skin. She didn't know whether it was goosebumps of excitement or anxiousness but all Carter knew was that she couldn't sit still for much longer.

 

Both Zayn and her waited five minutes in silence, listening to the various voices murmuring in the living room. Carter couldn't hear what they were saying, or who was talking at what time, but just listening to the voices brought a slight distraction to the frantic palpitations of her heart. She stared at the wall as she listened, and she could see Zayn's worried glances in her peripheral vision, thought she didn't dare to stare him in the eye. She didn't want to crack what ever resolve she was holding onto.

 

Her heart nearly stopped as soon as he heard footsteps walking down the hall. Her eyes widened and her breath hitched as the footsteps became louder and louder as the person came closer and closer. She shut her eyes closed tightly as the door handle turned and the door creaked open. She immediately reopened them as soon as she heard Maia's voice saying that the other men were here. Carter looked over at Zayn who smiled at his daughter and thanked her - though when she looked over at Maia she saw her frowning.

 

"What's the matter, love?" Zayn questioned as he went to get up to leave the study.

 

"I'm sorry dad but as soon as they arrived, Addy came busting down the stairs and well... she's telling them everything. I figured whilst they were distracted I could run out and get you but - I just wanted to warn you that they are already going to know some story from Addy"

 

Zayn smiled softly "Don't worry May, I already warned Harry about Adelaide. We all know how she gets"

 

Maia rolled her eyes but nodded "Yes, I know"

 

She then exited down the hall whilst Zayn stood up from the desk, stretching slightly and relaxing his shoulders. He looked over at Carter who was still sitting in her chair, not making a move to get up. He raised his eyebrows as he towered over her frame, trying to intimidate her to stand up. Carter didn't move an inch and instead remained in her seat, her body quivering from the nerves which fluttered through her. Zayn bent down so that he could look her in the eye and sent her a small smile.

 

"You have nothing to be worried about Carter"

 

Carter met Zayn's stare with wide eyes "I've been waiting for this moment for sixteen years, but I guess I never fully prepared myself for it. I have so many questions going through my head and so many scenarios. I'm scared Zayn, I'm _so_ scared"

 

"Hey, hey I know" The older man whispered, soothingly rubbing her arms "But Carter, I'm positive he's going to love you. You are the splitting image of your pop, appearance and personality. He's no doubt going to love everything about you"

 

Although he settled her nervous state slightly, she was still shaking and it didn't stop the doubt that flooded in her head. So she sent him a small half smile to show that she was grateful and let the raven haired man pull her up from the seat and lead her out of the room. The hallway seemed longer to Carter as soon as they started walking down it - it seemed like they were stuck in almost never ending halls where finally at the end awaited her doom. She felt as if she was going for the lethal injection, which in her case would be the rejection of her father which was just in the other room. After hearing that Adelaide was busy talking shit about her to the three men in the room, she had no hope that her father would even consider wanting to meet her. Even if Zayn said that he would.

 

It felt like several minutes had passed by the time they arrived in the archway leading to the front entrance hall, but it had only been a few mere seconds. Zayn continued to walk over to the archway leading into the living room but Carter stopped dead, her body and mind stopping her from moving another inch. Zayn noticed and turned to look back at her confused and she just shook her head, her eyes pleading him to not make her go on. She just needed a minute, a minute to get her head on straight and to be able to face the three men in there - especially the one man that had led to her being born.

 

Zayn - being the observant one - understood and found himself walking over to the living room by himself, standing in the archway and staring into the room which laid before him. Carter didn't know what he was seeing but she guessed it was three shocked and confused faces, a passive Maia and a pissed off Adelaide. She held her breath as she waited, waited for someone to say something - anything. Everything was silent, way too silent for Carter's liking and she found herself starting to panic as it continued further and further on. She didn't know what Zayn was seeing or what the men were thinking. Were they believing Adelaide's twisted version of the tale or were they awaiting to see Zayn's side? Had they already written Carter off as a fake or actually considering she was telling the truth? She didn't have a clue and it was killing her.

 

Though before she could breakdown, someone cleared their throat making her perk up and her hearing heighten as she awaited to hear what they were going to say.

 

"What's going on Zayn? Addy's just told me some story and I'd really like to hear it from you" A voice spoke, a voice making Carter's insides churn all over again. It was her father's voice, she knew it, and now she could hear it so clearly it was almost as if he was standing right in front of her. She heard the way his voice spoke so slowly, and how he articulated his words and the soft Cheshire accent that warmed his voice. Tears sprung to her eyes but she blinked them away because she wouldn’t cry. And she certainly wasn't going to cry over hearing her father's voice... that would just be foolish. 

 

So instead she watched as Zayn took a deep breath and look over to his left - which was where Carter assumed her father was sitting.

 

"Look, I don't know what Adelaide's told you. But I have to assure you that she hasn't heard the full story and it just making up her own truth"

 

A disgusted scoff echoed into the hall "Uncle Zayn, I don't know what lies that girl has told you but you mustn’t believe them! Everyone's always trying to do this to dad and I. There are so many girls who claim to be my sister or be related to me! I'm sick of them trying to worm their way into my life and to take dad away from me! I know that she is lying because how could she be telling the truth? No one ever tells the truth!"

 

"Addy - I was skeptical too all right? Though I've talked to this girl and I can assure you that she is your father's daughter. She has proof"

 

"Yeah right!" Adelaide cried and Carter rolled her eyes in pure agitation "They all say they have proof but half the time it turns out to be fake"

 

Zayn pinched the bridge of his nose again and Carter stifled back a giggle at his pure 'I'm done with this' expression.

 

"Can you guys just tell me what Adelaide has told you?" Zayn questioned ignoring Adelaide's previous exclamation "I need to know what she has said to be able to explain this to you"

 

"All she has said is that a girl came to you claiming to be Harry's daughter" A deep voice spoke, a voice Carter realized belonged to Liam - as it wasn’t her father’s voice, nor was it slightly Irish.

 

Zayn released a sigh of relief "Okay good, now I'm going to explain the rest to you guys so you can understand it all. I just need _Adelaide_ to not say another word - all right?"

 

Carter assumed that Adelaide had went to protest when she heard Harry growl _"Adelaide - Stop"_ and the girl not speak another word. Silence fell upon the living room once again and Zayn smiled over at the people in the room - obviously grateful for their attention.

 

"Okay so firstly I'd like to introduce you to someone" Zayn spoke looking over at Carter who remained in the archway, still scared and not willing to walk into the living room and see the judging gazes of those who were in there. Zayn arched an eyebrow over at her, and nudged his head indicating he wanted her to come over. She shook her head and crossed her arms, raising her own eyebrow as if she were challenging him. 

 

"Come on" He said quietly, but not quiet enough because Carter was sure the others could hear, with how the room around them echoed "Don't make me come over there"

 

Carter still didn't budge and Zayn groaned, looking over at the people in the living room.

 

"One second" He stated, before disappearing out of the archway and over to where Carter was standing. Before she could make her escape down the hall into the study, Zayn was clutching her wrist and dragging her over to the living room. Her heart was thumping loudly and she felt as if she was going to vomit right there and then. She struggled against the man's grip, trying to resist it but it only made her stumbled and fall into Zayn's side as he stopped at the entrance to the living room. 

 

She immediately closed her eyes as the blood crept to her cheeks. She could feel the intense stares on her and she didn't like it - she hated being the centre of attention... which is maybe why it was a good idea that her pop kept her out of the spotlight. She heard (and felt as she was still leaning into his side) Zayn chuckle and wrap his arm around her shoulders, nudging her to open her eyes and to finally face everything. Carter gulped and counted to five in her head, before slowly her eyelids peeled back and she laid eyes on the living room - the living room where five people sat staring at her. 

 

Liam and Niall were sitting on the three cushion sofa to her left. Niall was the closest to her, his blue eyes boring onto her face as he stared at her with a bemused expression. He looked different from all the pictures she had seen of him as a child - his blonde hair was completely gone, being replaced by a natural brunette colour. He was broader in size, his muscles having bulked up a bit and his waist becoming a bit wider. He also had light stubble around his mouth and along his chin. Other than that he looked like the exact same man her father had shown her and talked about for the past several years.

 

Liam sat further up on the couch, staring at her with the same expression Niall had. He looked the same as her pop had shown and described - with thick bushy brown hair and eyebrows, big round chocolate eyes and a soft beard. He had more tattoos then she had seen, but they suited him she couldn't help but think. He wasn't much broader or thinner than she had seen from pictures and she couldn't help but think that he had aged well - very well.

 

Maia, Adelaide and her father were sitting on the couch to her left. The couch was the exact same as the other one and Carter couldn't help but observe the symmetry this room displayed. Maia sat closest to her but Carter didn't really do anything but glance at her because her eyes were immediately drawn to her father. Her father was sitting on the furthest end with Adelaide sitting on his lap, her head buried in his neck. Carter mentally rolled her eyes at the girl's antics as she looked over at the girl glowering at her. The girl was fourteen - well thirteen and eleven months like Zayn had said - and yet here she was, being bratty and stuck up whilst sitting on her father's lap like a helpless child. Adelaide really did remind Carter of an overgrown five year old.

 

However, she decided not to focus too much attention on her half sister because also staring at her was the man she had dreamed of meeting ever since she could fully comprehend who he was.

 

He had changed, changed a lot from the pictures she had seen. He looked so much older than his twenty one year old self - with his face being leaner, his eyes being wiser and his chin displaying much more stubble than she had seen on him. His long curly locks had been cut down into a hairstyle that reminded her of the pictures she had seen of him only three to four years before she was born. He had a few more tattoos on his body and Carter couldn't help but think that maybe he looked different as he wasn't wearing the many designer clothes she had seen him wearing. He was wearing a simple singlet shirt, with track pants and sneakers. The clothes looked a lot like what her pop wore, and he always said that her father wore completely different clothes to him. He always said that's what he loved about her father - that he was unique. 

 

Her father's green eyes were staring deeply into hers and she could see a lot of mixed emotions swirling behind the bright orbs. She could see the confusion, the bemusement, the agitation, the sadness. She couldn't pinpoint what exactly he was feeling but she guessed neither could he. Right now he was a mess, trying to make sense of what he had heard. 

 

Carter drew her eyes away quickly and looked up at Zayn who nodded at her, urging her to introduce herself.

 

“Um..." She spoke, her Northern accent drifting through her voice “I’m... I'm Amy. But I go by my middle name which is Carter"

 

Silence loomed over the room as Carter stood there awkwardly, not wanting to say anything more in fear of one of the scenarios going in her head of coming true. She turned to Zayn, wanting him to explain what had happened - but he was already one step ahead of her, reaching into the pocket of his jumper to get the pocket book he had slipped into there. Though before he could get it out, a gasp echoed through the room - a gasp which belonged to Niall.

 

His eyes were wide open and his mouth was agape as he stared at Carter in shock. His eyes kept looking her up and down as he took her appearance in and as everything started to click inside his mind. He jumped up from the couch, startling everyone as he scurried over to Carter who was looking at him as if he had just gained two heads. He looked her dead in the eyes, his face displaying pure shock and excitement before turning around and looking at the other two men, who were looking at Niall as if he'd gone mental.

 

"You guys don't see it? You seriously don't see it?" Niall cried, motioning to Carter his arms extended and flailing around frantically. It didn't take long after that for Liam to get it, his big and round eyes doubling in size and his hand flying to cover his mouth as he released a shocked breath.

 

_"Jesus fucking Christ"_ He uttered out, looking at her as if she had just appeared out of nowhere. He didn't move from where he was sitting like Niall, but he looked equally as shocked and surprised. He removed his hand from where it was over his mouth and the name rolled off his tongue quicker then he could stop it.

 

_"Louis"_ He whispered - and in the silent room, the whisper sounded as if he had yelled it out. Carter watched as her father whipped his head over to Liam, his body tensing immediately as the words graced his ears. She watched as his eyes became saucers and his jaw fell slack in astonishment. He turned back so that his gaze could meet Carter's and she saw the tears that started to build in his green eyes and the way his skin became ghostly pale. They kept their stares holding for a long while, even whilst Harry gently pushed Adelaide off his lap so he could stand up, even whilst he walked slowly over to Carter, even whilst he was only a foot in front of her. It was the weirdest sensation Carter had ever felt, staring into the eyes of her long lost father after all these years, and for him to be staring right back with tears threatening to spill.

 

Carter gulped and parted her lips so she could speak "My name is Amy Carter Tomlinson - and I'm the biological daughter of Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles"

 

And that's when the silence broke.

 

Adelaide got up from the couch, her murderous glare aimed at Carter as she screamed "You're lying! Stop lying!"

 

"She isn't lying!" Maia retorted calmly, coming to Carter's defence "Do you really think my dad would even have let her stay in the house if she was?"

 

"I don't know! But I know my dad didn't sleep with that man! Dad you didn't! Please tell me you didn't!"

 

Carter watched with shock as Maia held back a seething Adelaide who looked as if she wanted nothing more than to come and tear Carter's head off. Though Carter couldn't pay her much attention as her father was still staring at her, the tears now spilling freely onto his cheeks as he quietly cried. She stood frozen as he slowly reached his hand forward and gently stroked her cheek, his thumb running over her cheekbone softly. She could feel her lower lip wobbling and she quickly grasped his wrist, wanting him to stop before she burst into tears. She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't. _She wasn't_.

 

Though the next thing she knew, her father pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly to his chest and she knew her composure was long gone. She crumbled into her father's embrace and began to sob, clutching the back of his shirt tightly as if she was afraid to let go. Her father had buried his head into her neck and she could feel the tears fall onto her bare skin. He stroked her long hair in a soothing manner and it made her relax sightly and her heaving sobs die down into hiccups really quickly. The both of them were so lost in the moment that they didn't notice Zayn and Maia escort Adelaide upstairs, an Adelaide who was just about ready to have a breakdown.

 

By the time they pulled apart, both with teared stain cheeks and watery eyes, Zayn was back standing in the archway next to him. Carter sent her father a weary smile, which he returned whilst he wiped away the tears on her cheek. 

 

"You believe me?" She asked, her voice cracking on the last syllable. 

 

Her father chuckled, the sound coming out croaky as he nodded slowly.

 

"Of course love. I mean at first I was skeptical, but no one can deny that you are pretty much the splitting image of your.. um.. your other father - and I do believe Zayn wouldn't lie to me and that he would make sure you are telling the truth" 

 

Zayn huffed out a laugh at that "I really did make sure she was telling the truth. She can definitely prove it to you all"

 

"She doesn't need to" Niall pitched in, coming over and wrapping his arm around Carter's shoulders "Welcome to the family Carter"

 

Carter tried to chuckle, to smile, to do anything that showed gratitude but instead she just burst into tears again. Niall immediately pulled her into a hug, his other arm coming around and wrapping around her lower back so that he could hold her into his chest. Harry was quick to hug her as he layered himself on the back of Carter, stretching his long octopus arms so that he could hug both her and Niall. Zayn and Liam found themselves just patting the shoulder's of their former bandmates, not being able to comfort Carter themselves as she was stuffed into a Niall and Harry sandwich. It didn't take long for Carter to stop crying, and start giggling as she felt herself being squished between her father and Niall. The two men dispersed, both of them chuckling themselves and soon within a split second, everyone in the room was bursting with laughter. As Carter laughed, she realized that she had no idea why any of them were laughing. It was probably because the past five minutes had already taken an emotional toll on everyone.

 

After they stopped laughing, the five of them all sat on the lounges, with Zayn grabbing some tea for them all. The four men couldn't help but stare at Carter when she described her favourite kind of tea - Yorkshire with just a splash of milk - and she knew it was because it was how her pop made his tea too. She watched the fond smiles that graced each of their lips and the way her father's eyes lit up like a thousand stars. It couldn't help but make her heart soar as she saw the endearment that the four men showed towards her pop. Her pop who hadn't made the effort to see them in a very, very long time. 

 

As she sipped her tea, it was Liam who decided to ask the question they looked like they had been dying to ask since the moment they found out about Louis.

 

"How is he?" Liam blurted out "How's Louis?"

 

Carter smiled softly "He's good, great actually. He owns several small business around town, including a record shop which he loves to go to a lot of the time. People in Donny are pretty chill about Pop, they don't bother him or ask him why he left the band and such and I don't go out with my father unless we're going to one of my grandfather’s or one of my aunties places. He likes to protect me, and I don't mind because I know he does it out of love. From all the stories he’s told, I can tell that sometimes your fanbase can be a little on the… hysterical side”

 

The boys all chuckled at that, nodding their heads in unison.

 

“So…” Niall began to say, looking at Carter “Your father tells stories about us?”

 

Carter laughed at that, rolling her eyes “Are you kidding me? Most of the time you’re all he talks about. I learnt about the four of you since the moment I was born. He still has all your albums and books and photos. I used to beg him to tell me stories about you guys every night, about the different adventures you guys went on. I remember one time he almost let it slip that he had stayed up one night smoking weed with Zayn. So instead he covered it up with the fact that instead he stayed up searching for fairies. Granted I was five at the time, so I totally believed every word. Such a storyteller my pop is. I only found out it was weed until much later, when I was at a family gathering and my pop admitted it when he had maybe one too many beers”

 

The four men surrounding her were all laughing at that, especially Zayn who had his head buried in his hands.

 

“That sounds like such a thing Louis would do” He gasped out in between laughter. 

 

“You’re telling me! The amount of inappropriate stuff my father almost let slip was uncanny. I guess I can’t blame him considering the amount of reckless stuff you guys did. Though from all the stories he told, one of the funniest times was when he pranked you guys into thinking that a pregnant interviewer was giving birth”

 

Liam and Harry both groaned, whilst Zayn snickered.

 

“It was both your father and I” Zayn exclaimed with a small laugh “Each of their reactions were hilarious though. Niall seemed like he was unbothered, Liam was running around trying to figure out what to do and Harry - don’t get me started on Harry”

 

Carter grinned “Oh I heard all about that, Pop was like ‘oh your father, he was so funny. He looked like he was about to bloody shit his pants. He was legit ready to deliver that baby right there and I swear to God I had to pull in my acting skills right then and there babes cause otherwise I would of been on the floor dying of laughter’. Though thinking back, he happened to be dying from laughter whilst telling the story”

 

The boys all chuckled to themselves, all the boys apart from Harry who was staring at his daughter with a gleam to his eye.

 

“So did you always know I was your father?” Harry asked.

 

“Ever since I can remember” Carter replied “I always knew you were my dad, my pop made sure of that. He had pictures of all of you guys, but he especially had pictures of just you. As a kid, I always wanted to meet you but Pop was always against the idea - even if he didn’t try to show it. So instead I just looked at the pictures of you, and got Pop to tell stories about you. I grew up knowing almost everything about you, despite not ever meeting you”

 

Although Harry smiled softly at her, she could see the way his lower lip wobbled.

 

“Well, guess I got some catching up to do, don’t I?” Harry retorted, reaching over and patting Carter’s knee.

 

She felt as if her heart was gonna burst as she smiled and nodded at her father. She hadn’t expected this great of a reaction, in fact she had expected the worst. So the fact her father was willingly wanting to get to know her and be in her life, made all the dread and anxiety go away. She had always been happy with her pop, though at this moment she felt happier then she ever had before. Maybe it was because she finally met the person she had been dreaming of meeting all her life. 

 

“Do you have any photos of your father?” Liam asked “I can’t remember the last time I saw any recent photo of him”

 

Carter nodded and quickly pulled her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it. Straight away, it popped up with the picture she had almost shown Zayn before Adelaide threw a scene. It was a picture from only a month prior, at the Keepmoat stadium she loved so dearly. She had gone to play footy for the afternoon with Ernie and her pop, the three of them kicking the ball around the large pitch. It was always Louis and Ernie against Carter, but no matter how many times they played she would always win. However, no matter how many times her pop would lose, and pretend to pout and sulk — he’d always be proud of how great his daughter was at footy. He made sure to tell her thousands of times.

 

The picture was taken by Ernie at the end of the day, when they were packing up to leave. Carter and her pop stood side by side, his arm around her waist as they both grinned into the camera. Her curly hair was tied up into a ponytail, which had been neat at the start of the day but had slowly fallen out due to the amount of running she had done. Though looking at the picture, Carter could see how happy she was. Her dimples were very prominent in her cheeks and her eyes were shining, a clear sign that she was in a state of bliss at the time of the photo. She could tell her pop was happy too, as he mirror imaged her, with his gigantic smile and bright eyes. She could tell it was weird for the guys to see her pop after so long, especially as he had changed a bit since the one direction days. 

 

He still had stubble on his chin, and shaggy brown hair. Yet most of the time, his hair was slicked back on top of his head in some sort of quiff. He was a bit more broader then the One Direction days, she could guess it was from not exercising as often as he used to. However, he did like to keep in somewhat shape, either by going to the gym as often as he could or playing footy regularly with Carter. Carter also believed he’d shrunk slightly, though every time she would say that to her pop, he would refuse it and just say that Carter was abnormally tall. She was tall, around 5’10, but not as tall as her pop liked to exaggerate. 

 

He had a few more tattoos but nothing so significant that you could spot. They were a small few things here and there, though Carter’s favourite happened to be her name written underneath his ‘It is what it is’ tattoo that laid out on his chest. 

 

The phone was passed around as each of the four men took in the picture, looking at their long lost bandmate and his long lost daughter. It was almost as if they were trying to engrain the picture into their minds. Especially Harry, who looked at it for almost a complete five minutes.

 

“So, your pop… Louis… doesn’t know you’re here?” Her father asked as he passed the phone back to her.

 

Carter nodded “Yeah, he would of freaked and forbidden me to go if I told him. So I decided to enlist the help of Dee and keep it a secret from him. She drove me to the train station and I used my birthday money to buy a train here. Then I got a taxi here and I guess the rest is history”

 

“Who’s Dee? And how did you know where Zayn lived?” Niall questioned.

 

“Dee’s the nickname I call Doris. She usually just goes by Dory or her name but I wasn’t able to pronounce her name as a toddler so I just called her Dee, and the name stuck. She’s my best friend, apart from my pop of course. Despite the fact it stressed her out to the max, she helped me because she knew this was really important to me. It’s why I love her do death… And as for how I knew where Zayn lived, my dad had the address written down”

 

Carter looked over at Zayn who got her pop’s contact book out of his pocket, showing it to the others. 

 

“But won’t Louis be worried?” Liam asked “I mean, I know that if one of my kids left without my knowledge I’d freak. And Louis is a pretty protective bloke”

 

“He is” Carter stated with a sigh “Yes, he is gonna freak. In fact…”

 

They all looked in confusion as she looked down at her phone, the time clearly displaying that it was 1:02. It didn’t take long, only maybe about ten seconds, before it started ring, the contact name showing up as _Pop (ICE)_ with a selfie of Carter and Louis. The four men watched as Carter let the phone ring through before switching off her phone before her father could call her again.

 

“Carter! What are you doing?” Zayn shouted in an exasperated tone, trying to grab the phone from her hands.

 

Carter held it away and sighed.

 

“I know what I’m doing okay? Pop always comes home at 1, and when I’m not there, he’ll try calling. If I don’t pick up my phone, Pop immediately goes to my grandfather Dan’s house, where Dee lives. I usually forget to tell him I’m going there. So the minute he gets there, Dee will tell him everything and he’ll be on his way here. I’m just buying myself an extra twenty minutes because I know the moment he gets here, he’ll do everything in his power to make sure I come home with him. He’ll try to take me away from you”

 

She looked towards her father at the last bit of her statement, whilst he just stared back with furrowed eyebrows.

 

“I’m sure even if he does, I can come visit you. As much as he may try from now on, he can’t keep me out of your life” Her father said, placing a comforting hand on her knee.

 

Carter shook her head, her eyes welling up with tears “No, if I go back, you won’t see me again for a while. You see… Pop told me in May that he’s planning to move us to Australia as soon as the summer’s over. There’s opportunities for him in Perth, and he said it would be a good change for us. He’s gonna let me intern at his new businesses until February next year, when the new school year starts in Australia, then I’m going to complete school there. He was trying to get me excited for it, telling me how they have amazing football stuff there, but as much as I’ve always wanted to go to Australia — I can’t move there. Well not anytime soon”

 

She took a deep breath, willing herself to keep it together, before looking up at the men in front of her.

 

“That’s why I came here today because I want to spend as much time as I can with dad before I leave. Pop’s stubborn — and as much as I tried to convince him against it, his mind is pretty much made up about Australia. I want to spend these next two months here in London, so that if I have to move, I can move at least knowing my father”

 

The four men exchanged a look before Harry stood up and held his arms out.

 

“Come here love” He said and Carter wasn’t hesitant to jump up and bury her head in her father’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to his body, rocking the two of them slightly.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll do everything in my power to let you stay here, I want to get to know you too, I don’t want to lose you now that you’ve only just found me. I promise, I’m not letting you go anytime soon” Harry whispered soothingly. As much as he was attempting to convince her, Carter knew that he was mostly trying to convince himself.

 

“Thanks Dad” Carter responded as the two of them broke away. It wasn’t long before all the other former One Direction members jumped up, each of them pulling the Tomlinson/Styles child in a huge hug, saying that they all wanted to get to know her too.

 

“You’re part of the family now Carter” Niall told her “Which means we’ll do anything to help you out, as well as the fact that we want to get to know you as well. But you can only be welcomed into the 1D family on one condition”

 

Carter pinched her eyebrows together “And what is that?”

 

Niall grinned, wrapping each of his arms around both Zayn and Liam, pulling them into his side.

 

“You gotta call us all uncle from now on okay? I won’t accept just Niall or Mr. Horan or any of that crap. It’s Uncle Niall”

 

Carter laughed and rolled her eyes but decided to play along “Okay… _Uncle_ Niall”

 

“Thatta girl!” He cheered pulling her into another crushing hug. She giggled, still not believing how surreal this all was. The other men laughed as well, the whole living room soon filling up with the sound of their laughter. Carter knew that she had always had a family; she had always had her pop and her aunties and uncles, her granddads and various other relatives. However, now she had a whole new family. The One Direction family. And it made every fibre in her body tingle with happiness. 

 

As Niall released her, Carter saw Harry check his watch with a sigh before he looked over at Carter apologetically. 

 

“Sorry love, but I have some work to do back at home that can’t wait until later. I wish I could stay here and talk to you further but I need to go home-“

 

“Are you leaving me?” She burst out, worry in her tone “I mean, as much as I don’t mind staying here with Zayn.. I mean _Uncle Zayn_ … I would rather go with you”

 

Harry frowned “I want you to come with me too, but I’m concerned about Louis…”

 

“Don’t worry about Tommo” Liam stated “I don’t have anywhere to be so I can stay here until he gets here, help Zayn out when he arrives”

 

“Same” Niall said “Vi won’t mine handling the kids for a couple of hours, especially if I explain the circumstances. I think the three of us need to have a talk with Louis anyways, it’s been a while”

 

“Take your daughter with you Haz” Zayn chimed in “Spend some quality time with her, you don’t know how much more you are gonna get after today”

 

Carter looked over at her father who was smiling fondly at her “You sure you want to come and spend time with your boring old dad?”

 

She chuckled softly, nodding her head frantically “Yes… yes I really really would”

 

He leant over and gave her a swift kiss on her head before sighing to himself “Okay, you wait here with the lads whilst I go get Adelaide. That isn’t going to be fun at all”

 

All the other men grimaced. Carter guessed that each of them, having known Adelaide long enough, knew how the next few minutes would go.

 

“Good luck mate” Niall said as Harry headed out of the room and up the stairs.

 

They turned their attention back to Carter and began to ask her more questions about her life. In the ten minutes it took for Harry and Adelaide to return, Carter had told them about her family and her insane love of football. They listened intently, even when she went on a big rant about football, talking about different matches she loved and her favourite moves. She could see they found it quite funny along with reminiscent considering her pop was also very passionate about football.

 

She was in the middle of talking about a game she played recently with her pop, when they heard footsteps causing them to all look over as Harry reentered the room, followed by both Adelaide and Maia. 

 

“Maia” Zayn called beckoning her forward. She wandered over to her father, who led her over to Carter who stood sheepishly by the couch.

 

“I’d like to properly introduce you to Carter, who I’m sure you’ll be seeing more of now” He said gesturing to the girl in front of him “And Carter, this is my daughter Maia. I’m sure you guys will get along fine”

 

Maia smile softly “It’s nice to meet you Carter. Welcome to the family”

 

“It’s nice to meet you too” Carter replied, before she was pulled into a quick (and slightly awkward) hug by the younger girl. 

 

When they pulled away, Harry waved Carter over and she was quick to go to him. Adelaide was no longer scowling, but there was a hardness to her eyes and her crossed arms showed she was still not impressed. Carter ignored it however, in favour of saying goodbye to her uncles who couldn’t resist giving her another bone crushing hug. She said goodbye to the three of them and Maia, wishing the men good luck with her pop, before following her father and half sister out the front door.

 

They headed to the driveway, where three cars now sat. Carter’s eyes couldn’t help but bulge at the expensive cars, especially seeing that her father was walking towards the sleek black range rover. She wondered what it was like living a life of luxury like this — she especially wondered what it was like for Adelaide and Maia, children of two One Direction stars who had the limelight on them constantly. Harry went to the driver’s seat, whilst Adelaide was quick to gain possession of the passenger seat. So Carter found herself sitting in the back seat, behind her _darling_ sister.

 

Harry started up the engine and reversed down the driveway, making Adelaide (despite her protests) jump out of the car to open the gate. Once the grumpy teen got back in the car, they drove off down the road, over to wherever Harry resided. It was silent for a few minutes, apart from a quiet indie tune which played through the radio. Her pop didn’t particularly prefer indie music, but Carter had grown up with it thanks to her aunt Phoebe. Despite the fact that her pop and her had some similar music tastes (since most of the music she listened to was introduced to her by him) they actually preferred different music to listen to. It’s why her pop never let her pick the music in the car.

 

“So where do you live Dad?” Carter asked, trying to break the tense silence that had lasted a long while. Adelaide made a noise in the front seat but it was ignored by both Carter and Harry.

 

“About fifteen minutes south” Harry responded “I live a bit closer to the city than Zayn does. It’s just easier cause I have to make more frequent trips for work, whereas Zayn is a bit more lenient. Though it’s close enough that Addy can catch the bus or get a lift to visit Maia when she wants to”

 

Carter nodded in reply, whilst Adelaide stayed silent not saying a word. The attitude that her half sister displayed was so rude that Carter hoped she wouldn’t have to see much of her over the next however long she was in London. So she didn’t bother to ask Adelaide anything, and instead let the silence consume the car once again. If there was one thing she knew for sure, it was that she was glad she never had to grow up with a sister.

 

**To Be Continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**PART l: REUNITED (CONTINUED)**

 

**& L  &**

  
****

_I’m going to kill her_ Louis thought bitterly as he kept his foot on the accelerator, the trunk road becoming more and more busy as he neared the turn off. He was livid and absolutely furious at the actions of his sixteen year old daughter. His daughter he raised to put her safety first and to call or text him anytime she left the house. The sixteen year old he raised to make mature decisions and listen to her father. The sixteen year old he raised to spend her money on emergencies. Except she hadn’t displayed any of that when she boarded a train to bloody _London_ and had somehow found her way all the way to his ex bandmate's house. 

 

His hands clenched the steering wheel as he willed himself to keep driving, instead of parking on the side of the road and having a meltdown. He was so mad he could of hit something, hit something _preferably_ with his car. However, he didn’t want to cause an accident — he wanted nothing to prevent him from reaching his daughter.

 

He was so furious when his sister told him. Doris was so frightened, especially when he got quite livid at her. He could only imagine it was because of the look of absolute fury on his face. He couldn’t believe what she was saying to him… that she had helped Carter get to the train station so that she could go and track down Harry. The man that he had been trying to keep her away from ever since the moment he find out she was inside of him. 

 

A small part of his mind kept reminding him that it was his own fault. That he had told Carter so many wonderful stories about him, talking about how much similarities she had to him, but then refusing to let her meet him. Of course she would want to meet her other father, it wasn’t a ridiculous desire to have. Yet he couldn’t help have this childish anger towards her, blaming her for the fact that he had to drive almost three hours to come and get her. 

 

He let his anger become a distraction, a distraction for the nerves that bundled in his stomach. He hadn’t seen his bandmates since 2015, when he had abruptly left the band. He hadn’t spoken to them since, not when he released solo music or even when his mum died. He hadn’t responded to their happy birthday posts, or any of their constant texts to try and reach him. He had stopped talking to them, and eventually blocked them. He even went as far as getting a new number, completely cutting contact with them. It pained him to do so, and he knew how much he’d hurt his friends, the three boys he called brothers from the age of eighteen. Though he couldn’t risk them knowing, especially since they were likely to let it slip to Harry. 

 

He’d been in love with Harry practically since their time in the _X Factor_. They’d met in a bathroom at bootcamp, and had hit it off almost straight away. So it was almost destiny that they got paired together in a group with three other guys. All throughout their time together, they got along really well, better than Louis got on with Liam, Zayn and Niall. They were quick to be best friends and it wasn’t long after that that they started a relationship together. At first it was perfect, the two of them together were a dynamite couple. The boys thought they were sickening, their families thought they were adorable and everyone they came across who knew of their relationship, thought it was a match made in heaven. So of course, it wasn’t long until their relationship had became known to management, who had told them that for the sake of publicity, they weren’t allowed to come out for a couple of years. It was a statement written in their contracts stating that _‘inter-band relationships were not to be addressed publicly until market advisors agree that the relationship won’t affect overall sales’_. However they permitted them to date in private as much as they liked. At first, everyone was agitated by management’s request to Harry and Louis’ relationship a secret, but in the end they were quite grateful. It allowed them to do things normal couples would do, without being hounded about their relationship constantly. 

 

But of course, they weren’t sly and many fans caught on.

 

Thinking back, Louis knew that they were the perfect couple for the most part - it wasn’t until their later years, that their relationship went to shit, leaving him left to piece together the broken pieces of his heart. Mending his heart all for the wellbeing of the baby he was carrying inside of him. 

 

Carter was probably the best thing that came out of their relationship, if he had to be honest. She was everything Louis could of ever asked for. Despite the fact she was currently rebelling against him, she was still his favourite person in the entire world and someone who he would take a bullet for in a heartbeat.

 

He knew he was protective over his daughter, really over protective. Though in the day and age where technology was becoming so prominent and there were fans all over the world that didn’t know she existed — He had to be cautious. But instead of protecting her like he always promised her he would, he pushed her away and caused her to come to London all by herself, in search of some answers Louis refused to give her. A part of him regretted not telling his daughter why he left her father, what her father had done. Though the other part of him knew that he did the right thing, he didn’t want to give Carter a bad impression of Harry, regardless of the fact that Harry and him ended on terrible terms.

 

Louis pulled off of the mainroad and quickly found himself on the street in which his ex best friend lived. Even with the fact that his daughter had taken the contact book with the address in it, Louis had it practically engrained in his mind. He had stared at it so many times over the past several years, deciding on whether he would make a surprise visit the next time he was in London. Though he chickened out every time, and instead pretended that he had no clue of the existence of any of his former bandmates addresses.

 

He zoomed down the road, heart thumping in his chests as the numbers on the front of the houses increased. He probably should of prepared himself for this reunion beforehand, but all he could think about was getting to Carter; finding his daughter.

 

Eventually the number on the house matched the one on the address and with a heavy sigh, Louis found himself pulling into the small bit of driveway out the front. He saw that the gates were closed, and judging from the small intercom next to them, he realised they must have been automatic gates. He groaned to himself, taking a minute to steady his breath before he heaved himself out of the car. He left the engine running and his door wide open as he marched up to the small panel and jabbed this finger onto the intercom button repeatedly. 

 

It wasn’t long at all until a voice crackled through the speakers.

 

“Malik residence” The familiar sultry voice spoke, making Louis clench his eyes shut for a second. Despite not having seen his best friend since 2015, he knew him too well. He could hear the mixed emotions that rattled in those two words that he spoke, and he knew that Zayn knew it was him standing there at that moment.

 

“Zayn fucking Malik, I swear to God if you don’t let me —” Louis started to snarl, but was interrupted by the sound of the gates opening. He was quick to turn around and jump into his car, speeding it onto the property and up the driveway to Zayn’s house. Louis remembers getting texted the address back in 2023, when Zayn told him how he and Perrie had moved out of the home they lived in for almost a whole decade. The home Louis had helped them find and purchase. Of course, upon receiving the text, Louis hadn’t replied, nor did he make it known that he had seen it. Instead he copied the address down on a piece of paper and hid it away, not bothering to look at it again for a couple of years. It was only until 2028 that he rediscovered the paper. It didn’t take him long to discover that Zayn and Perrie still did live in the beautiful North London home, so he didn’t hesitate to copy the address into an address book he bought, and keep it safe in his desk drawers.

 

Parked in the driveway ahead of him were two sleek cars, one resembling a very _very_ newer edition Porsche Macan, the other a white range rover. Louis couldn’t help but feel a little bit inadequate with his 2025 four door Nissan, however one thing he had promised himself was to give Carter a practically normal life. Like the life he once lived before One Direction. And with that, it included not spending his money on lavish things such as expensive cars and homes. He didn’t want her to take things for granted, or to become spoilt or entitled. He wanted her to just be Carter, a normal sixteen year old girl who loved footy and family. At least that was a promise he pretty much kept.

 

He parked the car behind the range rover and jumped out of it in a hurry, slamming the door behind him as he bolted for the entrance. It was no surprise to find when he got there, that the front door was already open wide, with a familiar man standing in the doorway. Despite his head being clouded with frantic thoughts relating to the whereabouts of his daughter, it couldn’t have distracted him from the moment his eyes laid on Zayn. He had seen recent pictures of him over the past several years but nothing compared to seeing his ex bandmate in the flesh after almost seventeen years. Looks wise, his bandmate hadn’t changed a bit, he looked almost exactly the same as the last time Louis ever saw him. His dark hair was slicked back on his head, his jaw was covered in a soft black scruff and his face didn’t display one wrinkle. 

 

Even with the man before him having aged well, Louis could see the differences that most people couldn’t. He could see the wisdom and maturity that radiated off him, a big contrast to the scared, sad state that he was in all those years ago. He could see that bags no longer hung under his eyes, unlike the constant ones that were there almost everyday during their time in One Direction. He could see the way he’d opened himself up more, the way he wasn’t as closed off as he used to be at the age of twenty two. Long gone was the brick wall that only a few people could climb over, and now he seemed entirely comfortable with himself and his life. 

 

Louis didn’t bother to stare at Zayn any further, cause if he continued, he was pretty sure his heart would crumble inside of him. The pain was overwhelming, the pain of longing and sadness, the pain of having missed his best friend so much. It was hard to not look at Zayn, and remember how hard it was to cut him off completely from his life. To pretend like the memories the two of them shared together never happened, to pretend that the Bradford man wasn’t his shoulder to lean on for five years straight. 

 

So instead, he charged up the stairs and pushed past Zayn into his ridiculously nice home.

 

“Where’s my daughter?” He growled, turning back in the direction of his ex friend. He let his worry over his daughter take over as he shot his most menacing glare at the man in the doorway, making sure to let him know that he wasn’t taking any bullshit “Where is Carter?”

 

Zayn sighed and heaved himself off the doorway, taking a step closer to Louis. Louis took a small step back, a warning raise of the eyebrow letting Zayn know to not come any closer.

 

“I asked you a simple fucking question Malik” Louis gritted out again “Where is my daughter?”

 

Zayn took a deep breath and met Louis’ gaze.

 

“She’s not here” The raven haired man replied simply — and it was all it took for Louis’ eyes to turn to slits.

 

He took two steps closer so that he was only a foot from the passive man. He made himself look as intimidating as possible; his lips were clenched, his nostrils were flaring and he had the darkest glower he could muster. Every fibre in his body was burning, he could feel himself starting to lose control of himself. Emotions were crashing down on in him like wildfire, so many emotions that he could barely pinpoint a single one. However all he knew was that he was panicking… he had no idea where Carter was.

 

“What the _fuck_ do you mean she’s not here?” Louis seethed, his fists clenching as he tried to calm down the harshness to his breathing. He was scared, petrified… and that made him undeniably angry.

 

“I mean she is not here Louis” Zayn spoke calmly, as if Louis wasn’t about to deck him “She went with Harry”

 

A part of him was expecting that obviously. Dory told him why Carter was coming to London, and it was all to meet her father.. . it was all to meet Harry. Yet, he had talked himself out of that solution, saying that Harry was probably busy or that Zayn was smart enough to realise that Louis didn’t want Carter to go anywhere near his ex boyfriend. He thought that the minute he got here, his little girl would be sitting on the couch, and he would be able to take her into his arms. All he wanted to do was to hug her right now, make sure she was safe. Yet now he couldn’t, and the overwhelming fear of losing his daughter fuelled a fire in his belly.

 

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me, you _fucking_ bastard!” Louis screamed, jolting Zayn out whatever chilled state he’d been in. Zayn had the decency to look worried, as he stared at Louis with wide eyes. 

 

“You are saying, that after you realised that my daughter — my sixteen year old daughter — had made her way to London by herself, without my knowledge, that you handed her to a _stranger_ and let him take her with him? Without my knowledge? Are you actually that unbelievably stupid? Did you just actually get that dense and brainless in the past seventeen years that you let my daughter go somewhere without my knowing?” 

 

Wrath was seeping out of him now as he stood there shaking in the middle of the foyer. Zayn remained still, not uttering a word and trying his best to make his face remain neutral. But it wasn’t hard for Louis to see that he touched a nerve and that Zayn was trying to decide between being upset or angry. Louis thought that maybe if Zayn was upset that he'd gain some pleasure from it. However, at the moment, it only made him feel that much worse. 

 

He could feel his insides churning and his heart thumping in his chest. His breathing was so intense that it was almost like it was the only sound in the room. All he could hear was his deep wheezing breaths as he tried to regain some control of himself, tried to stop the worry, and the anger and the hurt from crushing his body to bits. If you had talked to him whilst he was in One Direction, he would of told you that there was no way emotional hurt could transfer into physical pain, that it was just impossible. However, since being pregnant with Carter and having to leave all the people that he had once called family, he would say it was very very possible. And right now, having his daughter not be there with him, the daughter who he loved more then he could ever imagine. He felt like every bone in his body was breaking. 

 

After his mother died, his father eventually retired in Liverpool and five out of his six siblings moved away, Louis’ emotional support relied only on his daughter. He never made this known to her of course, because it should be the child relying on their parent rather than the exact opposite. However, he had raised Carter all by himself from the moment he found out about her and since then he came to rely on her as the only fixed person in his life. The only stable person who was bound to not leave him. It was a pathetic thought to have because of course she had to grow up and move away sometime — but not at sixteen. He never thought she’d leave him so young. And now for the first time since his pregnancy, he was beginning to realise how alone he was and that caused so much pain that it was hard to even fight it.

 

“Lou” A voice spoke softly, a voice that made Louis’ blood run cold. He looked up to see the two worried faces of his ex bandmates standing in Zayn’s living room. It took his brain a moment to process them, both Niall and Liam, as they stood side by side only a foot away from him. They looked different from the two boys he knew long ago, the boys who he used to know everything about. Niall, who had spoken, was slightly in front of Liam, edging towards Louis ever so slowly. However, the older man wasn’t ready — in fact he hadn’t been prepared at all to see his ex bandmates. The only person he really prepared himself for was Zayn, and even then he hadn’t quite realised the extent of his residual pain.

 

So it wasn’t surprising to him when he started to breakdown.

 

He could feel himself starting to wheeze and his legs beginning to shake, he could feel his mind beginning to become fuzzy and black spots blur his vision. However during that time, he didn’t notice that he had tottered over to the staircase and sat down, nor that the three men were surrounding him, all of them concerned beyond belief.

 

“Louis?” He heard Zayn distantly exclaim “Are you all right?”

 

Though Louis couldn’t answer, instead concentrating on the pressure that built up on his chest. It was a pressure he was all too familiar with, a pain that he had become normal in his abnormal life. Ever since he left One Direction, panic attacks were something that he experienced regularly. His family were used to them, especially the first few years after his departure. He had them so often that sometimes he ended up in hospital, because he was so anxious all the time he could barely function. His daughter never knew however, because he didn’t want to upset her. He always felt the need to put on this strong facade for Carter, because he wanted her to think that he was fine, that he was always fine. Though he knew sometimes she saw through the cracks, but he was lucky she had never witnessed this.

 

His sister Fizzy had described that watching his panic attacks was like watching him die. He would wheeze as if he couldn’t breathe, he would shake uncontrollably and sometimes he would pass out or become unresponsive. The feeling of dying would be a good way to describe what it felt like to have a panic attack — the pain in his chest and the shakiness of his mind made it so hard for him to focus on anything. All he could feel was hurt and it made the attacks that much worse for him. 

 

He began to feel the black spots taking over, and he could feel himself slowly slipping from consciousness, when all of a sudden something grounded him. A warmth, the warmth of a hand that he could feel on his upper back. Another hand grabbed his own, and squeezed it tightly, as if letting him know that someone was there. The hand on his back began to move up and down, in a soothing motion and Louis focused on it. He counted each time it would move up and down and by the time he reached thirty, his breathing had levelled out. The pain on his chest was still there, but it was much more bearable now, and he could feel it slowly dissipating. He opened his eyes and soon the world around him became in focus again, and he could see his surrounding clearly. 

 

He took note that it was Niall who was beside him, holding his hand and rubbing his back. That surprised him as Niall was one of the worst people to go to for comfort. Niall was one of the nicest men he knew, and was always fun to be around. However, he was never able to deal with people crying or in states that Louis had just been in. Zayn was always good at that, however at the moment Zayn just looked petrified. He was knelt in front of Louis, eyes wide with unshed tears. His lips were trembling and his face was pale and overall it just tugged at Louis’ heart. Despite the fact that he had broken of their friendship without a word, and hadn't spoken to him for seventeen years, the man still cared for him and that made his heart clench. 

 

Liam was lingering at the edge of the bannister, worry prevalent on his face. He wasn’t hovering however, and Louis was quite grateful for that. He didn’t like it when people crowded him, it made him feel panicky and claustrophobic. He never used to be like that in One Direction, he was rather the most comfortable in the hordes of crowds. Though it wasn’t a surprise that he had changed a lot from his One Direction days, so much that the man he once knew hardly existed anymore.

 

Niall gripped him tightly and helped him to his feet, walking him over to one of the couches in Zayn’s living room. the couches were soft and Louis found himself sinking into them, any energy and fight he had in him slowly draining. Louis kept his head down, feeling deflated and quite overly embarrassed. He averted his gaze to the floor as Niall and Zayn sat beside him, and Liam in front of him on the coffee table. There was a tense silence for a few moments as Louis tried to figure out what to do. He didn’t want to be in this room any longer, feeling vulnerable and weak. However he wouldn’t leave without Carter and with his body shaking this much, he didn't know whether he would even make it to the front door.

 

The silence was still looming and Louis knew it was because the boys were waiting for him to say something. It almost seemed like they had gone back in time seventeen years, back to the time when he was considered the leader of their band. He was the oldest, and for a while the most confident. He spoke for everyone, and was always the one they turned to break the tension or to speak in their defence. He was always never afraid to hold his tongue, and for a while it’s what made him likeable. 

 

“Do you remember…” Louis murmured softly “The time when Liam and Danielle broke up for the second time, and we were all trying to comfort Liam and all Niall could say was ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ before asking if anyone wanted to go get some pints?” 

 

There was silence for a few moments as the men all processed what Louis had said. Though it wasn’t long before Zayn began to snicker, whilst Niall just burst out laughing. Liam however looked bemused, but there were the beginnings of a smile on the corner of his lips. 

 

“What brought that on Tommo?” Niall asked with a chuckle. Louis felt his heart warm at Niall’s use of his old nickname. 

 

Louis sighed “I just remembered how horrible you were at comforting people, yet somehow you were able to stay with me and calm me down from a panic attack? Not even my sisters can really do that and they’ve witnessed me having them numerous times. I was just confused that’s all”

 

Niall smiled softly, and patted Louis’ shoulder “Yeah I used to be real shit at being there for you guys, kind of made me feel like crap as you were always there for me. Though I got better at it after I met my wife, Violet. You’d like her Louis, she’s got the best sense of humour and she’s one of the kindest people I know. But she was diagnosed with anxiety as a kid, right before she hit high school and when we first got together, anxiety attacks were not an uncommon thing for me to see from her”

 

Louis looked up from the ground to look over at Niall.

 

“So I learnt how to help her through them and I guess I became kind of pro at it” Niall explained with slight laughter in his voice “And I guess having six kids always helps”

 

Louis’ eyes widened at that “Six? God damn Niall. Of course you’d have the biggest family of them all”

 

Niall grinned “You know me Tomlinson, I was always planning on having a bunch of mini me’s running around. But I always expected it was going to be you and Harry who had the most kids out of us bunch. You always seemed to love talking about it”

 

And whatever happiness Louis had felt before then, vanished in a flash. He looked back down at the ground, ignoring the stares of the three men surrounding him.

 

“Nice one Niall” Liam scoffed.

 

Louis could feel Niall shrug next to him, whilst Zayn placed an arm around the older man’s shoulders, pulling him to his side.

 

“Lou, we just want you to explain what happened between you and Harry. I mean one second you were with us and the next you left, no word of explanation. We knew that it must have been because of that big fight you and H had but… what was so bad about it that you dropped everything for these past seventeen years?”

 

Zayn’s words circled in his head as he tried to think of something to say in reply. He knew he really had no explanation for leaving the band, leaving the boys, leaving Harry. He honestly didn’t know how to explain it to them without sounding unreasonable, like he was just running away from his problems. The situation between Harry and him had always been a complicated one, far more complicated than the boys ever imagined.

 

“Management were going to let us come out” Louis spoke softly.

 

He can feel the three men tense around him.

 

“What? Management were going to let you go public?” Liam gasped.

 

Louis nodded “You know they just wanted to see how things went with us before they let Harry and I reveal our relationship, and by 2013, Larry Stylinson was so popular that they knew it would be a good thing for the band if we came out, good for us too. They told us in that small break we had before we flew to Australia, and of course I was quick to accept. However, Harry said he wanted to wait a bit — just until things settled down. I was fine with that, and so we continued to act like we always did. And things for a while were great, perfect even. He was happy and I was happy and I kept telling myself, there is no need to rush coming out. Right?

 

“However by mid 2014, it was becoming tougher than ever to keep my relationship from Harry a secret. All I wanted to do was reveal it to the world, and for us to be a normal couple. You know those sappy ones we used to hate; the ones that post cute instagram pictures and videos and disgustingly sickly sweet tweets? Yet every time I brought it up to Harry, he avoided the subject like the plague. He ignored management too, who were insisting we come out soon. It became stressful for me cause there I was trying to get Harry to talk to me, and management to talk to him and it wasn’t long before I found myself drifting away from him. Well more, him drifting away from me - no matter how hard I tried”

 

The boys stayed silent, waiting as Louis caught his breath before continuing on.

 

“By 2015, it was about as bad as it could be. Harry stayed away at his house in LA, whilst I was in London, in the house we shared trying to piece together whatever was left of our relationship. When he came back to England for rehearsals, I thought he was going to ignore me, as that had been the usual deal. Though to my surprise, it was like he was back to normal, kissing me and being intimate with me. Telling me how wonderful I was — I had never felt more amazing. Though of course, good things always come to an end and it was only a few days later he stumbled home with hickeys all on his neck, smelling like a perfume my sisters would like to wear”

 

“Oh Lou” Niall murmured, pity laced in his voice.

 

“It went like this for most of the tour that year, for months Harry dragged me around like a rag doll. One minute he was the boyfriend I always knew and loved, and next second he pretended like I didn’t exist. I felt myself slowly slipping from reality, I just didn’t know what to do. Because I loved him, so much it hurt — but I couldn’t be with him when he kept being so awful to me. And I wanted to turn to one of you guys, I really did, but I didn’t want this tension between me and Harry to split up the band. I didn’t want to cause drama when we were touring the world, singing to millions of people who adored us. So I hid it, pretended like it wasn’t an issue. Management stopped talking to us about coming out — however they did at least release a statement to the media saying Eleanor and I 'broke it off'. I started slipping away into myself, so much that I even tried to do what he did at one point. I kissed some girl in a hotel pool, but I couldn’t go any further because she wasn’t Harry. Harry was all I wanted.

 

“So things continued on like this until start of July, when I started feeling off, like I was ill. I stopped having energy, I felt nauseous all the time, my favourite foods used to make me want to throw up. I thought I was dying, in all honesty, I felt so un- _me_ that I was worried that I was _really_ sick. Though after talking to Caroline, she urged me to take a pregnancy test and was kind enough to go get me a pack whilst we were performing. As soon you guys had all wondered off your own ways, I went to the handicap bathroom at the stadium and hid in there and took the tests. And sure enough… they all told me I was pregnant”

 

Louis stopped himself as he felt a lump lodge in his throat. He took a few deep breaths and blinked away the tears that had welled up in his eyes. He clenched his hands tightly into fists and willed himself to keep talking, even though it brought back too many unbearable memories.

 

“I cried for what seemed like hours, though it was probably only a few minutes. I hid in there until Caroline came to find me and help me out of my state. She was so supportive - she helped me come to terms with the fact that I was having a child and helped me book an appointment at an OBGYN clinic in London, when I knew that I was going to be leaving”

 

“I always thought she knew something” Zayn chimed in “From how she acted after you left, she didn’t seem too shocked”

 

“She was the first one to know” Louis said “I still keep in contact with her actually - I mean I haven’t seen her since I left tour but we’ve corresponded over emails frequently. I send her updates about Carter and she does the same with her children. She seems to be pretty happy which is good”

 

“Caroline always looked after us” Liam said with a small smile “I’m glad she’s doing well” 

 

There a small silence for a moment, before Niall spoke up again.

 

“But Lou” He spoke “This doesn't explain why you left the tour… was it because of that fight you and Harry had?”

 

Louis sighed “Well mostly yes. I was going to leave tour anyways, because there was no way I was going to survive performing whilst being pregnant. And I also didn’t want the media to be vultures and attack on me every time I tried to get anywhere or do anything, I just really wanted for my child to have a normal life. However, I wasn’t going to leave so abruptly; but that’s where Harry comes into it. Did he ever tell you guys what happened during our fight?”

 

The boys all shook their heads and Louis pursed his lips.

 

“Well, I don’t want to re-live it because… let’s just say it was the worst thing that I have ever experienced. We both made some harsh comments and we both yelled until our lungs hurt. It ended up getting so bad to the point that the fight became borderline physical. And it was because of that I left. I didn’t say anything about Carter to Harry because… I couldn’t trust him with treating me right, I couldn't trust him at all. And because of that I couldn’t trust him with my… our child. I know what you guys will say… that he changed and that he became a better person in the years after I left. But — you guys know that feeling when you realise that you are actually a parent? That rush that comes over you when you realise you have created and are responsible for a human life? It’s so scary and anxious but exhilarating at the same time, like a constant adrenaline rush. But it makes you see that you would do anything for that child of yours, like walk through fire and take a bullet and all of that shit. After I left everything, it was just me and Carter and I knew I would do anything to protect her. And it didn’t just mean staying away from Harry, it meant staying away from the public eye. It meant staying away from the fame, and One Direction and the whole music industry. It’s why you didn’t hear from me for so long because, I wanted Carter to be protected from that whole life. I wanted her to have the normal life I had growing up, well - as much as a normal life I could give her”

 

It was tense in the air, and the quiet creeped up on them as the men all sat there and processed Louis’ words. Louis waited patiently, taking in deep breaths as he tried to steady himself once again. His body was shaking, coming down from the anxiety he was feeling just earlier. He felt weak and exhausted, like his body was made of jelly. It took everything in him to keep this conversation going, instead of retreating out the door to his car, where he could cry like he was nine years old again.

 

“That doesn’t explain why you left _us_ ” Zayn finally stated, his words firm “I mean come on Louis! We were your best friends, we did everything together. We raised each other and taught each other how to be celebrities in the music industry. We were each others rocks. And you left just like that? If you wanted stay away from the limelight and leave 1D we would of supported you! If you wanted to leave Harry, we would have —”

 

“Supported me?” Louis interrupted “You know I love you guys, I always have and always will. Yes, you were my rocks and my support system for so long. And leaving the band was the hardest thing I had to do, I’m not lying. Having to be a single parent, without you guys being there with me was so difficult, I had several moments when I almost caved and called you, contacted you after so long. When mum died… I really needed you guys, I really did. Though as much as I loved you, you guys would never have kept myself and Carter a secret from Harry. I know you guys would have tried, you really would have, but in the end it would have slipped somehow. And it took me a while to gain the courage to even think about Harry without breaking down. That may cause me to be weak but — Harry fucked up everything with me. And I knew that if I tried accepting him into Carter’s life, I would of been a wreck. I would of been anxious and nervous around him, I would of been worried about him with Carter and I just would of not been able to cope with it all. I became quite mentally ill towards the end of the last tour, along with when I left. That panic attack you just witnessed? Those happened almost everyday. I really did need you guys, I really did. I never wanted to leave ‘just like that’ but — I had to. You have to believe me when I said I had to. In the end it’s what was best for both Carter and I. Even if neither you nor she understands”

 

Louis knew he was crying, he could feel the hot tears on his cheek and the way his lip couldn’t stop wobbling. But he pretended as if he wasn't and stayed as still as possible as he awaited for how his friends would react. He didn’t know whether they believed him or not, or understood his situation. He knew they were mad at him, he would be too if any of them had done what he had. But right now all he hoped for, was that they understood his reasons and realised why he left them and everything behind.

 

It wasn’t long before Louis was crushed in a hug by Niall, getting pulled into the younger man’s chest fiercely. Niall held him tightly and it was so comforting and familiar, that Louis couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He’d been waiting for a hug like this for seventeen years, he’d longed for an embrace like this for so long. So now it was finally happening, it all seemed too surreal for him to cope. He clutched onto Niall like a lifeline, whilst Zayn carefully moulded himself onto Louis’ back. Liam carefully placed a comforting hand on Louis’ knee, showing that he was there for Louis as well. He sat there in the comforting presence of his mates for God knows how long, but he didn’t even care. He had needed this hug since he knew he was pregnant, since he spent his first night alone in five years, since the moment he had his first panic attack, since the moment he gave birth to his daughter, since the moment his mother died, since the moment he saw Harry had impregnated someone else. He had needed his mates for a while now, and finally it was happening.

 

Slowly, they all detached themselves from each other, and Louis was surprised to notice that all the other boys were visibly upset. Zayn and Niall had both been crying, whereas Liam had a soft, glassy look in his eyes. He shouldn’t have been shocked as they used to be very emotional on tour — to the point where they once all cried over a _F.R.I.E.N.D.S_ episode (though to be fair, they’d each only had a couple hours of sleep). They pretty much all knew each other’s deepest and darkest secrets at one point or another, and it led to many nights of tears and deep and meaningful revelations over a pot of tea or a six pack of beer. Though that was way back in the past, before Louis had left. He hadn’t expected these men to even listen to him, much less actually still care for him.

 

Silence continued to linger in the room for a little bit, before Liam decided to break it.

 

“M’sorry Lou” He murmured “I can’t imagine what going through all of this must have felt like. And I’m sorry we judged you, and doubted you. Gosh thinking back now, if only we’d known what was going on. If we only knew what was _really_ happening right now. Maybe things would have been completely different. Though I can’t go back and change time so instead, I just want you to know that we’re here for you and Carter now. No matter what”

 

“And we should apologise for today” Niall chimed in, causing Louis to turn and look at him in confusion.

 

“What do you mean?” He asked.

 

“For letting Carter leave with Harry?” Zayn said “It was wrong and selfish of us. We saw her let your call through and turn her phone off so you couldn’t call her anymore. We tried to stop her but we let her talk us out of it, saying how she wanted to spend time with Harry. And we heard you were planning to move to Australia, and she desperately wanted to spend time with Harry. I guess because we cared for Harry, and we were still mad at you, we let her go. Even though our parental instincts knew how wrong it was. We all knew you’d be freaking out. Guess we just didn’t know _how_ much”

 

Louis rolled his eyes fondly “Yeah I was a little mad. Well at the time _furious_ but it’s just cause Carter is everything to me, you know? I’ve spent the past seventeen years doing everything I possibly could to protect her and when she wasn’t in my arm’s reach, I freaked. I know I need to let her gain some independence, but I just wasn’t ready yet. And as much as I’m pissed you shipped her off with Harry, even if he is her biological father, I know you three and… you’d never do anything to hurt her. As much as I hate she’s with him, at the same time I know she’s safe”

 

Niall patted him on the back, whilst Zayn bumped their shoulders together.

 

“So… Australia?” Liam questioned and Louis sighed.

 

“I was thinking about it” Louis muttered “There was a business opportunity in Perth, and it seemed almost perfect. After mum’s death, I stayed in Doncaster to help raise the little ones. But they are all grown up now and I just couldn’t keep staying in Doncaster. I love it there, truly, but now that Carter is older and it’s only Doris left at home, I didn't see much of a point staying. It reminds me too much of mum at points, to the point where it hurts. I just felt we needed a fresh start. But nothing is set in stone”

 

“Carter seemed highly against it” Zayn stated “However she said if she had to move, she wanted to spend the summer here in London getting to know Harry. Lou… you should have seen her. She completely freaked when she thought Harry was going to leave without her. She wanted to be with him, and she didn’t want you to take her from him”

 

Louis felt his heart shattering right then and there.

 

He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, tired and worn out.

 

“I didn’t know what to expect when I got here, but a part of me knew all along that she would of already met Harry. And I already knew I wasn’t going to take her away from him. I may have been protective over her, and I may have not wanted her to meet Harry for a long time, but once she did I’d never _not_ let her experience that. Harry is her other father, as much as I’d wish to deny it, and I know she loves him to death. And judging from the fact you guys let her go with him, he’s fond of her too. So no, I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon”

 

The boys all brightened at his words and he could see them all visibly relaxing. It was as if a huge veil of tension just vanished from the room, and everyone was able to all feel at peace again.

 

Conversation flowed easily after that, all the boys explaining what they’d been up to since 2015. Liam had released two albums and now owned a successful record label, one that Zayn held shares in. Zayn also released two albums and several singles during that time, the first one to do both during the break. Louis had heard of Zayn’s album _Mind of Mine_ , and actually had heard his singles quite frequently in shopping centres. Niall on the other hand only released one album in late 2017 and since then had focused on work and his family. He helped run Modest Golf and played frequently at different worldwide tournaments. He also managed two Indie-folk bands from Ireland, who had actually made the top charts at one point or another. To say Louis was proud of his best mates, was an understatement.

 

Louis explained how he still did a bit of writing (and how he only released one song with the DJ Steve Aoki — to which all the boys said they heard and enjoyed) but mostly just produced different songs for all sorts of bands. However he mostly just owned several businesses around England, including several music stores called Aimé ( _Niall had freaked at this going “I’ve been to your music store several times you bloody wanker! If only I’d known it was yours!” — whereas Zayn had rolled his eyes and gone “Of course you named a store after your daughter you bloody sap”)_. He also owned several small businesses around Doncaster, along with the Rovers. The boys all seemed interested in what he had to say, and impressed with his new found entrepreneurship.

 

Zayn had made a fresh batch of tea, and by the time they were dwindling down to bottom of their mugs, the boys had almost finished telling Louis about the bands days post their hiatus.

 

“It was so weird, going back to this without you there” Niall explained “When we created our last album, the one we wanted to be our goodbye, we thought you’d be in there with us. Telling stupid arse jokes and writing killer tunes. But you weren’t, and we had to found ourselves without you. We were excited when we found out we got nominated for two grammy’s, for the first time ever, but it hurt us that you weren’t there with us”

 

“When we accepted our award, it felt so different” Zayn spoke “To know that you weren’t with us, and you didn’t help us write that album was so awkward and strange. We missed you so much Lou, we really did”

 

Louis couldn’t help but keep his gaze averted to the ground and he fiddled with his top. He tried to play it off that he was just emotional, and that he missed them too, but Liam noticed Louis’ facial expression.

 

“Louis” He said firmly “Do you have something to tell us?”

 

He made Louis feel like he was in year six and was caught talking to one of the other kids during class.

 

The other boys were looking at him curiously, so he decided to face the music and sighed.

 

“The part about me not helping with your album, that isn’t entirely true”

 

Niall furrowed his eyebrows, confused “What do you mean, Lou?”

 

Louis bit his lip “I wrote song after song for a while ever since I left the band. Except I didn’t want anyone to know that it was me, so I wrote under a pseudonym — a fake name”

 

The boys hadn’t caught onto what name it was, judging by the way they exchanged glances, so Louis had no choice but to tell them.

 

“Does the name Austin Carter ring a bell?”

 

It was like a light went off in the three men’s brains as they all collectively inhaled sharply. Louis wasn’t surprised that they recognised the name, considering he’d written a fair few songs over the past several years. One of them, being on the last One Direction album.

 

“Lou…” Niall whispered “You’re Austin Carter?”

 

When Louis nodded in reply, Zayn could help but chuckle in shock.

  
“I can’t believe it… that song you wrote was fucking brilliant. It was the only song we didn’t write for our album. Fuck Lou… that song won us that grammy”

 

Louis blushed slightly “I wrote a bunch of songs and just sent them out to people, somehow it got to you guys. I didn’t — I didn’t expect it to be that good. I kind of wrote it when I needed to cope with everything. I specifically wrote that song a month before Carter was born”

 

The boys still all seemed shocked as they sat frozen on the sofa.

 

“You wrote a song on Perrie’s album” He whispered “ _Nobody Like You_? She cried when she first heard it”

 

“You also wrote on Ed’s _Divide_ album” Liam added “He won a grammy for that. You helped write _Heart’s Don’t Break Around Here_ , didn’t you? I remember him saying that it was his favourite”

 

“Ed was one of the only other people who knew of Carter” He revealed, to the surprise of the other men “He accidentally saw me out and about in Doncaster with Carter when she was only a few months old. It was when he was travelling in 2016 for his break. After he realised, he came over for tea and I explained everything to him. Despite the fact that Harry was his friend, he promised not to tell saying ‘it wasn’t any of his business’. Needless to say, I showed him some of my lyrics and he found some scribbles from a song I was trying to write. I only had _she is the sweetest thing that I know_ and _took my heart upon a one way trip, guess she went wandering off with it_ and despite the fact I originally wrote it about Carter, we twisted it into a love song for him. He made me take a polaroid of him with Carter, don’t know if he still has it”

 

“I can’t believe he never told Harry anything. They still hang out to this day. Harry's babysat his kids multiple times” Zayn said.

 

“I think he understood why I did so, and he knew how cruel it would be to betray my trust. Ed’s a good guy like that”

 

The other men all hummed their agreement.

 

Before any of them could say anything more however, the front door opened and immediately the sound of small feet pattered on the foyer’s floorboards.

 

“Daddy!” A small voice cried, and Louis looked up to see a small boy run into the room. He looked to be about five, and was one of the cutest kids that Louis had ever seen. He had dark hair and eyes, but big chubby cheeks and a huge grin. Just looking at him, Louis could see that he was a beautiful combination of both Zayn and Perrie.

 

“There’s my buddy boy!” Zayn exclaimed, standing up so he could pick up the boy and twirl him around. Other footsteps, those particularly of heels, echoed in the foyer as the front door shut close.

 

“Good evening boys” Perrie’s voice greeted as she walked into the archway. Her face was lit up in a huge grin, which soon became frozen as her eyes laid upon Louis. He sat uncomfortably on the couch, as he smiled softly over at the blonde haired girl. He’d always gotten along well with Perrie, to the point that they’d become really good friends during the time they knew each other. He knew she felt slightly betrayed too when he disappeared off the face of the Earth, but considering she was Zayn’s fiancé there wasn’t much he could tell her.

 

“How are ya, love?” He chirped, causing Perrie to squint her eyes as she glared at him. Louis slowly stood up and took a tentative step towards his friend’s wife. She continued to stare at him darkly for a few more moments before rushing forward into Louis’ unsuspecting arms. Louis was quick to hug her back, a small smile forming on his lips. No matter how long it had been, Perrie’s hugs were still as comforting as they had been seventeen years ago. She always spread this warmth and cordiality that was unique to her, and it was what Louis believed made everyone love her. It was what attracted Zayn to her in the first place. 

 

“I’m so mad at you” She growled in his ear as she held him close “But I missed you, you wanker”

 

Louis chuckled “I missed you too Pez”

 

The two of them pulled apart and Zayn walked over holding his son in his arms.

 

“And who is this little guy?” Louis asked.

 

Zayn grinned “Louis, this is my son Levi, Levi this is your uncle Louis. Can you say hi?”

 

The little boy looked up and met Louis’ gaze with his own.

 

“Hi Uncle Lou-ee” The toddler babbled before becoming fixated on the buttons on Zayn’s shirt. Louis felt his heart glow with admiration as he watched the little boy fondly.

 

“Well I got to get this little lad some dinner. Are you all wanting to stay for dinner?” Perrie enquired as she took Levi from her husband’s arms.

 

All three of them shook their heads. 

 

“Sorry Pez, it’s my turn to cook dinner for Vi and the kids and if I don’t leave soon, I’m going to have an angry family on my hands” Niall said with a laugh.

 

“Teddy’s getting back from his mum’s tonight so I think Sophia is cooking a roast” Liam chimed in “She’d kill me if I missed it”

 

Everyone turned to Louis expectantly.

 

“I have to go pick up my daughter” He spoke with a shrug.

 

Perrie’s eyes widened.

 

“You have a daughter? Since when Louis Tomlinson?!” She exclaimed with excitement. All the boys exchanged a glance.

 

“It’s a long story” Louis stated uneasily.

 

“I’ll explain it to you later on” Zayn said to Perrie who nodded in return.

 

“Well I’ll leave you lads to it. Now, you better not skip town on me again Louis Tomlinson. We have a lot of catching up to do” Perrie said sternly, eyeing Louis.

 

Louis grinned “Don’t worry Perrie, I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon”

 

Perrie replied with a ‘good’ before leaving the room with Levi. Louis also said his goodbyes, giving his friends each a warm hug and exchanging numbers, promising to talk to them tomorrow and tell them how everything went. He could tell they were all worried about what would happen between himself and Harry, and he was lying if he said he wasn’t too. Though if there was one thing he knew, is that he would do whatever was best for Carter. And as of that moment, what was best for Carter was getting to know her other father, no matter how much it killed Louis.

 

He left after that, jumping into his car and programming the GPS with the address Zayn had given him. He then pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road following the directions of the automated voice. His heart beat fast in his chest and he tried taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He kept repeating the same mantra in his head, trying to keep his anxiety down until he got to Harry’s.

 

You’re doing this for Carter.

 

_For Carter_.

 

 

**& C  &**

 

Her father’s house had similar qualities to Zayn’s. It was large, it had a fancy security system and a long driveway. However, it was also quite different in the fact that it was very vintage compared to Zayn’s modern, industrious home. The outside walls of the home were made up of a faded limestone which gave the house an antique, anachronistic feeling. The roof was patterned in light brown tiles and Carter was excited to notice the chimney that shot up on the left side of the roof. The front garden was beautiful and well kept; hedges surrounded the house and the outside fence along with many small rose bushes. Trees littered the grass areas. The house was very different from her home back in Doncaster, but for some reason she still loved it. From what her pop had described about Harry, this house was definitely right up his alley.

 

Carter watched her father punch in the code for the gates which opened automatically. He drove the range rover up the long driveway, around the side of the house where a small carport sat made from varnished oak wood. There was another car parked there, but Carter didn’t know what type of car it was. She just noticed how sleek and black it was, compared to her pop’s fading green Nissan. Her father turned off the car, and before Carter could even blink — Adelaide was jumping out of the car and storming into the house. She heard her father huff before he turned to look at her.

 

“Don’t worry about Adelaide, she’s just been having a bit of an attitude problem lately” He said, a frown on his face. Carter nodded but she couldn’t help but feel a bit agitated. She knew that Adelaide had been through a lot, Carter had no idea what it was like to lose a parent but she imagined it was absolutely heart wrenching. Yet, despite being strangers, her and Adelaide were family. They were sisters, even if they only shared one biological parent. Her aunties, Dee and Ernie were all half siblings of her pop, but he didn’t love them any less. It hurt to know that Adelaide wasn’t even giving her a chance. Why did she hate her so much?

 

Carter got out of the car, following her father into the house. The paned glass door led them into a laundry, with a huge washer and dryer and sleek marble bench. Carter noticed a litter box and food and water bowl sitting close to the door, which obviously belonged there for a cat.

 

“You have a cat?” She asked her father as he led her into a hallway. The hallway had cream coloured walls which were covered in various photos in frames. Most of them seemed to be of a young girl, which Carter presumed to be Adelaide. A few she could see were of her father with various other people, however she didn’t have time to linger on them as she her dad was walking quickly through the halls. 

 

He nodded “Yeah, his name is Rover… Adelaide named him. We got him when she was seven. I forget we have him half the time because he practically lives in Addy’s room. She loves him, he was a great comfort to her through a very difficult time in her life”

 

Carter followed her dad through an opening in the hall, which led into a large dining area with an adjoining kitchen. The room was nicely decorated, but Carter couldn’t help but feel slightly out of place. Everything in the room looked so… expensive. She could swear the dining table was worth thousands, unlike the one back in Doncaster that her pop got from the local thrift shop. 

 

“I’m going to start on dinner. You can stay here or you can explore around the house if you like” Her father said as he walked into the kitchen and started rummaging around in the fridge for ingredients. Carter walked over to the kitchen counter, where several stools were placed, and tentatively sat on one, putting her bag on the other. She decided to remain for several reasons: a) she wanted to get to know her father, b) she was afraid she’d get lost in the house and finally c) she was scared Adelaide would corner her at one point and start verbally abusing her. Despite her sister being two years younger than her, she was utterly frightened of her.

 

“Do you want me to help?” Carter asked as her father started peeling some potatoes. He looked up to her, a small gleam present in his green eyes.

 

“That would be wonderful” He replied. Carter got up from her seat and walked over to the sink, washing her hands thoroughly before returning to her father. He passed her a potato in one hand and a peeler in the other, and she immediately got to work. She peeled the potatoes silently, glancing over at her father every now and then - which he did the same. It should have been uncomfortable and awkward, but Carter had always enjoyed silence to some degree. Whenever her family was over, or her pop was home, it was loud. Her pop was a loud guy, who loved to talk and laugh, and she adored that about him. However, she was also used to being home in the quiet, whether it was by herself or when she was doing home schooling with her tutor. She never understood why she enjoyed it so much, considering what her pop was like. Though it seemed that her father enjoyed it too, and it made another puzzle piece fit together inside her mind.

 

“Where did you get this peeler?” She asked after a few minutes of silence. She watched as her dad turned to look at her in confusion.

 

“Sorry… I just cook dinner a lot at home and our peeler is bloody awful. Takes forever to peel potatoes and carrots. This one works like a charm”

 

Her father’s lips quirked up “Do you like to cook?”

 

Carter nodded “Yeah, I was taught from a young age by my aunt Lottie. My pop isn’t the worst cook, he makes a mean spaghetti bolognese and a honey chicken. However, he can only make a few select dishes… doesn’t have much variety. So Lottie taught me how to cook, cause my nana Jay had taught her. Aunt Lottie always told me that one of nana Jay’s biggest regrets was not teaching Pop to cook properly, especially since only two months after I was born she was diagnosed with leukaemia. She never had much of a chance to teach him”

 

“I heard about Jay” Her father murmured sadly “Your grandmother… she was a truly wonderful woman”

 

“From all the stories I heard, it sounded like she was” Carter spoke, smiling softly “I don’t remember her, but I like to honour her with some of her favourite meals that I was taught by Lottie. It makes Pop so happy and it keeps her memory alive, even if I have no memories of her. Plus I like cooking, it’s something I can do alone and to get my mind off things, you know? When my pop cooks he either talks to himself or has the radio blaring but as for me, I just like the peacefulness of it. I tried explaining why I like it to Pop once but he didn’t understand”

 

“I do” Her dad replied with a grin “Some people used to think your pop and I were a weird pairing, because when we first met on _X-Factor_ ,I was so quiet and introverted, whereas he was the exact opposite. I mean slowly over the course of One Direction, I slowly developed so that I was more outgoing and adventurous and your pop was able to have times when he was quiet and serious. Though for the most part, I love being by myself. I like to have time to my thoughts you know? Have a clear mind. Especially when life gets so hectic”

 

Carter beamed “I guess I know where I get it from then?”

 

“That you do”

 

They began to cook in silence again, finishing the potatoes and moving onto the other vegetables. Carter began to peel the carrots and peppers whilst her dad chopped the potatoes up and put them into a boiling pot of water. The kitchen was so spacious, almost twice as big as her kitchen back at home. Her father could move around her with ease, without the worry of knocking something off the bench or spilling what he was holding onto the floor. The kitchen had two ovens, two fridges and two sets of stoves — and don’t get her started on the bench space. It was luxurious and something Carter never expected she would live in. 

 

She had only begun to dice the carrot up into tiny pieces, when her father spoke again. 

 

“You said that your peeler at home was pretty useless… why don’t you or your pop just buy a new one?”

 

Carter looked over at her father and shrugged, continuing to cut up the carrots.

 

“I guess it’s because we don’t need one”

 

Her dad frowned “But… you do, don’t you? It’s not working properly”

 

She shook her head “I mean, the peeler isn’t doing the best job and isn’t at it’s finesse I guess you could say. However, it still does it’s job… meaning I don’t need it. Pop always taught me there is a different between wanting something and needing something”

 

Her dad leant against the counter, his full attention now on Carter “What do you mean?”

 

She sighed and put the knife down, so she could turn and face her father.

 

“My pop always told me growing up that he would get me what I needed, rather then I wanted. Like school books? I needed them. When I grew out of my clothes? I needed new ones. If there was something I didn’t need, he wouldn’t get it for me. Of course that didn’t happen all the time, he would spoil me every now and then because he could. He just would always say to me that he didn’t want me going through life expecting things, and rather he wanted me to earn them.

 

“I had minimal toys growing up. Not that it mattered because I liked the toys I had. If I really wanted a new toy, I would have to earn it. Meaning if I did my chores all week without having to be asked or did my homework without complaining, then he would surprise me with a toy or DVD or video game I had wanted. It wasn’t all the time, but it was small things like that which motivated me to always try my hardest and in the end, I just did them without even expecting a reward. He would always get me novels that I wanted to read as well. It wasn’t like I needed those books, but he always wanted me to read as a kid and if there was a book I wanted, he would happily get it for me. He told me that he rarely read when he was growing up and didn’t want the same thing to happen to me”

 

She looked over at her dad to try and gauge his reaction, but his face was emotionless. He just stood there, looking at Carter, so she decided to continue. A smile fell on her face as a memory popped into her head.

 

“He got me a nice pair of backyard footy goals one summer, when I was ten. I didn’t need them, I was happy using the fence as practice. Though one day he came home from work with two huge boxes. I remember him heaving them in, with his suit sleeves rolled up. I remember laughing at my aunt Daisy, she had been watching me for the day and when she saw my pop walk in, she looked at him as if he'd gone mental. He made me sit there and read the instructions to him, whilst he fumbled over putting the goals together. He cursed so many times and made me laugh every time when he apologised frantically. We put the goals up in the backyard and spent the whole evening versing each other. I won almost every round, but I think he let me because there was no way he missed some of those weak goals I kicked. Though to this day he swears I was just _that_ good. We ended the night by eating fish and chips and watching Big Brother until I fell asleep on his lap.

 

“When I remember that, I don’t think about the fact that he got me the goals. I think about how much fun I had playing with him, you know? I think of the footy match and the battered fish and Pop commenting on how bloody annoying some of the contestants were. I realise now that this is is what my pop was trying to teach me growing up — that it’s about the memories, rather than the materialistic things”

 

A hint of a smile graced her father’s lips.

 

“Louis was always talking about creating memories” Her dad said “Despite us getting money, he was never about owning really expensive things. He had his moments, as all of us did. He would buy an overpriced jacket or a nice pair of kicks every now and then. But when it came to splashing out, I’d have to say I was the worst. Your pop would always criticise my outfits — not because they ‘looked ridiculous’ as he would say, but because they were so pricey. He didn’t understand why I needed them all the time, he would scold me a fair amount. I don’t think he understood my desire for wanting to look good all the time. I don’t think he understood why I cared too much about my appearance”

 

“I don’t either” Carter replied with a grin “Sorry, I just don’t care about what I wear, I guess that’s something I don’t get from you”

 

“Your sister does” He said whilst rolling his eyes fondly “I guess it must be nurture over nature, huh?”

 

Carter just shrugged.

 

“Anyways, your father was all about living in the moment. I guess it’s why a lot of us enjoyed hanging out with him. He was the most fun to watch movies in, or go to lunch with or even clubbing, because he was always there in the moment. Even before you were born, people were absorbed by technology and their images on social media. Even our own management were obsessed with how we were perceived. Louis was never like that, he was never on his phone while out with friends because he cared about being attentive. He said that’s how you created the best memories. It’s what most people loved about him… including me” Harry concluded his rambling with a small sigh.

 

Carter took her father’s words in, imagining what it would of been like to be friends with her pop if she weren’t his daughter. Her dad’s words didn’t surprise her, considering her pop was definitely one of the most perceptive people she knew. He always cared to ask about her day and always listened to whatever she had to say. Unless he was working from home, he was rarely on his phone when he was around her and had executed the ‘no technology with dinner’ rule since she was five. Her pop was about creating moments that you could look back on fondly, and making every second count. She felt that he had raised her to be the same way.

 

She went over to her bag and grabbed her purse out, much to the curiosity to her father. She got out the polaroid that sat in there and brought it back over into the kitchen, passing the small picture to him. She watched as he gazed his eyes upon it, a small smile lifting his lips as he took in what was happening.

 

“Pop only ever wanted one thing for his birthday” Carter began “Every year, since I was six, Pop would take me to the local Toys R Us, and the two of us would fill two shopping carts full of different presents for all ages. He told me to fill each trolley to the brim and I could only get one present for myself. As a kid I would always be so annoyed by this, I would ask Pop ‘why can I only get one present? Why can’t I have all of these’ but he would just tell me to be grateful. We’d take the presents home, where he would wrap them with one or a couple of my aunties. For a couple of years, the first few years, I’d mope every time because all these cool presents weren’t going to be for me and that made me angry”

 

She chuckled softly “However, every time those feelings would leave as soon as we arrived at the hospital on Christmas Eve. We’d go to the children’s ward and go to hospital room to hospital room handing out presents to kids all around. I remember handing the presents to the children and watching as their faces brightened… their smiles were so wide that they just radiated happiness. I remember one particular girl, who I met when I was eight, who was suffering from Leukaemia. We talked for a while and we got along so well that I was sad to leave her, but I promised I’d come back to see her. When Pop took me back in the new year, we found out from one of the regular nurses that she had passed away on Boxing Day, but she had enjoyed one last Christmas thanks to Pop and I. I feel like I understand why Pop enjoyed living in the moment because of things such as that. I was able to make a dying girl happy in her last moments and that’s better then getting any gift under a tree”

 

Her father remained silent, just staring at the picture with a look of contemplation. The picture just showed herself and her pop at the children’s ward at Doncaster Royal Infirmary, smiling next to a large group of kids. The kids were all smiling too, even though some were in wheelchairs and others had oxygen masks on and IV’s in their arms. Carter was holding hands with a little girl called Reece, who had a chronic heart condition that she required a transplant for. The girl was sitting in a wheelchair, attached to IV’s but smiling bright. Only moments before she had gotten a Barbie collection from Carter, one that she had been wanting for ages. One of them sat on her lap in the photo, which was apparently her favourite. In April, Carter had been sent an email by Reece’s mother, showing the girl after her heart transplant, grinning sleepily at the camera with the Barbie in her hand. It was pictures like that that made Carter’s heart soar. 

 

Carter left the photo in her father’s hands and continued to prepare the food for dinner. Eventually, her father put the polaroid down on the far end of the bench and continued to prepare the meal, putting the mince into the slow cooker. Eventually he gathered up the rest of the vegetables that Carter had chopped up and but them into their too, before adding the cooked potatoes and some sauce. Carter watched with interest, as he had never used a slow cooker before. She had cooked casserole before with Carol but never had learnt to do it on her own. The way her dad seemed to move around the kitchen so swiftly, he looked right at home there, cooking dinner. It was a way Carter always felt when she was cooking and it made her feel a bit more at peace as she stood awkwardly in the kitchen.

 

After telling her dad a bit about her past and showing him the pictures, she wasn’t sure what he was feeling.. He had a blank expression on his face, a mask hiding any detection of what he was thinking. Her pop had always been right when he said that her father was sometimes a mystery. 

 

Whilst the slow cooker worked it’s magic, her father led her away from the kitchen for a mini tour of the house. She didn’t know what to expect to see, walking through the wealthy house. She tried to think of all those TV shows she watched where they showed some of the most expensive houses on the planet. What would her dad have in his? An indoor swimming pool? His own bowling alley? A recording studio?

 

However she learnt that he didn’t have any of those, and despite his house being of a large magnitude, the inside was just like every other home. There was a small swimming pool outside, beside a beautiful alfresco which Carter felt described her dad to a T. There was no bowling alley, and when Carter joked about it, all her father could do was laugh and say that he would be likely to injure himself if he had one, since he was unbelievably clumsy. Carter placed a tick in her mental checklist of the similarities she had to her dad.

 

As for the recording studio, the only thing similar was a small music room that her father had upstairs. The room’s space was mostly occupied by a large black grande piano, however it also had a fair few guitars and a large bookshelf containing many CD’s and vinyls. In the corner by the door, a comfy looking armchair sat with a vinyl player resting beside it. Her dad commented that it was his favourite room in the house, and she couldn’t help but agree.

 

There were two spare rooms upstairs, along with Harry’s master suite and Adelaide’s room. Carter was given a choice between either of the guest rooms, so she decided to pick the one that overlooked the backyard. She placed her small bag on the double bed in the room and looked around, the room seeming so bare and impersonal. The decor was beautiful, with the soft blue silk comforter and the flowers by the bed and on the dresser, however it didn’t mean it was hers.

 

“This is your room now, forever how long you’re here” Her dad said, walking so he was in the centre of the room “Feel free to change it to however you like”

 

She smiled softly “Thanks”

 

She sat down on the bed whilst her dad went and looked out the window. Despite the fact that the two of them had a lot of similarities and it was obvious they were related, it didn’t made their relationship ever the less tense.They had just met for the first time, and they didn’t know how to interact with each other. Carter may know all the stories about her dad from her pop, may know what he was like when he was younger, but that didn’t mean she knew about him now. Her dad had similarities to the man mentioned in all the stories she was told as a kid, but they were different in many ways. He was a father to another child, and he lived a different life to the one he used to live.

 

Carter knew he had the same thought process when it came to her. He never knew he had another daughter until he came face to face with her today. He’d only ever known one daughter, the girl who was in the other room sulking. Adelaide was completely different to Carter, and her dad had known Adelaide since she was born. He knew everything there was to know about his daughter, but when it came to Carter, he knew the bare minimum. She was the daughter he had with his ex boyfriend, the daughter raised by his ex boyfriend. The ex boyfriend he hadn’t seen in seventeen years. Carter didn’t know what her dad was thinking, but it was obvious that there were too many thoughts for him to process.

 

“Why do you go by Carter? Why not Amy?” Her dad asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

 

Well, there was apparently one thought that stood out.

 

Carter turned to look at her dad “Pop told me that he had two names picked out before I was born, Carter for a boy and Amy for a girl. He said he liked the name Carter whereas the name Amy just had a special place in his heart. So when I was born, he went with the first name Amy as planned, but decided on a whim to make my middle name Carter. In the end he felt it suited me better and called me it instead of Amy. To this day, I feel he made the right choice. I can’t imagine being called Amy everyday”

 

Her dad didn’t say anything in response, just nodded with a smile on his lips. She could see that her father was making an effort, trying to get to know her. However, he was also putting a lot of effort into closing himself off, making sure that Carter couldn’t tell how he was really feeling. Carter was observant - which was one of the gazillion traits she got from her pop - and she could see the cracks in the mask her father was holding. She couldn’t at first, but the more stories she told and the more he got to know her, the more she could see he was breaking on the inside.

 

She knew how her pop felt about the whole situation with her dad. He was always sad and upset, even when he obliged and told stories to her every night. He always refused to bring up the conversation of meeting him and he always became very reserved, very closed off when she tried to push any further. Her conclusion: her dad hurt her pop so badly, that he never wanted their daughter to have anything to do with him. Of course, it has never been confirmed, since her family members will never talk about it. But like mentioned earlier, she is observant and after many years of seeing the same reactions again and again, it didn’t take her long to figure it out.

 

That was something she had known for years, and when she considered meeting her father, she never considered his side of the story. As much as she wanted to meet him, the desire in her something she wished she didn’t have, in her head he was always the guy that hurt her pop. She had always planned to be reunited with her dad, to meet him and hope that he accept her, and then they would talk and she’d finally ask him all the questions her pop wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.

 

Though looking at her dad now, she realised that he had his own story. As he stood looking out the window, a stoic expression forced on his face, she realised that he was feeling a whole lot more then he was leading. She knew she didn’t know her dad well, and certainly not as well as her pop, grandfathers and aunties once knew him. They had always had this negative impression of her dad, which obviously came from something he did in his past. Though now having met her uncles, who she pieced together each had kids of their own, and seeing that they had no problem with her going to her dad’s. Having met Adelaide, who despite Carter labelling an annoying little shit, obviously loved their father a lot. Having seen her father, trying hard to keep up his walls, despite them crumbling right before Carter’s eyes. She could see the sadness in his eyes, the guilt who swarmed through him, the way that this whole situation scared him, intimidated him. She could see it all, and it made her realise that her dad wasn’t the guy that she may have once believed him to be. He may have been once, before she was born and maybe when she was young, but he was different now. 

 

“Dad?” She questioned, causing her father to turn and face her “What happened between you and Pop?”

 

She realised that maybe it was too soon to ask that question when the blood drained from her dad’s face. He turned back to the window, taking a few deep breaths. Carter felt the guilt flow through her as she watched her dad try to compose himself. She went to speak up, to tell him never mind, that he didn’t have to worry about telling her, but he turned back to her before she could.

 

“I should go check on dinner” He said, quickly retreating from the room, leaving Carter alone. She decided not to go after him.

 

After all, it was knowledge to the both of them that dinner didn’t need to be checked on for at least another hour.

 

 

Carter ended up giving her dad time to gather himself. She found a free power outlet and plugged her phone charger in, turning her phone back on for the first time since she turned it off at Zayn’s. Immediately many different notifications popped up on her phone. There were two texts from Dee, one saying ‘how’s it going?’ and the other saying ‘Louis just dropped past, he’s so mad at me! I’m sorry I told him pretty much in the first second, and he freaked on me. Please talk to him when he sees you!’. She also got a text from her aunt Phoebe, who she realised must have been visiting when her pop ran over because she sent her one simple text: ‘Carter, what have you done?’. If her guilt hadn’t already bubbled in the pit in her stomach, it definitely increased when she saw the notifications from her pop.

 

She had four missed calls for him and voicemail that lasted three minutes. She had various texts from him saying ‘Carter, where are you?’ ‘Carter please pick up, let me know you’re okay’ ‘Amy Carter, I’m serious, pick up your phone’.

 

The voicemail made Carter really start to regret not telling her pop.

 

“Carter, love, please pick up your phone. I know you’re at Zayn’s right now and I know you’re trying to meet your dad. Hell you may have already met him by this point… But I need to know that you’re safe okay? I’m not mad… well I’m mad that you didn’t tell me but I’m not mad you wanted to meet him okay? It’s my fault, I should of let you meet him sooner or at least told you more about him, it’s my fault. I’m sorry but C, I just need to know that you are okay. Please call me back and just tell me you are safe. Dory says you are fine, but I can’t believe it unless you tell me. I’m on my way now… so can you please pick up your phone baby girl? Please”

 

By the time the voicemail ended, tears were welling up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She wiped her eyes and reassured herself that it would all be fine. She knew from the voicemail that her pop was on the way and as soon as he got to Zayn’s, he’d be fine. Zayn, Niall and Liam would explain everything and he’d understand. However as much as she repeated that in her mind, it didn’t stop the pressure that refused to leave her chest.

 

She ended up spending an hour in the room, the room that she was meant to call her’s. She ended up messaging with Dee a bit, the other girl still feeling guilty but telling Carter how happy she was for her that she met her dad. Dee was the only one of her pop’s siblings that was supportive of the idea. Her pop’s other sisters all hated her dad, having witnessed everything that happened between Carter’s parents before their very eyes. Dee’s twin Ernie on the other hand just took their word for it, especially her pop’s considering he was Ernie’s only brother. Dee however, was closer with Carter then most of her siblings, and had no memory of ever meeting Harry. Of course she knew all the thoughts that her father, sisters and brothers held, but she also knew what Carter thought. She knew that despite everything, Carter wanted to meet her dad more then anything in the world.

 

After her text exchange with her friend, she spent the rest of the time scrolling through social media. She had only three accounts; a Snapchat, an Instagram and a Facebook, all of these being highly private. Her pop had her on all of them as well, not allowing her much secrecy on her social media. Though it didn't matter anyways as the only people she snapped was her family, some friends of her family and a few various others. She only followed her family, a few of her favourite artists along with footy players on Instagram and only had her family on Facebook. She had never dared to look up or even follow any of her pop's bandmates and friends on any social media, especially her dad. Though now that she had met them, and there was no way her pop could keep her away again, she decided to go on a follow spree. She looked up their Instagram's and immediately followed them, same with snapchat. She tried to friend them on Facebook, but like her own personal profile, their's were very private and not available to search. She would just have to ask them for them later. 

 

By the time she finished scrolling through Instagram, liking various posts, she decided that maybe it was time to go try and find her dad. She rummaged through her bag and pulled out the small novel she had brought with her. She grabbed that and her phone and headed out of the room to go and see where Harry might be. She walked down the hall to the staircase, avoiding Adelaide's room as if it carried the plague and walked down the staircase to the first floor. She walked through the living room and kitchen, noting that her dad happened to not be there and figured he was doing work in the study. On the mini tour he had given, he had pointed out the study from where it was situated at the bottom of the staircase. At that point the door was open, but when she approached it again, she saw that the door was closed.

 

She went up to the door and knocked, hearing the 'come in' before she pushed it open. Her dad was sitting at his desk, reading some files with his computer on in front of him. He looked up and sent her a small smile, although it looked slightly weary. She held the book in front of her, sending him a smile of her own as if to say 'we don't have to talk'. He seemed to understand and invited her in, letting her sit in one of the armchairs in front of his desk. She knew not to push her luck when it came to the big question of 'what happened between my parents?'. Her aunties and grandfathers avoided the subject, her pop got sad every time it was mentioned, and her dad looked like he'd seen a ghost the moment she had asked. She was starting to think that this might be a question that was never answered.

 

She spent the next few hours reading in her father's study. It was eerily similar to Zayn's study, which she still couldn't believe she had only just been in. It felt like weeks ago, time having flown by so fast but so slow at the same time. Her dad's study had bookshelves with numerous books, she noticed that the One Direction autobiographies were there too. However, there were different books too. He had more (auto)biographies than Zayn, she noticed books by various artists from her lifetime and earlier, all books that detailed their lives. There were also more literature books than Zayn, classics such as _Jane Eyre_ , _A Clockwork Orange_ , _and Pride and Prejudice_. There were Young Adult books from before she was born and some that were popular to this day. She realised that Adelaide must like to read, but not only her, their dad as well. She decided not to ask him just yet, as he was busy with work. Instead she got absorbed in her book, letting the imaginary world take her away from her hectic, real one for a bit.

 

She fully broke out of her reading resolve when she received a text from her pop at quarter past five. The text read:

 

 

> **Pop:** Leaving Zayn's now. See you soon.  
> 

 

Her breath immediately hitched and she looked up from her phone with wide eyes, to see that her dad was already staring right back at her.

 

"Pop's on his way" She said, fear laced in her voice.

 

She could see that her dad was immediately starting to mentally freak out, but he did a good job of trying to remain calm on the outside.

 

"Okay, well go prepare your bag in case you have to leave with him. I'll answer the door when he gets here"

 

 _ Like that would go well _  Carter thought, but nodded in response to her dad and quickly bolted for upstairs. It didn't take her long to pack her bag and bring it downstairs with her. Considering that the drive was 15 minutes, it gave her enough time to be ready by the door and compose herself for what she might experience from her pop. She was absolutely nervous with how he would be with her, considering she scared him shitless and defied him in the worst way possible. She was also scared with how the confrontation would go with her dad, considering this would be a reunion that neither one saw coming.

 

She waited a few feet away from the door whereas her father waited right next to it, breathing in and out slowly. She felt nervous at that point, but she couldn't imagine what her dad was feeling. However, she decided not to say anything to him and instead stayed quiet as time slowly and agonisingly ticked on.

 

Soon five minutes, turned to ten and ten minutes, turned to fifteen. As fifteen minutes passed, Carter and Harry stood in absolute frozen silence as they waited for whatever was about to happen. It was at 5:32 when the buzzer beeped, her pop not needing to say anything as they already knew it was him. They listened as they heard the car come up the driveway, and the sound of a car door shutting and feet approaching. She heard her dad suck in a deep breath as soon as a loud knock sounded on the front door. Carter watched with dread as slowly, her father opened the large front door, revealing her pop on the other side. She couldn't express what emotions went over her dad's face as soon as he saw her pop. It was as if a mixture of every emotion a person could feel was written in his features. She watched as his eyes became glassy as he hastily began to tear up.

 

Her pop however, didn't spare him a glance and instead straight away focused his eyes on Carter, a franticness his eyes that she had never seen in him before. His shoulders sagged in relief as soon as their eyes met.

 

"Baby girl" He murmured, immediately moving forward to her. The guilt that had been sitting at the bottom of her stomach for the past few hours, lit up like a fire as soon as her father's arms encircled around her, him holding her to his chest as if he never wanted to let go. She could feel him shaking beneath her and her heart clenched with pain when she realised the emotional toll she had put her pop through.

 

"I'm so sorry Papa" She whispered, using the name for him that she had rarely used since she was a child. She was eleven when she started to call him 'Pop', changing his name from the usual 'Papa' to a derivative. At first, he hadn't liked it but then realised that the name didn't matter. Whether he was her 'Pop' or 'Papa', it didn't matter, he was still her father and she still loved him. However she couldn't help but let the name slip, to show her father how truly sorry she was.

 

"It's okay, I'm not mad love. I'm so glad you're okay" He whispered stroking her hair. They stayed like that for a while, her pop calming down as he held her, before slowly they broke away and he held her at arm's length.

 

"Don't ever do that again, you hear me Amy Carter?" He exclaimed staring her down.

 

"I promise I won't" She said, sending her father a wobbly smile. After seeing the mess she'd made, and what everyone went through, she would never do something like this again. However at the same time, she didn't regret what had happened to day in the slightest bit. She watched as her pop sent her a weary smile back before sighing and tensing up. He had put his walls up, the moment was over and her pop had realised where he was. He had realised who was standing just a few feet away from him.

 

"Are we going home?" Carter couldn't help but ask, hearing the dread as it came through in her voice.

 

Her pop shook his head "No... well not 'we'. I need to drive back there tonight and grab our things, considering I didn't pack a single thing on me when I came rushing here to find you"

 

Carter stared sheepishly at her pop for a few moments, until his words truly sunk in.

 

"So by grabbing our things, you mean..?"  


 

"We're staying in London until start of the school year. All summer"

Carter squealed and threw her arms around her pop's neck, hugging him as if her life depended on it.

 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" 

 

"Don't thank me yet" Her pop replied with a fond roll of his eyes "If you behave like you did today, we're going straight back to Doncaster, effective immediately"

 

Carter could tell that the conversation they were having was her pop's way of deflecting the situation. He currently had his back turned to her dad, who was standing frozen by the door, tears threatening to spill onto his cheeks at any moment. Carter wanted to say something to her pop, to bring his attention to her dad, but he continued talking.

 

"What else do you need from home? I'm not going to be making another trip to Doncaster so unless Dee or Dan decide to come visit, you need to make sure you tell me what things you need. Do you need any sanitary supplies?"

 

Carter blushed "I'll text you a list Pop, otherwise you'll just forget. And no, I don't need any  _sanitary supplies_ "

 

"Good"

 

An uncomfortable silence lingered over the room as her pop ran out of things to say. The tension was so thick, it could be sliced with a knife and Carter felt like she was trapped in the middle. She wanted her pop to say something to her dad and her dad to say something to her pop but neither of them seem to want to speak a word. She also didn't want any of them to be hurt, but she knew that the situation was too far gone for that. She watched as her pop clenched his eyes shut and started to speak with his back still turned.

 

"I'm assuming it is all right that Carter stays the night?" He said in a clipped tone.

 

She watched as her dad slowly realised that her pop had been talking to him and cleared his throat.

 

"Yeah... um yeah that's absolutely fine, Lou -"

 

"All right Carter, I have to head home cause I have a long drive ahead of me. Be good, stay safe and I'll pick you up at ten tomorrow morning okay?"

 

"Okay. Love you Pop"

 

"Love you too baby girl"

 

And without saying another word, her pop retreated from the house in a rush, not looking at Harry even once. She walked over to the doorway and watched as her father left the house, driving off down the street and back to their hometown. She closed the front door and turned to her dad, devastated by the sight she saw.

 

The tears in his eyes were now running freely down his cheeks, his arms were wrapped around himself as if he were trying to hold himself together. She didn't even hesitate as she walked over to him, pulling his arms from his chest and wrapping them around herself. She buried her head in his chest and held him as he began to sob, letting the emotions wreck his body. She felt her own tears in her eyes as she listened to her dad cry and wished more then anything that she could make it stop. She hated that her dad was crying because of her pop and her pop had cried because of her dad. She just wanted her two parents to be happy.

 

 

What she didn't know in that moment is that sometimes, if you really dream hard enough, that wishes really can come true.

 

** END OF PART l **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support so far! The comments and kudos have been a great motivator to finish this chapter! I will be updating Tuesday/Wednesday and Friday/Saturday every week, some weeks I may have to only write once a week due to uni starting back up start of February. However I will do my best to write.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! See you Tues/Wed!
> 
> -J


	4. Chapter 4

**PART ll: RE-EXPERIENCE**

  
****

**& C  &**

 

Waking up the next morning, was as if Carter was coming out of shock.

 

When she was twelve, she broke her wrist playing football. She was playing at the park with a few other kids that lived in her neighbourhood and one of the boys had gotten a little bit too rough with her. He was older and heavier and one of the most nasty people Carter had ever encountered. When going for the ball, the boy shoved her so hard that she fell forward onto the grass. It happened be her wrist that took most of the impact.

 

She had been in shock from the situation that she barely recognised what had happened at the time. She didn’t even realise she was in pain, or that her fall had been much more severe then she thought. Her pop had been there in an instant as soon as it happened, screaming at the boy whilst checking to make sure she was okay. What she hadn’t realised at the time was that the other boy had been laughing at her suffering and that her radial bone had disjointed in her skin. She only remembered bits and pieces way later in the hospital, when the adrenaline had seeped out of her and her flight or fight response had been laid to rest. It was only then that she could recall what happened, and only then that she realised how truly painful the extent of her injuries were.

 

Waking up, staring at the ceiling of the room that she was now meant to call hers, was like when she woke up in the hospital room those few years ago. The day before had been such a blur, a rollercoaster of emotions that she couldn’t get off. So many things had occurred in one day that her mind barely had time to process them, leaving her in a sort of loop. It was as if during that whole day she was on a constant adrenaline rush.

 

Sleep had done her good, it had allowed her to come down from whatever cloud nine she was on and fully process the previous day’s events. She still couldn’t believe it, despite the fact that she could see the day before so clearly engrained in her mind. She still couldn’t believe she had made the trip to London, on a train, all by herself. She still couldn’t believe she had met Zayn, Niall and Liam, the men she had heard about in bed time stories from since she could remember. She still couldn’t believe she had a sister, despite her being rude and obnoxious. And most of all, she couldn’t believe she had met her father.

 

Flashes of her dad filled her mind, from the moment she first saw him in Zayn’s living room, up until when she hugged him before bed the previous night. Goosebumps prodded her skin as she realised that one of her dreams had really came true. She had met her dad, talked with him and best of all, he accepted her.

 

She had grown up her whole life dreaming of meeting her dad, and when she did, she imagined about a thousand different of situations. She would be out grocery shopping and imagine turning the corner and seeing her dad, there buying the same box of Yorkshire tea that her pop liked. She would be at a footy game and imagine spotting her dad in the crowd as he cheered for the Doncaster Rovers just like her. It would be her birthday and she would imagine that her pop surprised her by inviting her dad, she would watch him walk through the door with his arms wide open and she would run into him without hesitation. These were just a few of the many situations she dreamt about.

 

Though when you think of a thousand different situations, you are bound to think of a few that don’t turn out well. There were times when Carter had thoughts about meeting her dad and it not turning out like she wished. She had a recurring nightmare when she was fourteen, about turning eighteen and searching for and finding her father, only for him to tell her that he didn’t want her. She had thought of other scenarios of her father rejecting her, and each brought a wave of anxiety and fear deep into her gut. Growing up, she would tell people that her biggest fear was spiders or oceans, and although they did scare her, only herself and Dee knew what her biggest fear actually was: being rejected by her dad.

 

So the fact that he didn’t reject her, the fact he accepted her as his daughter so quickly was astounding. She only wished that her pop would actually be happy about the situation.

 

After the previous days events, she was highly concerned about what would happen between her parents. She had never really accepted that her parents would get along if they ever met again, considering her pop and her family did everything to keep her away from her dad. She knew her dad had done something wrong and it was obvious it was something that was pretty awful. Though having to hold her sobbing father yesterday, hugging him for god knows how long as he cried over her pop, was something that couldn’t be unseen. She didn’t know her dad well and he had different qualities to the man her pop described, to the man she pictured in the stories and in her dreams. However, in her heart she knew that the man she had met yesterday, the man that openly cried about his pain, couldn’t be the same person her pop tried to keep her from. And the thought of that, made a pool of rage bubble in her stomach.

 

She had never questioned her pop about his decision to keep her away from her dad, as much as she hated it. Though that morning, as she woke up from the shock of the day before, a plan formed in her head. A new goal, a motivation that she couldn’t ignore.

 

She was going to find out what happened between her parents, for once and for all.

 

 

 

It was quarter past nine by the time she came down for breakfast. She brought her bag with her and placed it by the front door, ready for when her pop would arrive. She knew for a fact that he would call when he arrived, and would park on the verge outside the automatic gates. As much as she wanted her parents to talk, after seeing the events she witnessed the day before, she felt it would be for the best.

 

She wandered into the kitchen to see both her dad and Adelaide there. Adelaide sat up at the kitchen bench, chewing on some toast whilst scrolling through her phone. Her earphones were in, clear symbolism that she didn’t want to be included in any conversations. Carter knew that for a fact as she had tried the previous night, but the younger girl had just ate her food in a rushed manner, staring down at the plate with a scowl on her face.

 

So instead she wandered over to the dining table where her dad was. In the middle of the table there were several things placed; a jug of orange juice, a plate of toast and a selection of spreads. Carter’s heart warmed to see that there was an empty plate and glass laid out in front of one of the chairs. Her father sat in the place across, his own food on a plate and glass filled. He was reading the newspaper, concentration on his face and it was eerily similar to how her pop was in the morning.

 

“Morning dad” She greeted shyly, a sudden nervousness inside of her. The day before had been so emotional that neither of them had focused on the fact that they barely knew each other, and rather the fact that they had met for the first time in their lives. Though today was a whole new day, a day for much clearer thinking. And now Carter didn’t know where she stood, more specifically with the relationship with her dad. 

 

She watched as her father looked up her, grinning when their eyes met.

 

“Morning Carter, you hungry? I made some french toast this morning” Her father spoke, gesturing to the plate of food on the dining table. As she looked at it again, her stomach grumbled loudly, making her blush profusely. Her dad laughed silently, a mirth of humour in his eyes.

 

She sat down at the table and helped herself to the french toast, serving herself a helping with strawberry jam. Her dad poured her a glass of orange juice before settling back into his paper, leaving Carter to eat her food. The french toast was amazing, something that she never experienced at her own house. Her dad was fine with cereal and just plain old toast and for the most part, Carter was too. Though she couldn’t deny she enjoyed this change for breakfast, as the sweet taste of the bread swirled in her mouth.

 

When her dad wasn’t looking, she snapped a picture of it, sending it to Dee.

 

 

 

> _ (Attachment 1 Image) Dad made french toast for breakfast, jealous? _

 

 

 

> **Dee** : Hell yes! God wish my dad could cook like that. Though I’m pretty sure he’d burn the house down.

 

Carter stifled a laugh at the thought of her grandpa Dan trying to cook. He was worst then her own dad, which was saying something. Thank god for Carter’s older aunties and Dee’s aunt Sally cause otherwise she was sure they would have starved.

 

Her phone buzzed with another text from Dee.

 

 

 

> **Dee** : How is everything going btw? I know you told me last night about everything but just seeing how you were feeling this morning.

 

 

 

> _ All right I guess, it’s just so different here then to home though. Not just the having the french toast for breakfast but the whole dynamic. Do you know Adelaide isn’t eating with us? Don’t know if that’s because of me or if she’s mad at her dad or just something that happens everyday. _

 

 

 

> **Dee** : I’m guessing it’s because of you and your dad. Sorry to say C but I’m pretty sure she hates your guts.

 

 

 

> _ I’m not going to deny that. _
> 
>  

She looked up from her phone to have another bite from her food to see her dad looking at her.

 

“Sorry, I don’t usually have my phone with me when I eat, but I’m waiting for Pop’s text”

 

Harry shook his head, a small smile on his face “It’s fine, I’m used to it already. You just look really happy with whatever you're doing

 

“I'm texting Dee… Doris” She corrected herself. Most people she knew, knew that Dee was Doris’ nickname considering they were either relatives or close friends of the family. She had to remember to correct herself now when talking about her best friend.

 

“Right, you mentioned her yesterday. She was the one that dropped you off at the train station?”

 

Carter nodded.

 

“Well how is she? I don’t think she would remember me. The last time I saw her she was only about eighteen months. She was just a baby, a cute one at that” Her dad murmured, the last part with a chuckle.

 

Carter immediately pulled up a picture of herself and Dee from a couple of weeks back. They were sitting on the couch in her grandpa Dan’s living room, hugging each other and giggling at the camera. Dee was on the left of the picture, her curly ginger hair hanging loose on her shoulders. Her blue eyes stared right at the camera, shining from her laughter. She was wearing a navy blue jumper and black leggings, unlike Carter who was wearing a Donny Rovers Jersey and denim shorts. Carter wasn’t looking at the camera and instead was laughing on her friends shoulder, her eyes closed. They had been in a crazy mood that day and were laughing at pretty much everything. In one of their laughing fits, her grandpa Dan happened to grab her phone and take the picture. 

 

She showed it to her dad, who couldn’t help but laugh at the sight.

 

“You guys look really close, is it weird that she’s technically your aunty?”

 

Carter shrugged “Not really. I mean we know our relation to each other but we never comment on it. I call Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe my aunts because they are all a lot older than me. Whereas Dee and Ernie are only two years older, so we were raised as more cousins than anything. Anyways, my aunties are more like mums to the twins. They don’t remember Nana Jay so it was more their older sisters who were mums to them, more specifically Daisy and Phoebe. Aunt Lottie moved away to London, same with Fizzy. Daisy and Phoebe stayed around for a long time, mostly whilst the twins were growing up. So I guess I don’t really consider them my aunty and uncle cause we weren’t raised like that”

 

She had no idea why she had blurted out that whole story to her dad, but he seemed to understand, nodding along to what she was saying. 

 

Their conversation was interrupted by Adelaide clattering her dishes into the sink and storming out of the kitchen. They both listened to the sound of her heeled boots as they echoed against the tiling, listening as she left the house, slamming the front door shut behind her. Carter turned to her father with a questioning look.

 

“She’s going to Zayn’s” Harry answered her unspoken question “Maia’s her best friend and pretty much the only one who puts up with her mood swings now. They’ve known each other their whole life so they’re pretty close”

 

Carter understood, considering that was exactly the same situation she had with Dee.

 

She watched as her dad grabbed the phone, looking at the picture one more time, before clicking the lock screen. She leant over the table and watched as he clicked into her contacts app, adding his phone number under the name ‘Harry’. Carter rolled her eyes and snatched the phone from him as soon as hr finished his number, quickly removing the contact name and replacing it with Dad.

 

“All my life, I’ve only known you as ‘Dad’. That’s what Pop called you and that’s all I’ve ever called you. I can call you Harry if you want, but you don’t need to call yourself that around me” 

 

Her dad reassured her that he was fine with that label and they didn’t discuss it any further. She finished off her breakfast with ease, considering she was pretty famished, before helping her dad clean up the dishes. By the time the dishes were washed and the leftovers placed in the fridge, Carter’s phone had chimed with a text from her pop saying he was here.

 

“Thanks for everything Dad” Carter said as her dad walked her to the front door “I promise I’ll get pop to come drop me off soon”

 

When they got to the door, Harry pulled Carter in a hug, holding her to his chest.

 

“Anytime love. You’re welcome here anytime” He murmured, kissing her on the forehead. 

 

They detached from one another and Carter sent her dad a grin, before he opened the door for her. She kept giving him glances as she walked to the front gates, watching as he remained in the doorway. She knew he had the same fear that she did. The fear about what would happen as soon as her pop drove her away from the house. They had only just met each other, only just got to know each other. They didn’t want to go back to the way things were now.

 

Carter walked out the front gates and spotted her pop’s Nissan parked a few feet away. She was quick to walk to it, putting her bag of stuff in the backseat before hopping in passenger. As soon as she buckled, she looked over at her pop, trying to gauge how he was feeling. He was wearing sunglasses, but she could tell he wasn’t happy due to the firm line his lips were in. She could tell he was also tired, due to the way his hair was still in it’s scruffy do like it was every morning when he woke up. He also seemed to be wearing his track pants and shirt, which she assumed he had worn to bed the night before. An empty mug of tea sat in the compartment between them, she could still smell the strong scent of Yorkshire through the car.

 

Her pop began to drive on the way to their London home, silent as ever. That was unusual for her pop because he was usually the most talkative on the planet. He hated silent car rides more then anything. He was either belting a tune loudly in the car or conversing with the passenger(s). So for her pop to not be talking made the tension build up like fog in the car. 

 

“Pop? Can we talk?” She asked, a hesitance in her voice that she rarely displayed with her pop. Her pop was her best friend and she usually would tell him everything, everything about her life that she could. There were only a few times she was afraid to talk to him, most of the time when she disobeyed him in someway. Like when she answered back once or twice or didn’t do her chores. Or that one time when she broke her DS because she left it laying around and accidentally trod on it. Point was, she never felt scared to talk to her pop, but at the moment, she couldn’t have been more scared. She didn’t know where she stood with him, and after everything she put him through yesterday, she knew that he wouldn’t be all entirely happy.

 

“Not now” He replied, voice firm and Carter began to slowly shrink into herself. Like she said, she told her pop everything and the fact she couldn’t talk to him about this hurt. When something momental happened in her life, her pop was the first one to know. So the fact that she couldn’t talk to him about meeting her dad, or her uncles was like a punch to the gut. She wanted to start talking, answer back to him about everything happening, but she knew it would do no good. Her pop was already tense with her, no need to make things worse. So she stayed silent and silently prayed that everything would be all right once they got to the house.

 

The house meant their home in London, whenever her pop travelled there for work. Most of the time he went by himself, but other times he brought Carter with him, taking her out and about in London. She remembered her first memory of ever going, when she was only seven. She spent the whole Friday of homeschooling rambling on to her teacher about how she was going to go to London that night with her papa. Her teacher had just look exasperated as she’d been trying to test Carter on what she had been learning.

 

Most of the time in London they just visited Lottie and Fizzy. Lottie lived on the outskirts of central London in a town house with her husband Tommy and their two kids, Jared and Ellie. Fizzy lives with her partner Aria in a flat in central London. She remembered she loved visiting Uncle Tommy’s and Aunt Lottie’s cause she loved seeing her younger cousins. However she loved visiting her aunts Fizzy and Aria because they had the two cutest cats and spent the whole time she was there spoiling her and playing games with her. Sometimes her pop complained about how much his sisters spoiled Carter, along with Dee and Ernie. They were the younger clan in the family after all and for a while it was only them. Before Jared and Ellie, along with Daisy’s daughter Izzy, they were the only ones that the four girls could dote on. 

 

However, as much as she loved visiting her aunts in London, she mostly loved when she went sight seeing with her pop. She loved doing the usual tourist attractions, considering they only got to see them every few years. Their trips were few and far between, which she had guessed growing up was due to her father living here. Her pop had always tried to be as inconspicuous as possible on their trips or be at risk of getting them both caught by the paparazzi. He was much more open in Manchester and more especially Leeds. So coming to London was always a delight, a treat for her.

 

It was twenty minutes from Harry’s home to their London home and it made her realise that all the times she was in London, her dad was barely a distance away. She watched as the home pulled up in front of them and the familiarity of the building sent a smile to her face. Their home in London was quite different to the homes of her uncle and father. For one, they didn’t have a security gate. They did have a gate outside their house, but it was a farm gate, one that you just had to unlock manually. No need for the great technology of buzzers and speakerphones. Their house also wasn’t as grandeur as the others. Their house was two stories, but way smaller in size in comparison. Also compared to her dad and Zayn’s approximately six bedroom homes, their home with only three bedrooms seemed nothing in contrast. There was the master bedroom, which was her pop’s room and two guest rooms. One of the guest rooms Carter claimed as her own whenever she visited, but due to the rarity of her visits, she never named it _her_ bedroom. 

 

She got out to open the gate as she always did, walking over to it and opening it up so her pop could drive through. As she closed it and tied it shut, she couldn’t help but look up the house and take it in.

 

The house was a part of the land her pop bought a few months after she was born, around this time of year sixteen years ago. The land was huge, originally being a farm land for various animals of all kinds. There were still fences set up all over the backyard for pens and a huge barn on the far end of the property. As a kid she asked her pop many times if they could buy animals for it, but her father reminded her every time that they would actually have to live in London to do that. 

 

The house itself reminded her of a nice old farm house, ones that she saw in classic movies or trips to the country side. The home itself was made out of masonry of all different colours; orange, brown, grey and a light peach pink. The roof was made up of grey and blue tiles, which chimneys sticking out on either end. She realised looking at the house that it was eerily similar to her dad’s, with the chimneys and the early 19th century atmosphere.

 

She walked up the small gravel driveway (nothing compared to her dad’s steep, long one) to the car, where her pop stood waiting for her. He smiled wearily at her as she raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“Look love, I promise we’ll talk. It’s just that I’ve driven to London twice in twenty four hours and I’m knackered. Can you give me half an hour? Unpack and set your room up for our stay, I’ll rest for a bit and then when I’m ready, we’ll talk okay? We’ll talk”

 

She nodded at her pop’s words, a little relieved that he wasn’t silencing her out. He kept his smile as he leaned over, giving her a kiss on the forehead, exactly like her dad had only done moments ago. He then went to the boot of the car, grabbing his bags out and heading to the front door. With a sigh, Carter did the same, heaving her luggage that her pop had packed out of the car. She brought it inside and immediately went left up the old creaky stairs to the first room on the right. She loved this room because it overlooked the farmland, which as a kid she was highly intrigued by. Their house in the Doncaster suburbs, their small brick home with a tiny grass backyard was nothing like the spacious land of their London home. She used to spend her time here running all over their property, from the barn to the pens to the house. She knew her pop loved it cause it tired her out enough to sleep and not be a pester when he was trying to work.

 

She grabbed the rest of her bags out of the car before immediately starting to unpack. She hung up her shirts in the small two door closet and put the rest of her clothing in the dresser by the window. She grabbed her laptop out, plugging the charger in one of the outlets and resting her laptop on her side table. She put her toiletries in the bathroom and her books in her bedside drawer. By the time she was done and felt like this room was made hers for the summer, her pop called her down for tea.

 

She jogged down the stairs, jumping off the second last stair so she could hit the ground floor with a thump. She walked through to the connecting room, which was the living/dining room. The living room had an arm chair and a large comfy couch, all facing the fireplace which had a small TV above it. The dining room section, however, was just a small circular table with four chairs. Her father sat at one, a mug of tea in his hands. Carter sat across him, grabbing the empty mug and making her own batch of tea with the awaiting bag and kettle. By the time she took her first sip of one of her favourite drinks in the world, she was ready to talk.

 

“Pop” She began, waiting to continue until her pop had met her gaze “I’m… I’m sorry I ran off. I know it was rude and selfish of me, especially because it put you through so much stress and I never want to do that to you. It’s just… you kept me away from dad my whole life and I needed to meet him. I just knew that if he didn’t want me or even had the slightest mean bone in his body, I’d leave. I’d call you and we could go back to normal but… I needed to try because Pop… I love you so much. I love you more then anything and you’ve been the best father a girl could ever have, but I needed to know my other dad as much as I know that would hurt you. And now that I have met him I just have to ask Pop… why? Why did you leave Dad? Why did you keep me away all these years? Because the man I met Pop, was nothing like the man you seemed to be afraid of. So please Pop… please tell me why?”

 

Her pop sat teary eyed in front of her, his gaze having dropped from her face and onto his mug of tea. He was silent for a few minutes, taking a few gentle sips of his tea. She watched as he tried to compose himself, taking deep breaths and preparing himself on what to say, before looking up at her with a hard seriousness in his eyes.

 

“What you have to know Carter, is that your father isn’t a bad man. For a while, he was the loveliest, kindest man I ever had the privilege of meeting. You know this Carter, you know that I loved your father so much. But sometimes love isn’t enough and… like I said, your father isn’t a bad man, but he made a lot of bad decisions. Those bad decisions led to a lot of problems between us, problems that I tried to work out to no avail. And in the end those bad decisions led me to not trusting him anymore, around me and especially not around you. I’m not going to out your dad because as much as I was involved, what happened between us is more his story to tell and not mine. But I want you to know that I would never, _ever_ not let your father have a relationship with you if I didn’t feel it was a necessity”

 

Her pop had never been this deep with her, only giving her simple and short sentences all those other times she asked. She watched with wide eyes as her pop took a shaky breath, before continuing.

 

“I know I should of probably let you meet him years ago, or I should of gone to him, seen if he really changed. I guess that was selfish on my part, because we had so many things left unsaid and I still had all this anger and hurt from our past that I couldn’t let itgo. I felt that you were happy anyways, that I didn’t need to introduce your dad into your life and start all this drama between us, but now I see that’s the wrong decision. But Carter, I heard from Zayn, Niall and Liam that you were scared I was going to take you away, not let you see your dad and that hurt me, love. To think I would be so cruel. I’m sorry that me keeping you away from him all these years allowed you to believe that but C, I am more then fine with you having a relationship with your dad”

 

Carter could practically fill her eyes lighting up “Really?”

 

“Yes. You remember how I tell you that grandpa Mark isn’t my real dad? Well, my biological father, Troy, left my mother and I when I was only a couple of weeks old. Many years later, when I was around eleven, I had the chance to reunite with him and it meant everything to me. However, after spending an hour with him and his new family, I knew it was more him saving face then really caring about me, so I got Nana Jay to pick me up and that was the last time I saw or heard of him. I would of killed to have a relationship with my father and my father accept me and love me because I was his son. Of course I got lucky with grandpa Mark and grandpa Dan but… I know how it feels Carter and from what I heard your dad does accept you and does want a relationship with you, which is something I can’t deny you now. All I ask is that you don’t try force a relationship upon me. We’re here to stay this summer so you can spend time with your dad and I’m fine driving you to and from so you can see him. I will be civil with your father because he is your dad and if he is gonna try then I have to too. However, that doesn’t mean I want a relationship of any kind with your dad. We went through something very rough Carter and it left a lot of residual damage on both ends. I’m fine if you want to build a relationship with your dad, but don’t try force me to too”

 

Carter nodded without hesitation as her father finished his discussion, tears of happiness beginning to drop down her cheeks “I understand. I understand everything and I promise I won’t try force anything with you and dad I just… thank you so much Pop”

 

A small smile graced his lips and he held his arms out wide. Carter immediately beamed and got up from her seat, walking over and leaning down to hug her pop.

 

“I love you Papa. Me meeting dad doesn’t change that” She whispered into her father’s shoulder.

 

He rubbed her back soothingly “I love you too sweetheart… I know, I know”

 

It was just like that that the tension that had been between them was gone, and the father and daughter were left blubbering messes, trying to console each other. After a long hug, they pulled apart and Carter wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

 

“I’ve been doing too much crying lately. Do you think I can just blame it on hormones?” She asked her pop, causing him to chuckle.

 

“I’m sure there are many other factors to you being emotional, but sure, we can just blame it on hormones”

 

She smiled and sat down in her seat and began to recap her previous days details, being careful to leave certain things out that might upset her pop. Such as her rude half sister or her holding her dad whilst he cried over her pop. Everything else she included and her pop really did seem ecstatic for her. 

 

“I’m really glad that you finally got to meet your uncles, darling. Speaking of which — we were invited for a huge family dinner tonight at Liam’s. He texted me just before I got to your dad’s. It’s gonna be all One Direction members and their families, so you and I can get to know everyone now that we’re… we’re back so to speak”

 

Carter was excited at the prospect of meeting her ‘extended family’ as such. She may not be blood related to her uncles, but having grown up with stories about them and seeing how close both her pop and dad were to them, she was looking forward to spending more time with them. She was also excited about meeting their families — she knew that Uncle Niall and Liam had kids, and of course she had met Zayn’s daughter. So the idea of meeting kids, even if they were younger then her, made her eager. Jared, Ellie and Izzy were all quite younger then her, but she loved them to bits and they were so much fun to play with.

 

Though Carter realised that when her pop said ‘all one direction family members’ that it meant her dad was going to be there too. She asked her pop if he as fine with it and he reminded her that he said he’d try with her dad. Which meant he would need to talk to him and some point or another, and he’d rather it be with others around, more specifically his ex bandmates. Carter didn’t bother to press the issue further.

 

“So what time is dinner?” She asked, grabbing both her mug and her pop’s, taking them into the kitchen which was in the neighbouring room.

 

“Half past six, love” Her father called. She placed the mugs in the sink and returned, a small frown on her face.

 

“It’s only quarter to twelve, what are we meant to do until then?” She enquired, to which her dad responded with a huge grin.

 

“What?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

 

He indicated behind her, making her turn to see what the hell he was looking at. She immediately squealed when she saw what was sitting by the archway. Sitting in a large fabric bag was her pop and her’s playstation from home, along with the latest FIFA game that she hadn’t gotten the chance to play yet.

 

“The game only arrived yesterday” Her pop told her “So what do you say kiddo? Want to help me set it up so I can whoop your arse?”

 

She turned and sent her a father a mock glare, a smirk on her face “Oh… you are so on!”

 

 

 

They spent most of the afternoon playing FIFA, both beating the other and one point or another until they had equal scoring in the end. Around two pm they had ordered uber eats, both of them getting a meatball sub from Subway. They had sat eating it on the back porch, her father complaining about how their backyard needed a serious mow. By the time five pm rolled around, the both of them were what Carter dubbed “FIFA-ed out” so they turned off the electronics and both retreated to their respective rooms to get ready.

 

The afternoon with her pop had been one of her favourites in a long time. Back home, her summer had been quite boring, considering her pop had been busy with work. He was gone for most of the day, only popping home for lunch and a quick chat. Having the afternoon to bond, for them to play FIFA just like old times, set a good foundation between them. If Carter was going to be forming a relationship with her other dad, she wanted her pop to know that she still loved him and that Harry wasn’t replacing him. She didn’t know her dad well, but she knew that he and her pop were both entirely different. Not only in parenting, but in their interests and personalities. It was hard for her dad to replace her pop and vice versa because they weren’t the same people.

 

She hopped in the shower and washed her hair, feeling grotty as she had been too tired to have a shower the night before. She got changed into one of the nicer shirts her pop had packed along with a pair of shorts. It never got majorly hot in England, but it was quite a warm day and Carter felt she would overheat in a pair of jeans. She let her hair dry as she did her make up. She never put effort into her make up, much to the disappointment of Dee and all her aunties. However today she decided to make an exception, as she had a lot of new people to make a good impression on. She got out all the make up products that she had packed in her toiletry bag (various products she had gotten from her relatives) and began to apply them to her face the way Dee had taught her multiple times. When she was done, she couldn’t help but like what she saw. 

 

By the time her hair dried and had been put up into a bun, her pop gave her a five minute warning. She then proceeded to put on her converses and grab out a cardigan in case it got chilly. With her phone in her pocket, she bounded down the stairs to her awaiting pop. She had seen her pop dressed up way more in the past, in suits and fancy business clothes for his fancy business meetings. Although his outfit wasn’t up to par with those, he still looked quite nice. He wore a short sleeve dark blue button up shirt and black trousers. He wore converses on his feet as well, black ones that matched Carter’s exactly. They both gave each other a high five at that.

 

They were quick to get into the car and leave the house, driving towards London. Carter called the house her ‘London home’ but it was rather more her East Barnet home, if she were to be specific. Her pop’s home was about ten minutes west of Zayn’s home, the latter living in the Edgware area. Her dad lived about fifteen minutes south from both Zayn and her pop, residing in East Finchley. From the address her pop had made her type into the car GPS, her uncle Liam lived in Brent, which was closer to London then all the other homes. The drive was about thirty minutes, so Carter attached her phone via bluetooth and spent the whole car ride belting Ed Sheeran tunes with her pop. 

 

When they got to Liam’s, Carter was happily surprised with how different his house was. Although still fairly big and nice, the house looked more like a town house rather then a mansion. Made up of white & cream bricks and reddish-brown roof tiles, the house still looked elegant and expensive, but quaint and quite less daunting. The front gate also happened to be open, so her pop was able to pull in and park straight next to a range rover. Liam’s house also didn’t have a long driveway, nor a driveway at all really. The whole front section of their home, as soon as you passed the gate, was just plain orange bricks. Straight ahead from the gate was stairs leading up to a front door, and to the left of these stairs led down to the garage. Her pop parked next to the stairs, still leaving room for plenty of other cars to park.

 

They got out, and Louis grabbed a bottle of wine out from the backseat, one that Carter didn’t even notice he had. The two of them then made their way up the front stairs and to the door. Carter could tell her pop was nervous, his stance quite reserved as he stood a good foot away from the door. So her, being overly excited and eager instead, happily rung the doorbell, knocking on the door twice for good measure. They didn’t need to wait long, barely a few seconds, before they heard footsteps and soon the door unlocking and opening.

 

The boy who answered the door was unfamiliar, someone that Carter and (with Carter send one quick look to confirm) her pop had never seen before. He was only a teenager, around the same age as Carter herself, with brown hair and eyes. His hair was shaggy and flopped over his forehead, almost covering one of his eyes. His face was round, but he had a strong jawline, that seemed to place emphasis on his round eyes. He had a flat nose and pale thin lips, along with soft olive skin which brought out the light freckles on his nose and cheeks. As soon as he saw who was at the door, he flashed a grin.

 

“You must be Carter!” He greeted cheerfully looking at Carter, before turning to her pop “And you must be my Uncle Louis, come in!”

 

He stepped off to the side to leave the doorway open and the two of them walked in, staring at their surroundings as they did so. The entry room was small, just room enough for the staircase to the second floor and a table with a vase of flowers. The floors were made of dark wood linoleum and the walls were painted a pale white. It made the room feel much more spacious then it was and left the house feeling open and inviting. As soon as the boy shut the door, he turned back to the two guests, a smile still on his face.

 

“So you must be Liam’s boy?” Her pop greeted, holding his hand out to the teen.

 

The boy didn’t hesitate to shake her pop’s hand “Yep, Teddy Grey Payne, pleasure to meet you”

 

Her pop laughed and extracted his hand whilst Teddy moved on to shake Carter’s hand. After they did so, Teddy began to lead them through the house, to the alfresco where everyone else was.

 

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I swear I read up at one point that your name was Bear?” Her pop asked.

 

“I don’t mind at all. Bear was my birth name, I changed it two years ago with both my parents permission. My mum thought the name suited me and dad went along with it cause she liked it. However by the time I was a toddler, my parents were calling me Teddy anyways and that name just suited me more. I mean it’s not the most common name in the world, but I think Teddy is better then Bear, don’t you?”

 

Carter couldn’t help but chuckle with a nod “I like Teddy, definitely suits you. My full name is Amy Carter Tomlinson, but Pop thought Carter suited me more and it just worked. Still to this day it’s stuck… stuck like gum”

 

She watched as Teddy cackled at that last bit, his eyes brightening even further, if that was even possible for this naturally cheerful bloke “Stuck like gum, I have never heard that simile before. Definitely will be using it more”

 

Carter saluted him “Glad to help”

 

They got to the back of the house where the kitchen and dining area were, along with a large set of glass doors. Teddy, who was ahead of the both of them, opened the glass doors first, stepping outside followed by Carter and Louis. Carter was immediately greeted by the sounds of people chattering along with kids laughter and screaming. She noted that the kids laughter came from a group of kids, that were running around the backyard just beyond the alfresco. The backyard was larger then Carter expected, extending out quite far so that it fit a pool and a grass area beyond it. The kids were running around the grass and along the pool gates, seeming as if they were playing a game of chase-y amongst each other. As for the adults, they all sat at the alfresco, drinking from wine glasses and chattering amongst themselves. The alfresco was made up of a large dining area with a barbecue and small outdoor bar to go a long with it. Carter didn’t have much time to take in her surroundings as suddenly, there was a woman standing before them.

 

“Louis!” She exclaimed, hugging the man in front of her excitedly “It’s so good to see you again! How are you?”

 

Carter watched her pop smile as he hugged the woman back “I’ve been well Soph, how about you?”

 

The woman took a look at her surroundings before turning back to Louis with a grin “Oh I guess I can’t complain”

 

Carter didn’t know who this woman was, but she was pretty awestruck by her. She was gorgeous, a woman with beauty that teen girls like Carter could only dream of having. A woman with soft tanned skin, dark straight hair and light green eyes. She looked like a model, and honestly Carter wouldn’t be surprised if she was one, with the way her cheeks popped out when she smiled and the lean curviness of her body.

 

The woman turned to Carter, flashing her a smile.

 

“You must be Carter — I’m Liam’s wife Sophia. It’s wonderful to meet you” And before Carter could even react, the woman was pulling her into a hug. She was bewildered for a moment, as she obviously didn’t expect this after only just meeting this stranger, but she was quick to reciprocate the warm gesture.

 

When they pulled away, Louis indicated to the kids running around the backyard.

 

“Any of those yours?” He asked, causing Sophia to giggle.

 

“Unfortunately yes. Liam and I had twins eight years ago. I’ll introduce you to them when they decide to pipe down and stop making a racket”

 

Louis shrugged “Kids will be kids. Enjoy it, before you know it they grow up too fast and all you want is for them to be little again”

 

Sophia ‘awed’ whilst Louis pulled Carter into a hug, making her groan in annoyance. She heard Sophia and Teddy both laughing and the sound of chairs scraping on the cement. By the time her pop released her from his death grip, the rest of the adults had come over to join them. At that point, it was only her uncles Niall and Liam, along with another woman she had never met before.

 

Her pop and her were quick to receive warm hugs from the former One Direction members, both of them turning serious for a moment to make sure everything was all right. When Carter and her pop both confirmed that things were all fine and well, any sign of graveness from the other men was gone.

 

Niall called for her and her pop's attention, gesturing to the woman beside him “Louis and Carter, I’d like to introduce you to my wife Violet. Vi, this is Lou and his daughter Carter”

 

Violet was quick to hug them both, which Carter realised was something common that occurred along this weird group of a family. She asked Carter whether she had been enjoying London, which she affirmed that she was. The conversation then split off so they were all having smaller chats; Niall, Liam, Sophia and Louis talked about stories relating to the One Direction days whilst Teddy, Violet and Carter talked for a bit about London. Carter learnt that Violet was originally from Australia, but had been living in London for fourteen years now. Her accent was fairly noticeable, but it was laced with euphemisms and the dialect that she picked up from where she was now residing.

 

Violet, well Aunt Violet (she was a lot like Niall in the fact that she insisted Carter called her aunt) reminded her a lot of her Aunt Lottie. They were very similar in looks, with honey skin and blonde hair. Over the years, her Aunt Lottie’s hair had returned to it’s rich, warm blonde, rather then the bleached platinum blonde that she had showcased for a long time. That colour matched Violet’s to a T. They both had blue eyes and welcoming smiles, however her Aunt Violet had a lot of freckles over her cheeks and nose, bringing a sort of innocence to her face. She really enjoyed the presence of her Aunt Violet, because she was hilarious. For the twenty minutes they talked, both Carter and Teddy were cracking up constantly.

 

Teddy seemed like a funny person too, and Carter was glad they were similar in age. Teddy had only been born a year after her, leaving not a huge age difference between them. Teddy claimed he was glad Carter was here, as he was sick of being the oldest in the group. He said he wasn’t cut out for a life of responsibility, earning an eye roll from Aunt Violet.

 

She also discovered that her ‘cousin’ may have been Liam’s son, but not Sophia’s. He didn’t go into too many details, but just told her how his dad and Sophia dated in One Direction, and broke up a little bit after Carter’s pop had left. Then his dad had dated his mum for a while, which was when they had Teddy. He said that they broke up a year or so after he was born, and instead just decided to co parent. It wasn't soon after that, that Liam rekindled with Sophia. He explained how he lived with his dad during the week, because he was closer to the school that he, Maia, Adelaide and Niall’s oldest son attended. He stayed with his mums on the weekend, which was where he had just gotten back from only the day before. 

 

Once her Aunt Violet had finished her glass of wine, her and Teddy decided to introduce Carter to the kids. They walked over to the grass area, where the kids were all hanging around. There were three boys sitting under the tree by the fence, the taller one in the middle of the three with a game console, the other two watching with intrigue. All the other kids were running around, playing some game of sorts. 

 

“Kids” Violet called, causing each head to pop up and look at her “I want to introduce you to someone. Can you all come over here?”

 

Carter watched as the children found their way over to them, all looking at her curiously. Violet turned to Carter.

 

“So I’ll first introduce you to my children. First is our oldest, Rowan”

 

Rowan was the one with the console and seemingly the oldest of the group. He waved hi, with a shy smile on his face. Violet continued on introducing her kids in order of their age. Next was Amber, a girl with a cheerful grin and bright eyes. Then was Blaine, one of the boys that had been with Rowan. He was like the splitting image of his older brother, both of them having dark hair and pale blue eyes. They looked like miniature versions of Niall, whereas Amber looked a lot like her mother. The next two were Denver, a seven year old blonde haired boy and Marissa, a five year old brunette. Denver said a small hi, whereas Marissa had come up and hugged Carter’s legs with a giggle. It was obvious that she had taken the family’s usual tactic when meeting people.

 

Finally, the last of the bunch was Indigo, a small toddler who hid behind her eldest sister’s legs. However, as soon as Violet knelt down and opened her arms, the little girl had run into them.

 

“This is Carter” She said to not only Indigo but the rest of the group “She’s Uncle Harry and Uncle Louis’ daughter. You haven’t met your Uncle Louis yet but I’ll introduce you to him when you come back into the house for dinner. Okay?”

 

The kids nodded and Violet gave Carter one last smile before wandering back to the adults, Indigo still with her. However, before Carter could have a conversation with the Horan kids, Teddy introduced Carter to his own siblings.

 

“This is Rhys and Ruby. Their the only twins in the family, as they like to always tell everyone”

 

Rhys and Ruby looked quite alike for being a set of boy and girl twins. They both had dark brown hair and eyes, along with olive skin that was similar to their older brothers. They looked like a good mixture between their mother and father, but Carter wasn’t surprised with the good traits both their parents already had. It was then that any awkwardness between her and the kids had died, and soon the kids were all over her, wanting to know everything about her. 

 

The boys loved her when they found out she enjoyed footy and FIFA and the younger girls adored her when she said she knew how to plait hair. Teddy watched with amusement as she chatted to the boys about some recent football matches, whilst plaiting Ruby and Marissa’s hair. She had taken her hair out from her bun and let Amber practice plaiting it, trying not wince when she yanked her hair a bit too hard. By the time she had just finished Ruby’s hair, they all heard a squealing from Marissa.

 

“Levi!” She cheered, causing the whole group to turn their head to see where she was looking. Coming across the grass was a young boy, running ecstatically to the girl who had called his name. Behind him were two girls, who were both quite familiar to Carter. Maia and Adelaide. 

 

“Well look who finally made it” Teddy drawled, whilst the other cousins went to greet the three new members.

 

After giving Amber and Ruby a hug, Maia sat down next to Teddy and Carter, the latter two not having bothered to stand up in greeting. 

 

“Yeah well mum and dad were running late as per usual, and then Dad had already offered to pick Uncle Harry and Addy up so we had to detour for that” Maia explained, a nonchalance in her tone. 

 

Teddy just shrugged “Oh well, dinner isn’t even ready yet, the adults are drinking too much for that”  
  
Maia and Teddy both snickered whilst Carter just cracked a smile.

 

“Maia, Maia, look!” Marissa came clambering over to the group of teens, plopping herself in Maia’s lap “Carter did my hair! Did you see it?”

 

They watched with amusement as Marissa shook her head crazily, poorly trying to display the plait at the back of her head. 

 

“Yeah I did see Rissy, Carter did a good job didn’t she?” 

 

Marissa nodded just as the other girls came over to join them, along with Levi and Denver. Rowan, Blaine and Rhys had obviously gone back to their game.

 

Ruby, obviously having overheard the conversation, piped up as she sat down “Yeah she did my hair too!”

 

“And she let me do her hair!” Amber said excitedly, making Carter turn the back of her head to the group “I was trying to do it just like the way you taught me Addy”

 

She could see that her half sister was still obviously agitated by Carter's presence, and that her cousins were now bonding with her, but she still flashed a smile for the sake of Amber “Yeah it looks wonderful Amber”

 

Amber beamed with praise and Carter realised that she obviously looked up to the older girls in the group. Maia, Adelaide and now Carter. Carter had always enjoyed being an older cousin to Jared, Ellie and Izzy and that didn’t change with her new extended family. A part of her, however, wished that she had been around longer, as she felt like an outsider looking in. The younger kids were obviously fascinated by her, and enjoyed her company, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a stranger. These group of kids had already formed their own bonds and relationships and she was the cousin they had only just met.

 

The thought reminded her that at that point, her dad would of arrived. Meaning that at that moment, her pop was up there with her dad and her dad with her pop. She could feel her face pale slightly but she forced a smile and went to get up.

 

“I’m gonna go check in on my pop” She said as she stood up. Teddy got up to join her, leaving the rest of the kids behind. As they walked up, Teddy asked if something was up between herself and Adelaide, as the other girl was glaring at Carter as she walked away. Carter just said that she would explain later.

 

When they got up to the alfresco, Carter was relieved to see her parents were sitting on opposite ends of the table, so nowhere in near range for them to be talking. God only knows what would happen if that occurred. Her pop was closest to her, so she said hi to him whilst giving him a kiss on the forehead. He asked her if she was having fun and grinned when she said that she was. Though before she could go greet her dad, Zayn stood up and bid her over. 

 

“How are you, love?” He greeted, pulling her in for a hug. 

 

“I’m good” She replied, flashing him a smile as she pulled away.

 

“That’s great. Anyways I’d like to introduce you to my wife Perrie. Pez, this is Carter”

 

Perrie stood up to say hi and of course, as she had learnt this always happened with this family, there was a hug.

 

“It’s wonderful to meet you Carter” Perrie said “My husband has told me all about you”

 

“And my pop has told me all about you” Carter replied “You were in a lot of the stories he told me about his One Direction days. And he gave me all your albums, I listen to them all the time when I’m doing my homework”

 

There were only a few bands her pop had let her listen to from around the time she was born. She enjoyed Little Mix, Imagine Dragons & Coldplay. And as for artists; Sam Smith, James Arthur and of course, Ed Sheeran.

 

Perrie seemed endeared by that, and they had a small chat about her band’s music, before Carter went to say hi to her dad. 

 

Her dad pulled her into a hug as soon as she got around to him. She hugged him back whilst also looking in her peripheral vision at her pop. He was staring right back at them, a blank look on his face. She realised that she had felt guilty for hugging her dad, just because her pop was there. Although her pop said he was fine with her forming the relationship, she couldn't help but feel a bit off about it. Like she was a bad person for wanting to see her dad.

At dinner, she ended up sitting next to her pop, in between him and Teddy. All throughout dinner, she watched her pop and dad exchange uncomfortable and tense looks across the table and the way they tried to avoid each other at all costs. She knew Teddy noticed because he nudged Carter and asked if she was all right, but all Carter could do was pretend that she was. She pretended she was fine when her dad asked her if she was able to hang out with him tomorrow, to get to know each other more, and she had to go relay the message to her pop because they wouldn't talk. Then further go back and forth so they could work out times. The whole night she felt as if she was stuck in the middle, being tossed around like a rag doll between her parents. They weren't saying a bad word about the other, weren't acting like malicious divorced parents, but the silent solemn looks were almost worse. She knew her pop said he was trying, but right now Carter didn't believe it. Only a few hours ago she was optimistic about her summer and now her parents were making her dread it.

 

The light of the night was meeting her extended family. Her aunts and uncles were hilarious and her cousins were kind and friendly. She ended up getting along well with Teddy and Maia, with Maia eventually telling her to call her May, as that's what most of the family called her. Adelaide seemed distant most of the night, which wasn't a surprise to Carter, considering her sister hadn't given her a chance this whole time. She knew it had only been two days and that she should just wait and see, but she always felt that first impressions really counted. At the first impression she got from her half sister? Horrific.

 

She liked this family, and felt that she wanted to truly be apart of it, but she felt like she couldn't with the way things were going. As her pop and her bid goodbye at the door, her uncles and aunties giving them hugs (along with the little cousins were still both enthralled by her  _and_ their uncle Louis) Carter watched as her dad stood away at a distance. Having already said goodbye to Carter, he looked as if he were trying to make himself invisible, watching Louis with sad eyes. She noticed that her pop was also reserved, a reflective look on his face as he drove home, lost in his own world.

 

Her pop said he would try, but the whole night he hadn't exchanged a word with her dad. And her dad was too scared, too guilt ridden about whatever he did, to even try approaching her pop. It had only been one night, but overall it had felt as if they were going backwards rather then forwards, which was different progress to what she had felt earlier in the day.

She knew her pop said he didn't want a relationship with her dad, didn't want anything to do with him at all really. Though she wanted to belong in this family, wanted to have a whole new life with her dad included. And that wouldn't be able to have that, if things kept going the way they were.

 

So as the long dark road stretched beyond her, the quiet lull of Ed Sheeran playing through the radio, Carter opened her contacts and scrolled down to the ‘P’ section, selecting the newly added contact and clicking ‘send message’.

 

 

 

> _ I need your help. _
> 
> __

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank McDonald's Mocha Frappes for helping me write and get this chapter up.
> 
> Just kidding, I'd love to actually thank you guys for your wonderful support on the last chapter. Your comments are truly wonderful and mean the world to me! I'm sorry about the chapter I just wrote though. It's boring and I kind of hate it. But this chapter needs to tie up loose ends and introduce you guys to the extended 1D family, as dull as it might be.
> 
> Quick Question: Would you guys want me to come off anonymous? I am perfectly happy still being J but the only reason I was on anonymous was because I didn't know if I wanted to continue, but now that you guys have shown me so much support, I'm motivated to write this story as much as a struggle it may be at some points. Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Any feedback on this chapter is appreciated. Thank you guys! The next chapter reveals some more shit and there is a big tense moment. Ain't saying who it is between though ;)
> 
> All the love.
> 
> -J


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that this story is all fictional xx

**PART ll: RE-EXPERIENCE (CONTINUED)**

 

 

**& H  &**

 

**Flashback: 10 July 2010**

 

When Harry first met Louis, without a doubt, Louis was the most attractive guy he had ever met.

 

Growing up, Harry had a horrible trait: he was always extremely thirsty when he was nervous. It was as if he had a biological symptom of being anxious or something. He’d drank almost four litres on his _X Factor_ audition day, to the point he had to run to the bathroom several times. However, at that point he had his mum & dad there, along with Gemma. Now he was at bootcamp, meaning he had no one, and that made him feel even more jittery.

 

Whilst everyone was practicing choreography backstage, Harry made a dash to the bathroom. The choreography was simple, no doubt, but that didn’t make him any less queasy about it. He had never danced in his life… professionally that is. He was a klutz and spent majority of his time tripping over thin air, so he’d never been too keen to go to a dance class. His sister Gemma had done it for a while as a kid, and would always criticise Harry when he tried to copy her. So he was worried about how he would look on stage, in front of the judges and Brian - Brian who happened to work with tons of celebrities already. He was also afraid he would trip, or stumble into another contestant or God forbid completely forget every move he had learnt and end up looking like a deer in headlights. So long story short, Harry was nervous, meaning he really needed to pee.

 

When he arrived at the bathrooms, they were surprisingly empty. So, he was able to make a quick dash to the urinals, without having to wait impatiently. The quietness gave him time to think — time to _breathe_ as he went over the choreography again and again in his mind. He hummed the tune of ‘Payphone’ as he did, replaying the memory of Brian performing it, trying to think of what he did to execute the moves perfect. He hadn’t even realised that someone had come to use the urinal next to him, until he spotted them out of the corner of this mind and nearly tripped mid-pee in surprise.

 

He ended up bumping into the other bloke, and the two of them scrambled to keep up right, both of them gripping onto the walls for balance. They looked at each other wide eyed and that’s when Harry first got a good look at him. This boy in front of him was different to other boys he’d seen, to the other boys he had the pleasure of meeting. He’d grown up in a small town, population no more than six thousand. The boys at his school, the boys he saw around town, the boys he counted as his friends were all very different to the one in front of him.

 

He could never pinpoint what it was about Louis to this day, all he could think was that Louis was very… unique. He had this crinkle to his eye that you couldn’t ignore, and a grin that seemed to stay with you no matter how hard you tried to shake it. He radiated confidence out of every pore in his body and wasn’t afraid to wear or say what he wanted. The first time Harry laid eyes upon him, all he could remember was his blue eyes, eyes that seemed to shine with happiness and mirth. Blue eyes that he couldn’t help but fall into, blue eyes that brought up feelings he tried so hard to suppress. Feelings that you could only ignore when you lived in a small town, a small town where everyone knew your name, a small town which was governed on traditional values. 

 

He was quick to snap out of his trance, realising how fucking cheesy and cliche the moment had been, and blushed profusely.

 

“Oops” He couldn’t help but mumble, causing the other man to grin brightly.

 

“Hi” The boy said, before pausing and shaking his head swiftly “I mean… Hi… I’m Louis. Louis Tomlinson”

 

“Hi Louis Tomlinson, I’m Harry Styles” Harry replied, causing Louis to chuckle softly.

 

“Oh I know who you are Harry Styles” Louis stated “I saw you sing just before. You’re bloody brilliant mate. Much better then I can say for myself”

 

Harry furrowed his eyebrows “Thank you for your kind words, but don’t put yourself down like that. You’ve made it as far as me, which means that you must be as talented as you say I am”

 

Louis rolled his eyes “I doubt that mate. I already know you’re gonna become a star. For me? Pipe dream. But for you? It’s bound to be reality — I mean with a name like that? Proper performer name. And you know what? A performer needs to know how to sign autographs so…”

 

He watched with shock as Louis pulled his phone out of his pocket along with a sharpie. Harry eyed him suspiciously.

 

“Why on Earth do you have a sharpie in your pocket?”

 

“For moments like this” Louis retorted “Sign my phone case. I will be honoured that when I see you signing autographs for millions of fans that scream your name, that you and I will know I was your first”

 

Harry couldn’t help but chuckle. This boy — Louis — was a stranger, and yet somehow he already knew that Harry was going to be a star. It was this confidence, this determination that Harry only could dream of having. He couldn’t help but be a bit enamoured by the boy.

 

“Fine, but only if you sign mine too” Harry said stubbornly, causing Louis to huff.

 

“Fine. But only because I want my bloody autograph”

 

So without hesitation, Harry grabbed the sharpie and signed Louis’ phone case. The other boy was then quick to do the same, signing Harry’s old Nokia cover. They put their phones away back in their pockets and went back to what they were doing, small smiles on their faces. 

 

“Louis?” Harry asked only moments later, looking at the other lad in the mirror as they washed their hands.

 

“Yeah Harry?”

 

“Are you nervous? Because you don’t seem nervous, but I’m pretty petrified. I mean, what if I screw up?”

 

Louis turned to Harry and put a hand on his shoulder “Like I said lad, you are born to be a singer. You are going to go out today and smash this, because all of this? It isn’t about how well you can dance or how good you can perform. It's all about confidence, all about showing that you are meant for this. And since you are, it’s only fit that you go out and show that to them”

 

Harry thanked Louis with a smile, and the older boy was quick to depart the bathroom, leaving Harry alone.

 

Harry would like to think that when he went out on that stage, he brought a piece of Louis’ confidence with him. He would also like to think — true to Louis’ words — that he smashed it.

 

* * *

 

**Present Day: 16 July 2032**

 

Harry wondered if it was just a coincidence that the day after his 22nd anniversary of meeting Louis, that for the first time he met their daughter.

 

There were prominent moments in his life that stood out amongst the rest, moments that he felt changed him in someway, or made his life different after. Of course the first and one of the most important was his _X Factor_ audition, as it was pretty much the starting point of everything, the beginning domino of the domino effect that was the rest of his life.Events such as meeting Louis and meeting Zayn, Liam and Niall. Events such as being in One Direction, where he toured the world multiple times with his mates and topped the charts consecutively. Events such as starting his own solo career and being able to create music personal to him. His whole journey also ended up allowing him to meeting new people, such as the woman who gave birth to his daughter. 

 

Holding Adelaide for the first time was a memory Harry could never forget. He remembered the nurse carrying her over, and gently placing her into his arms. He remembers how small and fragile she was, this tiny living person that he was now responsible for. He remembers looking down at her, her eyes closed and her mouth open in a small ‘o’ and seeing her lift her hand up and grip his finger. The feelings that washed over him at that point; the joy, the awe, the pride — the warmth that sat in his chest as he met Addy for the first time was something that would stick with him until he died.

 

He never expected to meet his other daughter in a completely different way. 

 

It was a strange experiencing meeting the daughter you never knew, meeting your child who was all grown up and was able to think, feel and speak for themselves. He remembers the first time he laid on Carter, the nervousness that bubbled in his stomach as he looked on at the girl curiously. He’d already known that this girl was possibly his daughter — thanks to Addy — but it was still without a doubt a weird experience for him. He remembers staring at the stranger, realising how she looked so familiar but so foreign at the same time. It wasn’t until Liam uttered her other father’s name, that he realised that who the girl in front of him really was.

 

Beyond that, the feelings that he felt meeting his other daughter, were the exact same as when he met Adelaide. He felt the joy, the awe, the pride as the realisation dawned upon him that this beautiful girl before him was his own daughter, the daughter he created with his ex-boyfriend. Although when he held Addy she was only a couple of hours old and so tiny, whereas Carter was sixteen and as tall as him, he realised that there was no other difference within the experience. Meeting a child for the first time, no matter the circumstance, is truly a defining moment.

 

Having children also creates a whole new life for you. When Addy was born, Harry couldn’t imagine his life without her, and the same now goes for Carter. It’s hard to think that only a few days prior, he had a life where he didn’t know she existed. Where he spent most of his days working, or watching movies with Addy or catching up for a drink with his mates. Now, he felt that his whole life before was so strange, now that he had met the daughter he never knew. 

 

The deep thoughts circulated his mind as he sat in the living room, staring out the window waiting for Carter to be dropped off. As he had gotten to know his daughter over the past few days, there was one big thing he realised about her: she _loved_ football. The first time he noticed was from the picture she showed of her and Louis, the both of them on a football field grinning in sync at the camera. Second time was when she told him about the story of her childhood, about Louis bringing her home football goals as a surprise. There were other times here and there when she told stories about going to footy games and about how much she loved the Donny Rovers & Man U. So overall, he knew that the best bonding experience for them would be to play footy.

 

He wondered what Louis thought about it. If they still talked, if Louis didn’t hate his guts, he probably would of laughed at the idea. Harry could imagine him, head thrown back with his eyes crinkling before staring at Harry with a goofy grin, taunting ‘You? Play football? Harry even a toddler could beat you. You’d make a run for the ball and fall on your face, you are such a klutz’. Despite Harry always being annoyed by Louis’ constant teasing over his athletic abilities, if he could wish for anything it would be to hear Louis do it again.

 

He knew Carter was excited about it, as she had texted him the previous night, telling him she was looking forward to it. He had seen her a couple of days earlier, when he invited her over for lunch. They had their meal and talked for a bit before Louis came and picked her up. He wouldn’t be lying when he said that it was pretty awkward and uncomfortable. The night before that wasn't much better. He’d only seen her in bits and pieces when the whole gang had gone to Liam’s for dinner. Louis had been there also, and despite Harry hoping he would get the chance to talk to him, it never occurred. Louis had always been a couple of feet from him and always busied himself in conversation with other people, only sneaking a few glances at Harry every once in a while. 

 

The self control it took him to not go and speak to Louis was phenomenal. For months, even years after Louis had left the band, his one dream had been to speak to Louis again. As soon as he realised that he was gone, it was as if everything he had done in the past few months hit him at once. The last few months on the One Direction tour were the absolute worst, not just for him but for everyone around him. All he wanted was Louis, and still to this day, that longing was still there. It had been small, almost dormant, but it still sat at the pit of his stomach, a reminder of the past he wished he could change. A reminder of the person he never wanted to be again.

 

So it had been Carter that relayed messages from him to Louis and from Louis to him, so he’d seen her only in small doses. Although he had seen her the whole time when they had lunch the next day, it had been very stilted and tense. He didn’t know how to make conversation with her and felt like a complete failure of a father as soon as she left. He was surprised that she was even excited to see him today, only a few days later. However, he was excited for the day, as he would be able to spend the whole time with Carter and get to know her just one on one, in a way that they could both enjoy. Of course, he had invited Adelaide to join them, hoping she would want to get to know her older sister — however it was pretty obvious that she had declined. If ‘not in a million years!’ was an acceptable decline.

 

It had only been a few days, but both sisters didn’t even seem at all likely to want to interact. Adelaide straight up refused the fact to acknowledge she had a sister and Carter believed that her sister was part demon, so she hadn’t really wanted to give her a chance. Harry knew he should give them more time, let them both warm up to the idea of each other, but at the same time he wondered if he didn’t do anything about it, if it would stop.

 

Adelaide had already had a difficult time in life, especially a few years ago when she lost her mother. Harry ended up with full custody of his daughter, who wouldn’t speak to anyone but him, and would stay by his side constantly. It took a while, a lot of therapy sessions and playdates with Maia for her to start acting like a normal ten year old again. He remembered the joy he felt, the first time the therapist said that Addy spoke to her. Or when he picked her up from Maia’s one weekend and heard her say goodbye. It was those small miracles that made the heartbreak and pain worth it. What made him never want to take life for granted again. However the problem was, he felt that his gratefulness for Adelaide’s progress, made her have the ability to get away with everything.

 

He spent so much time lost in his thoughts, he almost missed the sound of the buzzer echoing from the front door. He snapped out of his mind quickly and raced through to the next room, to the front door where the intercom sat next to it on the wall. He pressed the button and spoke through, grinning when he heard his daughter’s voice through the speaker. He buzzed her in and opened the front door, a small part of him hoping that he would catch a glimpse of Louis, hoping he would drive her up to the house. Though when he saw that it was just Carter walking up by herself, he felt his heart sink slightly. However he kept his smile on for Carter, who jogged up to the front door.

 

“Hey Dad” She greeted, immediately walking into Harry’s awaiting arms. He smiled as he hugged her, patting her softly on the back. As much as he was happy to see his daughter, he was still quite awkward around her, and felt somewhat stiff hugging her. Though he tried to cover it up as much as possible so she couldn't notice. He let her inside and shut the door behind her, leading her into the living room so he could finish getting ready. As he sat down on the couch to put his sneakers on, Carter sat on the armrest, watching him with amusement in her eye.

 

“What?” He questioned, watching as a smirk formed on his daughter’s lips. It was kind of unbelievable how much she looked like Louis in that moment. 

 

“I just… just love the attire Dad” She replied, the smug look never leaving her face.

 

He looked down at his outfit - his nikes, his adidas shorts and grey puma singlet. It was a daggy outfit, but pretty much all his outfits were when it came to exercise. He didn’t care about looking good for when he went on a jog or to the gym. He looked over at Carter who was dressed up as if she were about to play a professional game. She wore a white jersey which had a few merchandising brands displayed on the front. She had black nike shorts and wore proper cleats on her feet. Her hair was tied back into a ponytail, however a few curls hang loose over her face. She looked as if she were about to go run with Manchester United and not just with her dad at the local park.

 

“Well… who cares more about their appearance now?” Harry retorted, a grin on his face as he finished tying up his laces.

 

Carter shrugged “You gotta look the part to act the part”

 

Harry just grinned and got up from the couch, grabbing his duffle bag off the coffee table. He led Carter through to the carport, and both of them got into the range rover, Harry quickly reversing out before driving down the driveway and up the road to the park. The park wasn’t technically a park, but rather a large field of grass perfect for playing football. Living on the outskirts of everything, meant that there was a lot of land nearby that was free. He knew that eventually, the land would be taken up by another large home or some building of sorts, but he appreciated the time when the area near him was secluded and quiet.

 

Harry parked on the curb by the field and both he and Carter got out of the car. They went to the middle of the field and Harry grabbed out the cones he had packed, bright orange cones that had been sitting in his garage for at least half a decade. He took two for himself and gave two to Carter, the both of them running in opposite directions so that they could create the goals. As Harry walked back, he saw that Carter was already back in the middle, pulling a football out of her bag. She grinned in the distance and immediately threw the ball to him, which he was fortunate enough to catch. He put it down on the soft grass and kicked it forward and just like that, the game had begun.

 

Harry had played football multiple times with Louis, considering the other lad was pretty obsessed with it. They would play at home in London or on tour with the band — they even played a charity match once many years ago. He would like to say he had gotten better at playing because of Louis, which was true in some aspects. He barely tripped over the ball anymore and was able to coordinate his body better. He understood the logistics better and how to score a goal. However, needless to say, no one he knew was ever able to beat Louis at football.

 

Cue, their daughter. Playing with Carter was like playing with a ruthless tyrant. Of course he was kidding, considering his daughter was nothing like a tyrant. But playing football with her… Harry struggled immensely.

 

She was a fast runner and very sly with her feet. One second Harry had the ball and next it was gone within the blink of an eye, Carter already a fair distance away, running and kicking it at the same time. She was a trickster, able to divert Harry’s attention long enough for him to not see her snatch the ball from him, something she did multiple times. She also had good aim, her shots getting into the goals almost every time. By the time they sat to have some water and snacks that Harry had packed, he wondered if he was going to be able to get up again, his legs were so sore.

 

Carter was sitting comfortably, looking not even the least bit tired. She was chewing on a carrot stick and drinking from her water bottle in even intervals. Howver, despite the fun they had just had, Harry noticed that she seemed almost down, as if she was contemplating something.

 

“Carter? Is something up?” Harry asked, putting his water bottle down so he could pay sole attention to her. He watched as she met his gaze, a cautiousness in her eyes.

 

“No, I’m good” She said with a smile. Though Harry knew that there was more to it.

 

“You sure? You know you can tell me anything, love”

 

The words felt wrong coming out of his mouth as soon as he said them. Of course, he loved Carter and would listen to do anything she had to say, but he knew that it was way too soon for her to trust him. He wondered what Carter thought of their relationship, how she thought of him in her mind. She had called him ‘Dad’ from pretty much the moment he met her, and seemed to be comfortable around him. He knew she knew all about him from Louis, had always known that he was her father. However, they had only just met for the first time ever, and Harry had never knew she existed. He knew it was wrong for him to say that she could tell him anything because she may not be ready to tell him everything about her yet. They were strangers at this point in time, and despite their surprisingly close relationship thus far, trust was something that took ages to build.

 

However, to Harry’s disbelief, Carter responded.

 

“It’s just… look I know you and Pop don’t want to tell me about everything that happened before I was born. I know you have a lot of…. issues that is none of my business to ask about but… Zayn mentioned that you didn’t want to talk about your relationship with the public and how you were… you were uncomfortable? I guess? With your sexuality. And I’m not mad or anything but I just… I just want to know why?”

 

He wasn’t surprised about Carter’s curiosity, considering he had discovered that Louis never told Carter any stories relating to the downfall of their relationship. He knew that she wanted answers about how she was brought into this world, answers about her parents’ past. Most of them Harry couldn’t answer, without feeling the guilt that clenched around his heart when he thought about everything he caused. He was mad at Zayn for mentioning this to Carter, knowing full well that it was something Harry hated talking about, even to this day. But he knew this was important to his daughter, and he wanted to move forward with their relationship. He wanted to get to know his daughter and for his daughter to trust him, and the only way to do that was to let the cracks show a little.

 

“I grew up in a small town, so small that pretty much everybody knew everybody. Doncaster is about thirty times the size in population compared to Holmes Chapel, so growing up was a different experience for me then others. The people I went to primary school with were the people I went to high school with, the neighbours I lived with were the neighbours I had pretty much known my whole life. I worked at a bakery with some lovely ladies, and they had known me since I was a baby, when my parents first moved to Holmes Chapel. So, it was safe to say that in a town like that, news gets around fast.

 

“I realised I was… attracted to men as well as girls when I was just an early teen and the moment I knew, I was too scared to say anything. There was a beautiful church in Holmes Chapel called St. Luke’s where Mum, Gemma and I would attend every Sunday. You pretty much saw everyone in that church on a Sunday, considering how small our town was. They never straight up condemned those who were gay, but some of the comments the priests made, the way they judgedthose that looked even slightly flamboyant, made me worried. I was petrified, about what my mum would think and what my sister would think. What my friends would think and what the town would think. So up until X Factor, I didn’t say a word to anyone”

 

The memory of meeting Louis flooded in his head again, and he couldn’t help but smile.

 

“I met your father at bootcamp, which you know. And those feelings all came rushing up again. It was easy to suppress them when all the boys in your town were either dickheads or your friends, so I never had to worry about anyone noticing. But it was hard around your father… he was like a magnet that drew everyone to him. I thought it would go away again, but then we were put in One Direction and soon enough, we were together all the time.

 

“We ended up dating towards the end of X Factor and soon I knew I had to come out to the closet. The thought scared me, so I was honestly relieved that when we told management first, they said for us to keep it a secret from everyone, disregarding our friends and family of course —“

 

“Wait your management wanted to keep it a secret?” Carter questioned “I thought it was just you and Pop”

 

Harry grimaced slightly “Well… no… not exactly. At first it was because management told us to, which was something I was glad about. I was so insecure about my sexuality that I could barely tell my parents and Gemma, who were all so wonderfully supportive. The boys were too, and pretty much everyone that knew. And for a while I seemed to be feeling better about myself, especially feeling secure in a relationship with your pop. It took a while for me to even hold your pop’s hand around the other boys and to invite him to have dinner with me and my family. Though it took a while, I slowly became more confident with who I was and more comfortable, thanks to One Direction and all the fans. Though as our relationship became more popular as a fan theory, around 2012, it soon came apparent that as much as their was support, there was also a lot of hate.

 

“Whether our relationship was real or not ended up being the biggest debate amongst the fans, they would fight constantly and say harsh words to one another. Some fans just didn’t believe, whereas there were a few among them that were homophobic to the point where they would say they wouldn’t support us if we were and I quote ‘fags’. I started getting too invested in the hate comments, ignoring the good ones and opting for the negative. There were comments about how gay people should be condemned and how we would lose sales if we were gay. Parents were commenting how they wouldn’t take their children to see queers, how they wouldn’t expose them to that lifestyle. I read them almost everyday and soon I became nervous again to come out. Mid 2013, management told us it would be a good idea to come out, as the fanbase for our relationship was far greater then those against. Your pop was on board but I was so anxious about it, thinking about all those comments, so I ended up asking him if we could continue to keep it a secret”

 

Carter didn’t say a word, so Harry continued.

 

“Your pop had known he was gay for a while, and had came out to his family and friends before he auditioned. He wasn’t afraid to come out to the public, and would of done it if the producers hadn’t asked him to keep from saying anything until the show had finished airing. Considering being gay was still a pretty big taboo back then, despite the obvious advances in male pregnancy and equality. So he never said anything and instead begun dating me. So when we kept our dating a secret from the world, so did we with our sexuality. So when we were allowed to come out, he had been ready for a while, whereas I wasn’t. So we kept it a secret for the rest of the time, and so many times your father begged me but every time I refused and hid deeper and deeper within myself. I was so confident in interviews and on stage but in reality, I was petrified because I didn’t know how to be myself and be the person people wanted me to be. In the end that worry, that fear pretty much drove me insane. I… I did a lot of bad things Carter, things that I’m still ashamed of. And I can only think that if I came out, if I didn’t give in, then maybe things would be different. I could of actually been a Dad to you growing up, instead of us just trying to build one now, many years later”

 

He could tell he was becoming upset so he stopped, taking a few deep breaths. Carter didn’t speak for a while, but when he dared to look up at her, he saw the reflective look over her face. They were silent for a few moments, before Carter finally decided to reply to her dad’s speech.

 

“Aunt Phoebe had to study a semester of Philosophy at university” Carter began “And there was this theory in Philosophy that every event in the universe, more specifically human nature, is either predetermined or free choice. It’s the belief that either everything that is happening was already determined billions of years ago, or that the choices we make alter whatever way our future is going to go. I researched into it after she told me because… um… it just stuck with me I guess? You see, I believe in both. I believe in things such as fate and destiny, I believe that people are predetermined to meet, such as you and Pop. I believe you guys were meant to meet, so that I could be born. However, I also believe in free choice, such as the bad decisions we make day to day that form consequences and impact on the ones we love. I believe in free choice in how decisions we make can effect others lives forever. I think Dad… that you made a lot of mistakes years ago, choices that hurt yourself and Pop and a lot of other people, however I think that led to Pop making the choice to leave with me and raise me away from the spotlight. 

 

“And it’s funny cause my whole life, and especially being here now, I think about what could of happened it you and Pop made different decisions. Any little one of your decisions could of impacted on my future, I could of been younger or older, I may have not even existed today. I may have grown up with you and Pop here in London and always known what it was to be in the limelight. Pop may have never left you and it may have led to a lot more problems, and me growing up with unhappy parents. It may have led to me having the happiest parents. It may and probably would of led to Adelaide never being born. We can always wonder the what if’s and think about the bad decisions we make, yet sometimes, those decisions don’t only hurt others but help them. Sometimes hurting someone gives them strength, sometimes hurting someone gives them courage. Dad, as much as I hate to say this, I feel like your decisions and Pop leaving you, were good for me in the end. I’ve had a happy life, I’ve had a normal life. As much as a part of me always wanted you around growing up, I feel that meeting you now is the best thing for us. It may have been predetermined or it may have been a series of choices that led us to here but… I think moving forward we can have a better relationship then we may have ever had if I grew up with you. Do you…. do you get what I mean?”

 

Harry did understand what she meant and he was surprised with how well Carter explained it. Ever since he found out about her existence, that he had a daughter he had never known about, all he could do was blame himself. It had been this deep gut feeling, and the reason he was so hesitant to open up to her. He knew Carter loved him, but he didn’t want her to in a way, because she loved a guy that he wasn’t. Louis left with Carter, because he was _afraid_ of Harry, because he was afraid that Harry would not only hurt him, but their daughter. In fact, he would barely say a word to Harry when they did see each other again. He didn’t realise until that moment that he had been too focused on the what if’s, too focused on his mistakes that somehow he had extended his guilt to Carter. He was afraid to touch her and afraid to be close with her, because he was afraid he’d hurt her. And although Carter may have not realised it to the fullest extent, Harry knew that she knew his guilt was distancing them.

 

“Dad… I don’t care what happened okay? I haven’t cared my whole life. Ofcourse I hated seeing Pop unhappy and I knew that you were to blame for that but… all my life I have wanted to meet you. I know we’re strangers, I know we have barely known each other for a few days but… but I love you? I love you because you’re my dad, whether you raised me or not. And I know you aren’t evil and I know you are sorry, you just said that. It takes a lot of courage Dad to ask for forgiveness for the things you did wrong and… I forgive you, okay? I just want to get to know you, get to know my dad. And it’s gonna take weeks, months, even years but it can’t start out like this. You tiptoeing around me, scared I’m going to turn my back on you. Because I won’t, because I came here with a goal and it was to meet my dad and now that I have met you… I don’t want to ever want to leave you again”

 

That was all it took for Harry to reach forward and envelop his daughter into a hug, holding her close to his chest. The walls he’d built between them came crumbling down slowly, and he realised that he didn’t want to be scared anymore. He still felt the guilt and still felt awful about what happened, but if there was one thing he could do to make it right, it would be to get to know his daughter. They may be estranged, they may technically be strangers, but he was going to change that. While he had the chance.

 

So football became long forgotten and instead, Harry spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on the grass, exchanging stories with Carter about their lives. And when he would look back on this moment in years to come, he’d realise that this was one of those defining memories of his. The memories that altered how his life would be afterwards, a moment that changed his life forever. It was because of that, that Harry was able to have a relationship with his daughter, and was able to be her dad, be a part of her life. 

 

Like Carter had said, sometimes it takes one choice. One decision to impact on everything. He was glad that this one decision, to open up to his daughter, finally ended up impacting on his life positively.

 

 

 

Harry waved goodbye to Carter, as she ran down the driveway to meet her Pop. They had spent the whole afternoon talking, something Harry hadn’t done in many, _many_ years. Pretty much everything about Carter resembled her Pop, but it was especially her personality. She was so warm and inviting, an open book about everything. She talked for most of their time together, telling so many different stories about her childhood. She talked about her aunties and her grandfathers, her dad and her best friend. She talked about her interests, how she loved footy and reading. How she couldn’t sing for shit, despite both her parents being quite talented. How she kicked ass in FIFA. She also had this natural humour, that got Harry laughing a few times. He had been concerned with how quick she had accepted him as her dad, considering they had barely known each other for long. But he realised that Carter was friendly and an optimist, and she saw the good in pretty much everyone.

 

Harry ended up telling stories about his life with Adelaide. About his job, his hobbies. He knew that Carter was interested in listening to him. She listened attentively and rarely interrupted. He knew that she wanted to get to know him so it was only fair he told her all he could. Slowly but surely he became more friendly and less hesitant to tell her things. It was truly a nice afternoon, and although they left a little sunburnt, it was worth it. As they hugged goodbye, there was no more tension from Harry’s part. It seemed as if their whole dynamic had changed and a lot of the underlying issues had now gone. They both knew they had a long road ahead of them, but they were prepared to work on it.

 

However, the process of them moving forward was halted by one person, which surprisingly was not Louis. As Harry shut the front door, he realised he needed to talk to Adelaide, as she was a vital part of everything going on. Ever since Carter showed up on Sunday, she had been nothing but resentful over it. It was obvious she disliked Carter or at least the idea of Carter. Harry had no idea why she didn’t want a sister or wasn’t even friendly to the idea. Harry figured he couldn’t understand, as he had a sister his whole life and loved her to bits, whereas Adelaide had never experienced that. So he figured, it was time to talk to her about it.

 

He walked up the stairs and over to Adelaide’s room, hoping that she was home and hadn’t gone to Maia’s. As soon as he got closer, he heard the soft sounds of music coming through the walls of her room, symbolising that she was in there. So he knocked, and when he heard the quiet come in, he walked inside. 

 

Addy was lying on her stomach on her bed, laptop in front of her, typing something at a rapid pace. Her laptop, a MacBook, was rose gold which happened to be Adelaide’s favourite colour. A lot of things in her room were rose gold; her bed frame, her phone, her water bottle, her desk chair and her speakers which was where the music was currently playing from. She was pretty much the stereotypical girl, despite Harry having never placed gender norms on her. She had always been allowed the free will to choose what she wanted to wear, play with etc. and it just so happened that she chose dolls and dresses. Not that Harry minded either way, he had just always wanted her to have a choice.

 

She looked up from her computer and raised an eyebrow at Harry “Yes?”

 

Harry shut the door behind him and scowled over at his daughter “Adelaide. Attitude”

 

The thirteen year old ignored it and sat up in her bed, looking at her dad with a bored expression “Why are you here Dad? I’m currently in the middle of a conversation with Josh”

 

“Whose Josh?” Harry asked. He wasn’t a crazy over protective parent, he didn’t need to know all about the boys in her life and try keep her from them. But he always made it a rule that Adelaide was to tell him about her friends, who she was talking to and where they were from. Harry had met his fair share of creeps throughout his life, and wanted to make sure that his daughter was staying safe on the internet.

 

“No one. Just a boy from school” Adelaide replied with a wave of her hand “You haven’t answered my question”

 

Harry crossed his arms “If you must know, I’m here to talk about your behaviour. I want to know what has been going on with you lately”

 

Adelaide raised an eyebrow “I don’t know what you are talking about”

 

Harry’s eyes darkened “Don't play dumb with me Adelaide Adair Styles. You know exactly what I’m talking about”

 

Addy glared at her father “Are you talking about the other day? At Uncle Zayn’s? I’m sorry I… _overreacted_ as you’d call it, but I don’t think I should apologise for it. I feel it was only a fair reaction considering the amount of fake people I’ve known. Remember Casey, Dad? My best friend in Year 3? Remember how she was only my friend because her mum wanted to date you? Cause I remember.”

 

“It wasn’t just an overreaction Adelaide. Zayn told me about some of the things you said, and I’m appalled you would use that language, _ever_. And it wasn’t just then Adelaide, it’s been the past few days. You know for a fact that Carter is your sister and she was trying to make the effort, especially at dinner the other night. She was asking you about school and your life and the whole time you didn’t even acknowledge her. You know how embarrassed I felt at that point? How upset I was? Adelaide, this isn’t the daughter I raised”

 

“Yeah? And neither is _she_ ” Adelaide spat, looking up at Harry with a fire in her eyes “I’m the daughter you raised! And yet the past few days all you have been doing is focusing on her, your other _perfect_ daughter who you had with a man that left your band! He just left and raised her without you and suddenly she’s here and it’s all _fine_?”

 

“I’ve been focusing on Carter because I’ve only just met her Adelaide” Harry argued back “And of course there are a lot of issues to solve, but none of that is Carter’s fault. Carter came looking for me because she wants to get to know me, since she's never known me her whole life. I think it’s only fair I get to spend my time with her”

 

“How do you know she’s even your daughter? I know you haven’t gotten a paternity test” Adelaide retorted, a harsh edge to her voice “Dad, I didn’t even know you were gay! Or bisexual or whatever. Did you even have a proper relationship with him? Or are you sure he didn’t sleep with someone else and just say she was yours! I wouldn’t put it past him to sleep with someone else, he seems like the traitor type considering he just up and left the band in the middle of the tour without letting you know, I mean want kind of heartless jerk decides to -“

 

“ADELAIDE, THAT’S ENOUGH” Harry roared, scaring both himself and Adelaide into silence. He had raised his voice one time or another, but he never really made it a habit. He didn’t like yelling and felt it was ineffective in most situations when it came to parenting. But all the times he had yelled at Adelaide, it was never nearly as angrily or as loud as he had just done. He didn’t know where it came from, but hearing the words his daughter spoke cut a hole right through his heart. Adelaide obviously didn’t know the real story behind Louis, and his departure from the band. Hell, Harry didn’t even know all of it. But the fact that she had such a negative opinion of him, despite the fact it had been all Harry’s fault in the first place, broke his heart. But the fact he raised his voice like that… he hadn’t done that for years, not since One Direction. 

 

“Addy, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to raise my voice” Harry murmured, his heart clenching as he saw his daughter’s frightened face “Gosh it’s just… look everything that happened with the band was my fault and I don’t want you blaming Louis when none of it was his fault. It was my fault he left and why he raised Carter away from me and because of him leaving, I ended up becoming a better person for it. And Adelaide, Louis never cheated… _I_ did. You have to understand baby girl that I wasn’t the person I am now. I made a lot of bad decisions when I was younger and in the end, a lot of people paid the price for it, including Carter. I want to get to know her because she is my daughter and I want to get to know her since I never got to whilst she grew up. And I want you to be nice to her, because whether you like it or not she is your sister. I just don’t get why you have been like this Addy? You are a lovely girl but lately I’m just… I’m just disappointed in you”

 

He watched as Adelaide was silent for a few moments, before she burst into tears, her hands covering her face as she cried. Harry immediately rushed over, pulling his daughter into his arms, holding her as she cried. She cried for a few moments before pulling away from him and attempting to wipe her eyes, but instead smudging her eye make up all over face.

 

“I just don’t want to lose you too, Dad” She whispered “I’m scared I’m going to lose you too”

 

And suddenly, Adelaide's behaviour started to make sense.

 

After two sessions with the therapist whens she was ten years old, Adelaide was diagnosed with traumatic mutism. The therapist stated that losing her mum so suddenly was a psychological trauma on young Addy’s mind. She became scared to trust people, let people into her life in case they would die just like her mother. She was scared that everyone around her could die at any moment, and ended up being scared to talk and be around her friends and family. It was why she wouldn’t talk to anyone, but only a few words to Harry and it was why she would cling to Harry like a lifeline. After she began to get better, and began talking to everyone again, it wasn’t long before Harry stopped the therapy, thinking now that she could talk, she was fine.

 

But he shouldn’t have been so naive, because he realised here in this moment that Adelaide wasn’t fine. She hadn’t been this whole time. She was still a ten year old girl inside, who had lost her mother suddenly to cancer. He hadn’t noticed it over the past few years, because his attention had been solely on her. He spoilt her and let her get away with everything because he was so glad she was all right. Though she wasn’t, but it was easy for her to ignore during that time. Though he had been busy these past few months with a big contract and workload, which he suddenly realised was when Addy started to become a bit different. He remember it was only a week after he started working more that Zayn had told him about Adelaide giving him attitude. 

 

And now with Carter, Adelaide was hanging on by a thin thread. He knew that it didn’t excuse her actions, because pretty much all her bad behaviour was a conscious thought. But the underlying feelings? The hurt and pain in her gut that fuelled her behaviour? Harry realised that she might of not even known why she was doing it. He realised he may have never been there for Carter but at the same time, he wasn’t there for Adelaide, at least not the past few years. He’d been too ignorant, too happy that his daughter was talking to realise that getting better is a long process and just that one small milestone, didn't mean she was healed. 

 

“You’re not going to lose me Adelaide” Harry said firmly, looking his daughter in the eye “I can’t promise you that I won’t die, because we all die one day. But I can promise you that you won’t lose me to Carter. I love both of you okay? I know I only met her a few days ago but she is going to be a part of my life whether you like it or not. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. She’s your sister Addy and I’m not expecting to warm up to it straight away, I’m not expecting you guys to get along straight away. But can you at least try with her? Be nice, talk to her, answer her questions. Do it for me at least? You’ll be surprised… you might actually like her”

 

Adelaide sat still for a few moments, her face expressionless as she thought it over. In the end, she forced a small smile and promised Harry that she would try.

 

“Thank you” He breathed in relief, pulling his daughter into his side and kissing her forehead “And what do you say that next week, we look into getting you to see a therapist again?”

 

He was expecting her to put up a fuss, but instead Adelaide just nodded, her smile growing slightly brighter.

 

“I’d like that Dad.. I really would”

 

So when Harry would look back on this day in years to come, he wouldn’t only remember the memory of Carter and how he finally began to form a relationship with his estranged daughter but he’d look back on this memory of him and Adelaide, and realise that moment within itself was a defining point in his life also.

 

It was him realising how to be a dad again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two notes from me today:
> 
> A) I am sorry for updating SUPER late this time around. Unfortunately I fell into this hole… I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced it? It’s called the “I got stuck reading a fan fiction and didn’t want to do anything else but read it”. Any of you heard of it? Anyways I spent the last few days studying (meaning I am actually going to uni pretty much everyday), working and reading Collusion by itjustkindahappened. My friend sent me it and I was so into it I didn’t even realise who the author was, and that she wrote one of my favourite larry fics: i know you have a heavy heart (i can feel it when we kiss). So if you haven’t read either of those, highly recommend.
> 
> B) As you can see, I am officially off anonymous. I could promise you that this being late thing will only happen the once, but that would be an absolute lie so I need a way of communicating my update schedule so twitter and tumblr it is! And for that, you need to know who I am so…
> 
> Introductions I guess: The J stands for Jess. I’m 19, Taurus and don’t enjoy long walks on the beach (sand and exercise? ew). I love music, reading, writing and Supernatural. I also love the lot of you for your support so far. It’s really been a dream.
> 
> I look forward to seeing you at the next chapter. I will keep you updated on Tumblr (btw, I already followed one of you on tumblr… you’ll realise who you are now and I promise I wasn’t stalking you.. you just came up on my recommended and I was like ‘i know this girl… FOLLOW') and Twitter. Don’t hesitate to send me a message or an ask! I promise I love to chat (unless you meet me in the real world, cause I am seriously awkward as fuck… good thing we have the internet amirite?)
> 
> Anyways, see you in a couple of days (hopefully… probably)
> 
> Sorry for this hell long authors note,
> 
> \- J(ess)
> 
> TUMBLR: ilovetodreamx  
> TWITTER: thatpeculiarone


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter dedicated to @rawrharry. Thanks for all your support xx

**PART ll: RE-EXPERIENCE (CONTINUED)**

 

 

**& C  &**

 

 

Mary’s Milkshakes was a cafe in Doncaster. It sat on the corner of an intersection in the town centre, and was one of Carter’s favourite places in the world. She always went there during the week, either with her pop or with one of her relatives, most commonly Dee. It was a place she felt that she had belonged and a place she felt that she was safe. Everyone who worked there knew her by name, and knew who she was. Mary, the owner, had known her pop since he was only three, when Nana Jay had brought him to the cafe a week after it’s opening. So, Carter never had to pretend she was someone she wasn’t. There she could be Carter Tomlinson and not have to worry about word getting out to everyone. It was the one bit of solace she had in her very private, reserved life. 

 

So when she was fourteen and Mary died, leaving the shop to be closed, it hit Carter pretty hard.

 

Maybe it was just because she loved the place so much, but she always thought the milkshakes there were the best in the world. Her pop and her always loved milkshakes, so after the closing of Mary’s, they travelled all over trying shake after shake. Her pop seemed to like a particular diner in Brighton, but in Carter’s mind, _nothing_ compared to Mary’s and nothing ever would.

 

That’s what she tried to tell Teddy when he suggested they meet at his favourite milkshake parlour. It was Sunday, officially marking a week since Carter had made the journey to London, where she had met her dad and uncles for the first time. The week had gone by in a blur, a blur of new, unfamiliar faces and memories that she would never forget. The week had gone so fast, yet, at the same time, the previous Sunday had felt like millenniums ago. It hadn’t felt like she had met Teddy only six days prior. That night at his house she could barely recall.

 

She had made plans earlier in the week to meet up with Teddy and he had wanted her to meet at his favourite place - the milkshake parlour. So, that morning at quarter to ten, her pop dropped her off out front, promising to come pick her up from there right on two. She knew her pop was concerned, since he rarely let her go off independently. Doncaster they felt safe in, it was where her pop had grown up as well as she, so there was never any stress on him. Though London was a big city, one that Carter had rarely gone to, so she wasn’t surprised that her dad was hesitant. Though he seemed to be calmer when he saw that Teddy was already waiting, the same Teddy that had lived in London his whole life.

 

Her dad had only driven off just ten minutes earlier and now she was sitting at a table with Teddy, the both of them waiting for their orders. Teddy loved chocolate milkshakes whereas Carter’s guilty pleasure was banana. Teddy couldn’t understand why she loved banana, but all Carter could reply was that it was the best flavour in existence. They argued over their milkshake flavours until the woman brought over the frothy drinks to them. Judging by the reserved expression on the waitress' face, Carter could only assume that she knew who Teddy was. Something that wasn’t surprising judging by who his parents are.

 

“So…” Teddy began to say after he took a first big sip of his milkshake “You wanted my help?”

 

Carter took a sip of her milkshake as she thought about what to say, how to explain everything without sounding crazy or obsessed or overdramatic. Her thoughts were so jumbled nowadays that she had a hard time keeping up with herself, let alone trying to explain that to someone else. 

 

“Well first off, the milkshake is good. _But_ it doesn’t beat Mary’s, not but a mile. Sorry mate. Secondly, the reason I wanted your help was… I just… I need help with my parents”

 

Teddy raised an eyebrow “Your parents? You mean the two people who haven’t seen each other in several years and now won’t talk to each other?”

 

Carter rolled her eyes “Yes… _them_ ”

 

“Well what do you want help with? Do you want to get them back together?”

 

Carter’s eyes widened “No! As much as I would love my parents to be together, God that would be such a train wreck. I can’t even picture it at this point. No I just… look I know it’s only been a week which is pretty much nothing compared to seventeen years of no contact but… I just want them to communicate you know? They’ve barely said a word to each other and there doesn't seem like there is an attempt to. Pop only drops me off outside of Dad’s house, and Dad doesn’t attempt to make contact with Pop. I just want help… I don’t know… finding out where it went wrong? What happened between them? Of course they won’t tell me and Zayn only told me a little bit. Do you think you could ask your dad? Would he tell you about it”

 

“I’d say not” Teddy replied “Dad mentioned a little bit about your parents, after he found out that you existed, but pretty much the bare minimum. He barely mentioned anything about your pop the whole time I was growing up, just that they had another band member that they haven’t seen in a while. That was it”

 

Carter sighed and took another sip of her milkshake. She knew it was probably a mistake asking Teddy. Teddy was lovely and a great guy, but they barely knew each other. It seemed foolish that she would ask him for help on something this big and this foreign to him. She looked up at Teddy to see him looking back at her, a thoughtful look on his face. 

 

“What?” She questioned.

 

“What do you know about your parents relationship?” He asked.

 

“Only little bits of what Pop has told me. Just a few memories here and there” 

 

“Well have you ever read a biography on them?” He asked.

 

“No… I mean I know they had autobiographies, Pop had them on his study shelf. But he didn’t let me read them, but sometimes he would read an excerpt or two… why?”

 

“Well they had autobiographies but they also had just plain biographies written by various people all over the world. I’ve seen a few individual ones for Uncle Niall and Zayn, along with Dad. Whose to say there isn’t one for your pop? Or your dad? I mean they aren’t official and obviously they won’t know everything but whose to say they won’t help you piece somethings together?”

 

Carter had never thought of that. She had never read the auto biographies her pop had kept, because she had never considered that they’d be much help. They were usually about their experiences and just their thoughts on the whole process. But whose to say they didn’t mention a memory here or there? She’d also never considered there were unofficial biographies out there, ones told by strangers who were looking from the outside in, trying to piece together the story of the band members themselves. It was seriously a good idea.

 

“I guess I’ll have a look into books when I get back… try see if I can find some stuff online” Carter thought. There was no way she was going to be able to buy one without her pop knowing.

 

Teddy shook his head “Nonsense. Look, we’re already here so we’re going to enjoy a day in London. You were only telling me the other night that you missed all the tourist attractions - the London Eye, Big Ben. Let’s go do all that and then we’ll catch the tube to my local library and we’ll see what we can find there. Will your pop let you on the tube? Do you have an oyster card?”

 

“Yes but you don’t have - “ Carter began to say, but Teddy shushed her.

 

“Look, I know we don’t know each other like at all but… we’re family now okay? And as you could probably tell from the other night, we’re all pretty close. So I want to get to know you, which means you are gonna be stuck with me for the rest of today. Dad said he doesn’t know how long you’ll be in London for so… I guess we gotta make the most of it?”

 

Carter couldn’t help but smile at his words “I guess we do”

 

They were quick to finish their milkshakes and head out the door towards the London Eye. Carter had explained to Teddy that she had already seen all the tourist attractions of London, considering her pop would always take her. However, she had never been on the London Eye, _ever_. Her pop was always very paranoid, and worried about who would see him, and whether they would see him with Carter. He was so protective over her that he hadn’t wanted to do things that would draw to their attention, such as go on the London Eye. However, now that it was just her and Teddy, he was more then keen to go on it with her. 

 

The London Eye was a ten minute walk from the cafe, during which the two of them spent talking about football. Teddy wasn’t as big as a fanatic, in fact he much preferred talking about art and history to footy, however his dad loved it so he usually saw every match that was on the television. Teddy did enjoy FIFA though, so it was a good topic for them to discuss until they got to the attraction.

 

This part of London was always so busy with people. There were people of all colours, shapes, sizes. Different nationalities, gender, ages. They were everywhere, hustling and bustling around, enjoying one of the warmest days that England had to offer. There were a lot of tourists, a few of which Carter pinpointed as American. Teddy explained that most of the time, Americans and Europeans visited in the summer, whereas you would see a lot of Australians during the winter, considering that was their summer down under.

 

They lined up for the ride, and when they were about fifteen people to the front, Teddy was recognised.

 

“Excuse me?” A woman said (whose accent was obviously British) approaching Teddy. Teddy looked at her and gave her one of his charming grins.

 

“Yes?” He asked politely.

 

“I was wondering… are you Teddy Payne? Liam Payne’s son?”

 

“Yes that’s me. Pleasure to meet you” He spoke and Carter couldn’t help but realise how professional he sounded. 

 

“Oh it’s so nice to meet you! I was such a fan of your father when I was younger, and of course the band. I never met your father at all which was a shame but I was wondering… would it be okay for me to get a picture?”

 

“Yeah no worries” Teddy replied and the woman pulled out her phone, turning to Carter.

 

“Um, would you be able to please take the photo?” She asked as sweetly as possible. Carter reassured her it would be no trouble.

 

She took a couple of pictures of the two of them before giving the phone back to the older woman. The woman thanked them before heading back over to the group she was with. Teddy leant in to whisper in Carter’s ear.

 

“Imagine if she ever realises who you actually were” He murmured “Meeting the offspring of two ex One Direction members? She would be kicking herself”

 

Carter couldn’t help but laugh.

 

 

They were let on the London Eye, and Carter spent half the trip taking as many pictures as possible and gawking over the view. For home schooling, she once had to do an assignment on London tourist attractions, after her teacher got sick of her just talking about London. She had put pictures in, including the view from the London Eye when you reached the top, a picture she had found on the internet. She realised that the picture didn’t do it justice as seeing it from her very own eyes was more magical than ever. 

 

Teddy talked about the history of the area on the ride up, as facts about the past was pretty much the language he spoke. Although she already knew a lot of the history, she still listened intrigued as Teddy spouted every bit of knowledge he could about London. Some facts Carter had never heard before, such as:

 

_“Did you know that was a Soviet spy called Jacob Kirchenstein from the 1920’s? He wanted to get intel on the British military so he pretended to be a shipping agent and stayed at The Savoy. It’s only a few blocks from here on Strand”_

 

_“Do you know that there is a pub in Leadenhall Market called Old Tom’s that is named after a goose?”_

 

_“Did you know that Big Ben has been around through the reign of six monarchs?”_

 

Needless to say, Carter found his facts quite interesting.

 

Once they reached the top, the two of them isolated themselves to the corner, away from the other people in the capsule with them. Luckily, no one was really paying them attention. The was a few teenage girls, a family from America, an Italian mother and daughter and a Japanese couple. The two of them sat by themselves and began to make conversation about each other, more specifically, about what life was like for them growing up.

 

“What was it like to grow up with famous parents?” Carter asked quietly as the capsule started to slowly descend back down to London.

 

“Well, as a baby and toddler, no one really saw much of me” Teddy explained “Dad travelled a lot for his solo career, so Mum stayed home to raise me. They only posted a picture of me here and there, but never my face. They tried to keep me as private as possible. But once I started going to school, they knew there was no way they could keep me out of the public eye. I mean, I was lucky because the kids I went to school with didn’t know who my parents were, so to them I was just Bear or Teddy. And when they finally started to realise it, they already knew who I truly was, so there was no need for them to change their perspective of me. So in that case, I was lucky.

 

“It was hard though because once I was out in the open, the press tried to update people on my life. I mean I eventually have learnt to deal with it, it’s just a part of life for me, but… sometimes you want some things to stay private. Plus, it doesn’t help that they wouldn’t treat me as a person, but rather an object of my parents. ‘Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne’s son or Liam Payne and Cheryl Cole’s child’. I am always related back to my parents which isn’t the worst thing, I know… I mean I love my mum and dad but… at the same time I’m different from them you know? I’m my own person”

 

Carter had no idea how any of that felt. It was what her pop had tried to keep her away from. To everyone she knew; she was Carter. She wasn't Louis Tomlinson’s daughter or Harry Styles’ daughter. She was just Carter and that’s the way she liked it. She felt bad for Teddy because she would hate to have a spotlight shown on her constantly. She would hate to have some news article writing about her every detail, such as: _Carter Tomlinson spotted shopping at Primark!_ _Carter Tomlinson out in London! Carter Tomlinson taking out the rubbish!_

 

She couldn’t imagine how trapped Teddy felt.

 

“What about you?” Teddy asked, turning the conversation away from him “What was it like growing up for you?”

 

Carter shrugged “Pretty simple in comparison. It was just Pop and me at home; we lived in this small secluded neighbourhood in Doncaster. Sort of like your house but the house itself was a bit bigger whereas the backyard was quite small, just a bit of grass to play footy on. I was homeschooled from the age of six. I went to kindergarten and hated it, so Pop just hired tutors to come in and work with me. I used to see my relatives a lot. My pop has five sisters and a brother. The oldest is Lottie, she’s married and has a daughter. Then there’s Fizzy, who is also married. Both of them live here in London, Fizzy not too far from here actually. Daisy and Phoebe are twins and both live in Manchester. Phoebe is in a share house with some mates, whereas Daisy lives alone with her daughter. The last is another set of twins, Ernie and Dee. They are technically my aunt and uncle but we’re only two years apart so we’re more like cousins. Dee is pretty much my best friend, she was the one that helped me come here to London”

 

Teddy’s eyes were wide “Wow, that’s a lot of relatives. I mean I have two aunts on my dad’s side and three uncles and an aunt on Mum’s side. Sophia also has a sister who I call my aunt”

 

“Well all of Pop’s siblings are his half siblings” Carter explained “Pop’s dad left when he was barely even born and a few years later, my nana Jay met my grandad Mark. Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe are all grandad Mark’s kids. Grandad Mark and Nana Jay got divorced and Nana Jay got remarried to my Grandpa Dan and had the youngest twins. Pop mentioned he also had another half sibling from his dad’s side, but they became estranged so he hasn’t seen her for many years. He stopped talking to them long before he left the band apparently”

 

“Your family is so big” Teddy laughed “But that sounds awesome. I mean was it weird growing up with just a dad? And knowing that you had two fathers instead of a mum and dad? Not trying to be rude here because both of your fathers are fantastic it’s just… I could never imagine growing up without a mum”

 

Carter didn’t really need to think about it.

 

“Not really. I mean, it’s kind of one of those things where… I never knew any different? Like I didn’t spend my whole life wishing for a mum because I had Pop and that was all I needed. I mean I did spend years wishing to meet my dad, but I never wished that Pop were a woman or Dad was so that I could have a mother. No one needs a mother in their life, if they have someone that is always there for them. I had Pop of course, but I also had all my aunties, Dee, Ernie, my grandfathers, their spouses. I was never in the need for a mother cause I had so many people there for me? And I never knew what it was like to have a mum so I never really… wanted one? Does that make sense?”

 

Teddy nodded with a small smile “Yeah… that makes complete sense”

 

The capsule made it to the ground with no issues and the group were quick to get off it. Carter felt a small twinge of sadness cause she already missed the view from the top. Teddy just laughed at her and guaranteed her that she would see it again. 

 

They walked to the nearest tube station, which wasn’t too far considering they were at one of the main points in London. During this time Carter was sure to let her pop know what was happening and reassure him that Teddy knew where they were going. Carter pretty much followed Teddy, since she had rarely been on the tube, only about once or twice in her life. He led her through the gates, the both of them swiping their oyster cards (Carter thanked the Lord that her pop had updated hers only the previous night, just in case of emergencies) before jumping on the tube labelled ‘Jubilee Line’.

 

It departed the station not long after that and the both of them spent the trip talking some more. Teddy talked a lot about what life was like going to school, about different types of art and a lot about his siblings. Carter had only spent minimal time with both Rhys and Ruby, but from what she could tell they were both wonderful. The talk of siblings ended up getting them on the topic of Adelaide.

 

“So, has she talked to you yet?” Teddy asked, to which Carter shook her head.

 

“No, I mean I haven’t actually seen her since the thing at yours. I’ve went over to Dad’s twice since then and I haven’t seen her once so…”

 

“She’ll warm up eventually” Teddy said “I mean, I’ve known her her whole life and she hasn’t always been this way. Like I said earlier, I couldn’t imagine not having a mum so it’s hard to imagine what she is going through, losing hers. I think she likes things to remain the way they are. She hates change — she tends to freak out when things become too different. And I guess you coming in flipped her life upside down. I don’t blame you and I’m not giving her excuses because from what I’ve heard she’s been a right twat but… but just give her a chance”

 

Carter pursed her lips but nodded. It wasn’t like she didn't want to give Adelaide a chance because she did. She had never had a sibling before and judging from what Teddy was saying, having a sibling was amazing. Yet, she had tried with Addy, even though they had gotten off on the wrong foot since the first second of encountering each other. She knew what it was like to be moody, hell she was still moody to this day. And she knew it had only been a week but… she always thought first impressions counted. She thought Adelaide was a snobby little brat, and it made her stubborn side refuse to see past it.

 

Another bad trait she received from her pop.

 

After nearly half an hour, they arrived at a station and both got off. Teddy explained that the library was only a few streets away and that it was only about a seven minute drive from his dad’s house. They walked in silence to the library, but not in an awkward, uncomfortable way. It was a familiar quiet, a quiet that only few people Carter knew could understand. She realised that Teddy was a friendly, cheerful guy, but he too was like Carter, enjoyed silence whenever possible. They walked side by side for ten minutes, not saying a word, and Carter enjoyed it.

 

The library was quiet, which wasn’t surprising because it was a Sunday. There were a few people here and there, but pretty much the building was as dead as a doornail. They walked inside and Teddy led her up to the counter, where a young woman sat, typing on the computer. She looked up at them as they approached and smiled.

 

“Welcome, how may I help you?” She greeted.

 

“Hi, we were wondering if you could point us in the direction of biographies? More specifically, ones written about the members of One Direction?” Teddy said.

 

Her eyebrows raised “One Direction? Gosh I haven’t heard about them in years. You researching them or something?”

 

“Yeah” Carter replied. The woman obviously had no idea who Teddy was, so it was best to go with the lie then cause a scene with the truth.

 

“We’re doing a summer course” Teddy continued “Got to research bands of the 2000’s. So we picked One Direction”

 

“Well, I’m sure my mother will say good choice. She was in her twenties when they were around and loved them. She took me to a few concerts when I was little. But here, follow me I’ll show you where to go”

 

The woman got out from her desk and the two of them followed her to the non-fiction section. They walked down a few aisles until they finally reached a small section. The woman indicated to a specific area.

 

“This is any auto-biographies or biographies about One Direction” She explained “We have placed them all in the same section, even if it’s written about individual members”

 

“That’s handy” Teddy said.

 

“Yeah it is” Carter agreed “Thank you so much”

 

The woman smiled and walked away, back to her desk at the front. 

 

“Are you okay here for a few moments? I’m just going to quickly go find the history section. I want to see if they have a book about 17th century art” Teddy asked.

 

Carter nodded so the former quickly dashed off, leaving Carter to sort through a bunch of books about her parents and uncles. She immediately spotted a couple about her dad, which she was quick to get out and one or two on her pop. There were obviously the official autobiographies, along with many unofficial biographies in between. She scanned through them, her eyes glancing over them carelessly, until one made her stop dead in her tracks.

 

The blood drained from her face and she immediately put the books she was carrying down on the floor, so she could use both of her hands to grab out the small book which sat almost hidden on the shelf. She turned the cover to face her, and read the title over and over, excitement and nervousness starting to bubble in her stomach.

 

**The Unofficial Story of Larry Stylinson**

 

Someone had written a story about her parents romance, despite the fact they had never confirmed it.

 

She looked around, trying to see if she could spot Teddy but he was nowhere to be seen. She bit her lip, wondering whether she would wait and read it at home, once her pop had gone to bed. But she couldn’t help it, she needed to see read what was inside, so she immediately opened it and began to read. Skipping through it and reading excerpt after excerpt.

 

 

 

> ** PAGE ONE **
> 
> _So if you weren’t 11 to 20 years old from 2010-2019 or you were, but perhaps living under a rock, then you may have never heard of the band One Direction. One Direction was a boyband, created on the television show X Factor. The band was formed from five boys: Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Harry Styles, who were from the ages of 16-18 at the time. The band was created in 2010 and were a success from the beginning. Despite coming third at the end of X Factor, One Direction ended up selling out arenas & stadiums, touring the world multiple times, releasing platinum singles and in the end, even winning a grammy._
> 
>  
> 
> _So if you never heard of One Direction, or never was even slightly interested unlike mysef, you may have never heard of the term ‘Larry Stylinson’ or in other words: the romantic pairing of one Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles._
> 
>  
> 
> _I was sixteen when I first fell in love with the band. It was in 2012 and they had just released their second album: Take Me Home. I remember discovering them and immediately becoming infatuated with all of them, just like a million others around the rest of the world. The phenomena of teenage heartthrobs is that you can fall in love so easily and immediately think that you are the one for them. You think of scenarios in your head of what it would be like to meet them, try and discover everything you can about them, become so obsessed that you actually feel yourself going mental. It’s a very crazy, stressful lifestyle but in the end, I loved it._
> 
>  
> 
> _It didn’t take me long after becoming a member of the fandom, to realise that there were ships. Now, for all of those who don’t understand what the word ship means (and not in the nautical sense) — ships are the pairing of two different people. You ‘ship’ them together essentially. Now there were a lot of these in the fandom, but none ever as big as Larry Stylinson._
> 
>  
> 
> _A lot of people came to think that Larry Stylinson was fake, because honestly who could blame them? The amount of times that Louis Tomlinson deferred the rumours was staggering. They never confirmed to this day, not even after he left the band back in 2015. Louis dated a girl throughout most of his One Direction days, Harry was rumoured with woman after woman. They even ended up being distant for numerous years. So why on Earth, were they such a big thing?_
> 
>  
> 
> _That’s what I’ve come to detail my friends. You see, this is no ordinary book. No ordinary biography about the highs and lows of One Direction. I want to detail Larry Stylinson in it’s entirety. Dissect everything; the video diaries, the interviews, the social media, the rumours. You see, at first I didn’t believe this phenomena because, like I said who can blame me? The evidence against was almost as staggering as the ‘evidence’ for. With no confirmation, I was pretty much against the idea._
> 
>  
> 
> _Though you can’t deny that something happened, that there was something there. It easy to see in the way they look at each other, the body movements, the small signals that scream ‘hello! we are dating!’. Don’t believe me?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Well allow me to introduce myself._
> 
>  
> 
> _My name is Dr. Alison Harper, PHD in Social Psychology. The theory of Larry Stylinson was my dissertation, and now I have transformed it into a book for you all to enjoy._
> 
>  
> 
> _So sit back, relax, and let’s dive into the world of teenage heartthrobs, bromance shippings and a whole lot of pining._
> 
>  

* * *

 

 

> ** PAGE THREE **
> 
> _So you must be wondering, where did this all begin? Well let me tell you, that I don’t know the whole truth. Wow! Shocker right? I must remind you that in no way do I know these men. I have been to a concert or two (four to be exact). I met Niall once but our conversation really dwindled down to this: ‘can I have a selfie?’, ‘sure’ (but I can’t deny: best conversation of my life). Though in no way have I personally met any of these men I will be discussing. Yet I, plus many others, have pieced together a sort of back story about them._
> 
>  
> 
> _Tomlinson and Styles met in 2010, the date of which is unknown. We know from their referencing that they met in a bathroom (See sources 1 & 2). Now was it love at first sight? Maybe? Yes? Most probably._
> 
>  
> 
> _Their X Factor ‘solo artist’ dream came to an end pretty quickly. After the five choices were announced, the members of One Direction were asked to go home. Though to their luck, they were called back shortly after, and it was announced that they would be putting them into a boyband, so that they could continue on their success altogether. Watching the videos again, you notice how every close Louis and Harry already are. I mean sure, they were all excited. They weren’t going home! Their dreams didn’t have to die in a crushing, soul burning fire! Woo! Though if you look back on the video, you’ll see the way they immediately run into each other’s arms, something you can’t ignore. Why can’t you ignore this? Because why would they be so close, if they only just met?_

 

* * *

 

> **PAGE SEVEN**
> 
> _The video diaries were just the beginning hints of a relationship between Harry and Louis. I want everyone to go back and watch them, find one of the compilations on YouTube and ask yourselves: is this really platonic?_
> 
>  
> 
> _I agree that males can have close friendships, don’t get me wrong. Friendships play an important part to a healthy development, and are crucial for problem solving and the lessening of issues in young adults (Tokuno, 1982). So, yes, I do understand that they could of just had a friendship. The boys in One Direction were all fairly close, calling each other ‘brothers’ on more than one occasion. However, I and many others don’t believe that the chemistry between Tomlinson and Styles was not what you could call ‘just friends’._
> 
>  
> 
> _From the first video diary onwards, the boys pretty much sat side by side. Louis, mostly, would find whatever excuse he could to touch Harry — whether it be to bump shoulders with him or ruffle his hair. The both of them glanced over at each other, numerous times per video, to the point where it became blatantly obvious. Their dialogue was pretty standard, but you could tell some undertones came through. Things such as ‘I would marry you Harry’ were pretty self explanatory but others such as the fact the both of them apparently liked the same girl in the X Factor house made me suspicious. Especially Louis’: ‘I don’t want to say mine yet’. I had a small inkling that maybe he needed to think of one. Why? Well maybe because he did already like someone in the X Factor house but couldn’t/wouldn’t say._

 

* * *

 

> ** PAGE THIRTY FIVE **
> 
>  
> 
> _Matching tattoos._
> 
>  
> 
> _That’s all I can say._
> 
>  
> 
> _Oh really, you want me to explain more?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Well first off, they obviously have matching tattoos. I mean people can try argue me on this until the cows come home but I know I’m right. I’m usually not as arrogant as I am seeming now, but this is just too clear to ignore._
> 
>  
> 
> _The first of the tattoos are the oops and hi. What are the oops and hi, you might ask? Well it’s never been confirmed but it’s been speculated that these are their first words to each other. As mentioned previously, it’s been referenced that they met in the bathrooms at X Factor and as you can see from Source 1, Harry mentioned in a tweet about how they were in the bathroom and there may have been a peeing accident at the urinals. Thus, leaves the words ‘oops’ and ‘hi’. Most commonly referenced is the fact that Louis has the oops and Harry has the hi. So due to speculation, we can uncover that maybe there was an incident and Harry said ‘oops’ and Louis said ‘hi’. Let’s also not ignore that the ‘hi’ was written in Louis’ handwriting (See Source 6)._
> 
>  
> 
> _There were some others that weren’t as obvious, but too coincidental to ignore. Such as the padlock and key (see source 7) and the quotes (see source 8). These tattoos weren’t as clear as say oops and hi, in a way, but they were still very promising. I mean, some of these tattoos seem too random to not have a connection._
> 
>  
> 
> _There was also the anchor and the rope (see source 9) and the rose and the dagger (see source 10). These were personal favourites of mine because they all seemed to have a very personal tie._
> 
>  
> 
> _However the most prominent to me would be the ship and compass._
> 
>  
> 
> _Of course, there are the many quotes about how ships can’t sail if they don’t have a compass. My favourite is by Leonardo da Vinci: “He who loves practice without theory is like the sailor who boards ship without a rudder and compass and never knows where he may cast”. In Los Angeles in 2013, Harry was seen out and about with Taylor Swift — which many believed to be a publicity stunt. Whilst on an outing with the famous pop star, Harry visited the Shamrock Social Club and got his famous ship tattoo (see source 11). Now… it was only the very next day that one Louis Tomlinson got a tattoo, that of a compass. And can you guess where? Well I’ll give you a clue. It’s the very same place that one Harry Styles had just gotten his, not even 24 hours prior._
> 
>  
> 
> _The reason I love these two tattoos is not just because of their meaning, but because… the connection is obvious people! We can dissect all their other tattoos all we want, make coincidental connections to our hearts content, but with the ship and compass? Those are completely obvious. No need for theories or conjectures. The proof is there, through the dates and symbolism. How people still ignore that to this day is beyond me._

 

* * *

 

> ** PAGE ONE HUNDRED AND ONE **
> 
> _We have now reached the final chapter, and you must be wondering: does the story of Louis Tomlinson & Harry Styles have a happy ending? Well sorry to be the bearer of bad news but no: unfortunately, the legend of Larry Stylinson ends quite tragically I’m afraid._
> 
>  
> 
> _On the 23rd of July, 2015 — the day that many One Direction fans were celebrating the five year anniversary of the successful boyband - tragedy struck as the official accounts for the band revealed that Louis Tomlinson had quit. There was an uproar everywhere, chaos erupted as if an Earthquake had hit every ounce of this world. I was nineteen, an adult studying Psychology in University, and I can confirm that I even shed a few tears. There were people crying on the street, on the phone to radio stations, the social media outrage was phenomenal. All that was said was that Louis Tomlinson had left for personal reasons and from then on, no one knew what happened._
> 
>  
> 
> _The biggest theory was that it had to do with his mother, due to the fact that a year and a half later, the Tomlinson-Deakin family came out of the shadows, to say a goodbye to their mother, who passed away in December 2016 from Leukaemia. At the same time, Louis released a single with the one and only Steve Aoki, a single that reached platinum. People didn’t know what this meant… was Louis coming back? Was the band going to reunite from their hiatus? What was happening?!?! But unfortunately, it was only a few days later that Tomlinson went back into hiding and still to this day no one knows what he is doing. Most rumours are that he is in Doncaster, but there have been no sightings of him from a while. Thus, leaving Louis Tomlinson to be as rare a creature as Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster._
> 
>  
> 
> _There were other theories of his disappearance, some relating to the one and only Harry Styles. It wasn’t news that there were issues between both the men, everyone could see the distance between them despite how hard we tried to ignore it. We saw Harry kissing other girls and we could also see Louis do the same. We thought at first that maybe we’d get a coming out, especially after the news broke that Louis Tomlinson broke up with his ‘girlfriend’, Eleanor (see source 20). Though that was not the case and instead, things got terribly worse for us fans._
> 
>  
> 
> _Eye witness accounts of people backstage, saw that around the time Louis left, there was a big fight between Harry and Louis. The insider stated “they were in one of the rooms backstage for a while, a few of us could hear them screaming at each other. We think it got pretty ugly because Styles walked out first, angry and distressed and Tomlinson followed a few minutes later, crying and holding himself’. Others also reported that Tomlinson looked miserable all the time, that he had begun gaining weight, that he had thrown up numerous times. They had all reported it as ‘stress of the tour’ but so many different possible conclusions could be drawn from that._
> 
>  
> 
> _Who knows if the insiders were real? If they were telling the truth?_
> 
>  
> 
> _But all in all, the relationship of Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles was a major story within the One Direction fandom. The countless of fans who spent hours and hours dissecting interviews and videos, researching articles and stories, to writing stories and speculations — is truly astonishing. There is no way we can deny Larry Stylinson ever happened, the proof is too overwhelming, but if it will be ever be confirmed is unlikely._
> 
>  
> 
> _We’ll never know how this couple ended or what happened to Tomlinson after his departure. Though sometimes, the best stories in life are best to remain a mystery._

 

* * *

**_[SOURCES](https://ilovetodreamx.tumblr.com/post/170423072732/sources) _ **

* * *

 

Teddy came over after Carter had read a few excerpts, peaking over her shoulder to see what she was looking at.

 

“The Unofficial Story of Larry Stylinson?” Teddy whispered, confused.

 

“I remember at one point that my pop mentioned this was what the fans called his relationship with my dad. It’s a combination of their two names” Carter explained.

 

“Someone wrote a book about your parents relationship?” Teddy clarified in disbelief.

 

“My parents never came out to the public, but many, _many_ fans caught on. I didn’t know it was this big though” Carter murmured, skimming back through the book.

 

“What does it say? What does it talk about?” Teddy asked as Carter closed the book and looked at him.

 

“Everything”.

 

 

 

She called her pop not too long after that to pick her up, her father offering to drop Teddy home on the way. Whilst they were waiting, Carter collected up the books she wanted to take with her whilst Teddy grabbed some art and history books that he was looking forward to reading. 

 

They went up to the counter and handed her the books, Teddy happily letting Carter borrow the books under his account. After scanning the books through, the librarian (the same one they had met earlier) scanned Teddy’s library card, the account name coming up as PAYNE, TEDDY G. As she handed the books back, the realisation dawned over her face.

 

“Wait… are you -“ She began to say but Teddy interrupted her.

 

“Thanks for your help, but we gotta run. Bye!” He exclaimed, grabbing Carter’s wrist with his free hand and dragging her out of the building. 

 

They ran down the pavement and over to the road, both of them giggling as they stopped.

 

“Oh my gosh, did you see her face?” Carter exclaimed “When she realised who you were… that was hilarious”

 

Teddy just grinned “It happens more then you think. One minute people just see me as a complete stranger and the next they are whipping their heads back and staring at me with their mouths open. It can be super funny at points”

 

Carter took off her backpack and placed the books into it, so that her pop wouldn’t know that she had borrowed books... or that Teddy had borrowed them for her. Teddy kept his in his arms, already beginning to skim one of the giant books about some sort of something. Carter just rolled her eyes and sat down on the curb to wait for her pop. Overall, today had been one of the best days she had experienced in a while. The only friends close to her age growing up were Dee and Ernie. As much as she was close to the both of them, specifically Dee, it was still nice to have someone else. Someone who didn’t share the same blood relations to her, someone who had lived a completely different life. Teddy and her had a similar taste in music (she found out that her uncle Liam had been very specific with what music Teddy listened to, just like her own Pop) and a similar humour. Carter enjoyed bits and pieces of art & history and Teddy enjoyed footy every now and then. They made a good pair, and Carter liked that he was younger. Despite having younger cousins, she was always treated as the baby in the family. It was kind of nice to be the oldest for once.

 

Her pop, who had business in London, didn’t take long to arrive. She jumped into the passenger seat whilst Teddy got into the back, both of them buckling their seat belts before her pop drove out of the car park and towards the Payne residence. 

 

“So, my daughter in a library on a Sunday? Teddy, what have you done to her?” Her pop joked, causing Carter to scoff and Teddy to chuckle.

 

Of course her pop just was just kidding in a sense. He knew that Carter loved to read, and had borrowed many fiction books from the local library in Doncaster. However, Sunday afternoons you would rarely find Carter reading. You would usually find her playing footy in the backyard or FIFA on the playstation. She loved to read when she could but it was obvious that football was her life.

 

“I wanted to get some history books” Teddy said “And Carter was kind enough to offer to come with me”

 

The sinking feeling began to rise. It was the sinking feeling that Carter always got when she lied to her pop. She hated lying to her father, the guilt always tore her up inside. She knew this little lie was nothing major, especially considering the events of the previous week. But she felt guilty, researching him and her dad and their relationship without their knowledge. It felt wrong. Yet she knew she had to do it, for her own sake and sanity. 

 

The car ride to Teddy’s was fortunately painless as Teddy had gone on a spiel about Roman history for the whole time. Her father looked amused the entire car ride, however. Thankfully. They arrived at his house in no time and after a goodbye and thanks, he got out of the car, promising Carter he would text her later. It then left her alone in the Nissan with her pop, as he drove back towards their house, the silence in the car looming between them.

 

“So did you have a good day kiddo?” Her pop asked, glancing over at Carter “Teddy seems like a great lad. Seems like someone you’d get along with”

 

“Yeah, he’s pretty awesome” Carter agreed, staring out the window.

 

The silence stood for a few minutes longer, before her pop broke it again.

 

“Is something up C? You’re never usually this quiet”

 

Carter shrugged “I can be”

 

“Yeah you _can_ be. I’ve seen you be quiet. But it’s always usually for a reason. Also, you haven’t told me anything about your day which is unlike you. Usually I’d be trying to get you to shut up, not trying to get you to actually have a conversation with me”

 

Carter sighed and turned to face her pop, who was looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Look Pop, it’s just… I don’t know. This whole week has been weird and confusing for me, so new and unfamiliar it’s been hard to keep up. And I know it must be crazier and even scarier for you, I understand that it’s just… will you ever talk to Dad? I know you said you were going to and I know it’s only been a week but… you just aren’t trying you know? You said you would but you haven’t and I know things like this take time —"

 

“That’s exactly what it is Carter” Her pop interrupted, an edge to his voice “They take _time_. And time isn’t a week hun, it’s a lot more than that. I haven’t seen your father in seventeen years, way longer then you’ve been alive. There is a lot of unresolved issues and a lot of hurt that has festered for a long time. I don’t know how else to explain it love, but… but I don’t think I _can_ talk to him. Not just yet”

 

“You can, but you are choosing not to” Carter stated firmly. She knew her pop, better then anyone, and she knew there was something more to it. She didn’t know whether it was because of something that happened in 2015 or because her pop was scared of confrontation. She knew that her pop thought it was the right idea to keep Carter away from her dad, but she still knew her pop felt guilty about it, despite himself trying not to. She didn’t voice any of this to her pop, but instead decided to say something different.

 

“Pop, you always tell me we can’t dwell on the past, because the past we can’t change. It’s fixed, there’s no going back and sometimes that sucks because sometimes you wish you could go back and change things. Like I wish I could go back and make different decisions, such as not leaving my DS on the floor to be stepped on or keeping my room tidy so I wouldn’t lose my things but I can’t change that. What I can do is learn from that and make sure that I don’t do it again in the future. You and Dad obviously have a lot of things that aren’t going to be fixed anytime soon, but… but you can _talk_ to him. You can at least drive me up to the front door instead of parking out on the street, or you can at least make some interaction with him. I know if I could change one thing of the past, it would be to talk to you about this before I made this rash decision. I don’t regret coming here but I do regret not talking to you because I get that this is really hard for you… I can’t even comprehend it. But instead what I can do is promise to talk to you about big decisions like this from now on. I think… maybe… that you wish you could change how you left things with Dad. You can’t change that, but what you can do is make it right with him now, and give him a chance to make it right for you. Not just for you own sakes Pop, but for me”

 

Instead of her pop sitting silently or angrily or in his reflective mood, his reply was almost instant.

 

“Okay love. I can do that”

 

"Really?" 

  
"Yes. You're right. I need to start living up to all the advice I have told you over the years. I told you that you couldn't change the past and I also told you not to be overcome by fear. I do need to talk to your father, and I promise I will soon. But, be patient with me, okay love? Your father and I aren't going to be close friends. We're going to be civil and work together so that it can benefit you. Okay?"

Her pop and promised her these words only a few days prior, but this time, it truly seemed to stick. Her pop had a determination to him that Carter rarely saw, and it made her over the moon.

"I love you Papa"

 

Her pop smiled softly as he continued to stare out the windshield.

 

"I love you too baby girl"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE READ**
> 
>  
> 
> Long time no see fellas. Don't we all just love a corny chapter ending?
> 
> Okay sorry for my lack of updates. I had an essay to write, many social gatherings to attend and a whole show to binge watch (brooklyn nine nine - it's amazing). Nothing too dramatic but enough to keep me from writing. However this chapter is finished & I'm so happy. Ofc I finally finished it at 1:30 in the morning many days after I should of updated but oh well.
> 
> What I would like to say is that I update my progress on my twitter (thatpeculiarone) and my tumblr (ilovetodreamx) so if you would like to know what I'm planning on updating, please follow me on there so I can inform you!1!1!1!
> 
> Also what did you think of this chapter? Ofc we had some heart to heart Carter and Louis feels cause why not. Can you guess what is going to happen in the next chapter? What is FINALLY going to happen???? Stay tuned peeps.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Your support means the world.
> 
> -Jess


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more of a filler chapter, not very exciting. Apologies on the delay, a small explanation was given on Tumblr. If you would like to know where I've been, read that. Otherwise, enjoy this boring chapter and look forward to the next few very exciting chapters. From the next chapter onwards, this story really takes off.

**PART ll: RE-EXPERIENCE (CONTINUED)**

 

 

**& L  &**

 

**20 July 2032**

 

“Carter? Are you ready to leave yet?” Louis called up the stairs, before becoming silent so he could listen for a reply.

 

“Nearly. Give me a minute!” Carter yelled back, causing Louis to roll his eyes.

 

It was quite strange for him to be ready before Carter, considering he was usually the late one out of the two of them. Carter was one to wake up early, and a lot of the time was able to get ready quite quickly. Usually she would be impatiently waiting for him, rather then him impatiently waiting for her. He blamed it on summer; Carter was much more likely to sleep in when she had nothing to do. He had gotten ready that morning, without even realising that his daughter was still sleeping. Cue him waiting at the bottom of the stairs for Carter to be decent and set to go.

 

He wasn’t usually an impatient man, especially after having raised a stubborn sixteen year old, but that day was different. He wasn’t able to preoccupy himself like he regularly did whilst he waited because he wasn’t able to concentrate on anything but his thoughts. His thoughts were all jumbled up that morning, his brain couldn’t seem to stop thinking. His anxiety rumbled deep inside him, like a beast threatening to awake. For the past few years he had managed his anxiety disorder quite effectively, it hadn’t been an issue in the slightest. But it was common knowledge that anxiety could have triggers, and the biggest one happened to be the father of his daughter.

 

He hadn't expected to talk to Harry much over his time in London, but rather just do the obligatory drop off and pick up so that Carter could spend time with him. He had even thought about organising a lawyer to speak to Harry, a lawyer who could go over custody rights with both parties, without them having to interact. He would only have to be in the same room as Harry for the important things, such as birthdays and celebrations. 

 

Of course he realised that his thoughts were just idealistic dreams. He realised that he was being selfish, just like he had for the past many years. Of course he knew deep down that he was right to not introduce Carter to Harry because the Harry he knew once before was a pretty terrible person. Deep inside he knew he was right, that Carter was able to grow up healthy and happy without her other dad in her life. Yet at the same time, he realised that after talking to his ex-bandmates and witnessing his ex-boyfriend not long ago, he realised that Harry was indeed better. He was the Harry that Louis first met many, _many_ years ago. He wasn’t the same one Louis left, the one that scarred Louis for many years.

 

He hadn’t ever wanted to see Harry again because he was selfish. He was scared, scared of how Harry would react. He knew how everyone else would see it; see it as a horrible man keeping a child away from it’s parent for seventeen years. Some could almost see it as kidnapping. He was afraid that Harry would be livid, he would become agressive, malicious. He was afraid that he would turn Carter away from him. He was afraid that Harry would take him to court and in the end win. He was afraid he would be all alone and never able to see his daughter again. 

 

He wish he could say that this was just the demons in his head talking; but unfortunately he had witnessed an aggressive and malicious Harry Styles too many times to count.

 

A thumping on the stairs pulled Louis from his thoughts. He looked to see Carter bounding down the stairs, her blue backpack on her shoulder and a grin on her face.

 

“Okay. I’m ready now Pop” She said.

 

“Took you long enough” He joked, walking over to the coffee table to grab his things. He picked up his keys and wallet and tucked his phone into his pocket. He then picked up the two heavy books that were also sitting there and bundled them in his arms. He walked over to the front door where Carter was waiting and asked her to open it for him. He could tell she was pleased by what he was holding but didn’t say a word, just opened the door for him, letting him walk out front without a hassle. As he walked to the car, he heard her shut the front door behind them and scurry over to the car. After placing the books in the backseat, the both of them got into the car and were quick to depart.

 

It was obvious to both of them that Louis was nervous, because the car was quiet. Carter however, didn’t seem fazed by it and instead just put her earphones in. Her earphones were quite cheap so he could hear the quite lull of her music and realised she was listening to a recent Indie band. Louis had heard them quite a lot on the radio on his drives to work and although they were musically talented, they weren’t what he preferred. Carter enjoyed a lot of different styles however, and was introduced to a lot of that music by his sister Phoebe. He also guessed that her dad had some influence as well.

 

He wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen today, but he knew for a fact that it was going to be tense, awkward and just plain stressful. He hadn’t spoken to Harry, well at least properly spoken to Harry since 2015, and that last time they spoke to each other was not a pleasant talk. He didn’t know how Harry had really been processing Carter’s arrival, he wondered whether Harry hated him now or what his thoughts were. Obviously, most of it had been quite positive. Harry genuinely wanted Carter in his life, considering he constantly made plans to see her. Louis may not have spoken to Harry, but having seen him at Liam’s only a week prior, he knew that the other man wasn’t going to be an absent father. 

 

Louis wasn’t worried about Harry around Carter, but he was worried about Harry around himself.

 

He spared a quick glance at his daughter, who seemed to be stuck in a music trance. He wanted so badly to just drop Carter off at the gates, like he did every time. As the house loomed near, his anxiety began to rise. He was nervous, afraid, petrified. He was apprehensive to how Harry might react, what he might say, when Louis would arrive on his doorstep. 

 

The car ride neared an end as they pulled onto Harry’s street. He saw Carter perk up a little, a hint of a smile on her face as she spotted her dad’s roof coming up ahead. Louis couldn’t help but find it funny that a sight which made his daughter fill with joy, only made him fill with dread. 

 

They arrived at the house and Louis pulled up onto the small bit of driveway in front of the gate. As Carter went to hop out, Louis stopped her and told her to get back into the car after Harry buzzed them in. Carter beamed brightly but didn’t comment, just nodding and jumping out. Louis watched with hesitant eyes as his daughter went to the intercom and pressed the large button in the center. He watched as she waited a few moments before becoming animated, speaking into the small built in microphone on the box. The gate then slid open and Carter headed back to the car, hopping into the passenger seat. With a deep breath, Louis shifted the car back into drive and slowly accelerated up the long uphill driveway to the front porch. As he laid eyes on the front door, he immediately saw it was open and a figure standing in the doorway. He sighed to himself knowing he wouldn’t get a few moments to compose himself — he would just have to dive straight in.

 

He pulled up to just outside the front door, with the driver’s side facing the house. Louis looked out the window and immediately saw wide green eyes staring back at him. Looking at Harry, he could never get over how much similar yet different he looked from his younger self. There was no doubt since _X Factor_ Harry had changed, in small subtle ways over time. His once curly hair soon went to long and wavy, and then was cut short to remain that way. His sixteen year old face - one that once resembled a cherub - over time became long and thin with a strong jawline. His eyes, bright eyes, eyes that shone with mirth and kindness, slowly changed to dark and aggressive. They were eyes that Louis used to be afraid to look into, scared that he would unleash the monster that hid behind them. However, looking out at Harry now, seventeen years later, he could see that the hardened edge to his eyes was no longer visible, and instead they were calm and bright, just as if he were sixteen again.

 

Harry looked so similar to the man Louis last saw, yet very different at the same time. 

 

Carter jumped out of the car and immediately ran up to Harry, beginning to talk to him about something. Harry turned his gaze to her, giving her all his attention which allowed Louis to get out the car and grab the books out of the back of the car, without a lingering stare on him. Once he had the books bundled in his grasp, he shut the door and turned to face Harry, who was of course looking at him again. They stared at each other for a few moments, a tension between them that ran seventeen years deep. Carter had the decency to leave them be, walking inside and shutting the front door quietly behind her.

 

Louis hesitantly began to walk up the two steps to the porch, trying his best to avert his gaze. It was awkward, so so awkward. Louis couldn’t describe how uncomfortable this was. Harry couldn't keep his eyes off of him, his stare so intense that Louis would've been highly grateful if the ground just swallowed him whole. But there was no escaping it, Louis knew that. He had already tried, multiple times to do so - but there was no escaping Harry Styles, no matter how hard you tried.

 

“Good morning Harry” Louis spoke, his voice firm. Fear was coursing through his veins and his anxiety was the through the roof — he was surprised his voice didn’t seem to shake.

 

Harry cleared his throat and send Louis a small smile.

 

“Hi Lou -“ He coughed, clearing his throat again “I mean… hello Louis. How are you?”

 

“I’m well, thank you” Louis replied “You?”

 

“I’m good… yeah. Thanks” Harry said and Louis couldn’t help but think this was the most unpleasant conversation in history. 

 

“Uhm… well I can’t stay long” Louis spoke, but he was rather thinking: _I just don’t want this conversation to continue on much longer._

 

“But I just decided to drop off these” He continued, handing off the two large books into Harry’s hands.

 

Harry looked at them curiously “Photo albums?”

 

Louis nodded “Yes… um… my sisters and I took a lot of pictures of Carter growing up. I have every picture I own of her in there, from ultrasounds to school pictures. I thought you might want to look at them… or something… yeah”

 

“Lou — Louis… I can’t… thank you” Harry seemed to struggle with words as he stared down at the books in his arms.

 

“Just be careful with them… they’re very important to me”

 

“I will” Harry said sincerely, a tone of a promise in his voice.

 

“Thank you” Louis murmured before turning and running down the steps back to the car. He turned around to face Harry one more time, looking the man in the eye.

 

“I guess… I’ll see you around?”

 

Harry nodded, still looking numb and shocked at the interaction.

 

“I’ll see you around Lou”

 

As Louis drove away, back to the house in a swirl of emotions, he realised that he had missed Harry calling him Lou.

 

—

 

**& H  &**

 

If Harry had to say that morning, what he was expecting to happen that day, he would never have said that Louis Tomlinson would show up on his doorstep.

 

The plan had been for Carter to come over that day. He hadn’t seen her since the previous Friday when they had spent the day out in the field, so he was excited to see his daughter again. He had been messaging her every now and then, and she had told him how she had always wanted to make a mean spinach and ricotta tortellini. Harry, having had made a few in his life, had been more then keen for the idea of baking one for lunch with Carter. 

 

The plan was for her to come over and stay the night. Addy had left him know over the weekend that Maia had invited both his daughters and Teddy over for a board game day on Wednesday. So it made sense for Carter to stay the night and the both of them to be dropped together to Zayn’s by Harry. Addy had even suggested that course of action, which had surprised her father to no end.

 

Harry’s youngest daughter was currently at her first therapy session. She hadn’t gone to therapy in a while, so Harry had offered to be the one to take her and pick her up. Adelaide however had reassured him that she would be fine, and instead just got her grandparents (her mother’s parents) to take her. Harry had always gotten along well with them, especially after they moved to England following their daughter’s death. Adelaide’s mother had been born and raised in the U.S. which was where Harry had met her. She moved to England shortly before Adelaide was conceived and they never looked back. Addy only saw her grandparents every other Christmas and Easter, when either they saved up to visit or Harry would pay for Addy and her mother to fly back. So when they decided to move here to be closer to their granddaughter, it wasn’t a surprise that Addy became quite close to them and thus Harry too.

 

They lived in a small retirement village in London. They had a guest room there specifically designed for Addy. He had dropped her there the night before and had stayed for dinner, where Addy’s grandmother Rosann had cooked a pot roast. After Addy went to her room to Skype a friend, Harry had talked with the two of them about their other children, Addy’s aunties, and they had asked whether they could take Addy with them in December back to the United States to visit them. Harry had said he would think about it, but he knew he would probably say yes. Adelaide deserved to see her mother’s side of the family, her cousins and uncles but more specifically her aunties. Her aunties, being sisters of her mother, would have so many stories about her that Harry couldn’t possibly know. Adelaide deserved to hear all about them.

 

Whilst Addy probably just started therapy, his other daughter was set to arrive any minute. He had baked a batch of muffins last night and had cut up fruit this morning, already for them to have morning tea. Carter had sent him a text on Saturday, saying he always went to too much trouble for her. Though, he reassured her that he went to this much trouble with Addy too. There was nothing he loved more in the world than to spoil his children. Of course his mother always reprimanded him for it, saying that too much spoiling can lead to rotten children (although she always took whatever chance she could to spoil Addy along with his sister Gemma’s children). Addy’s mother hated it when he spoiled their daughter, considering it became a very constant factor. He stopped for a while when Addy was eight/nine, but it resurfaced after her mother was diagnosed with Leukaemia, then he spoilt her constantly, trying to keep her mind off of her ill mother. 

 

Addy hadn’t been set to arrive for another hour and bit, with her grandmother dropping her home after the appointment. So it left Harry waiting as the clock struck ten a.m, for his other daughter to arrive. At exactly ten past, the intercom sounded and Harry was quick to buzz her in. He opened the front door and stood just outside the doorway, like he always did, to greet Carter. There was a large tree that blocked his view of the gate, so he usually expected to see Carter walking out from behind it after the gate opened. However, instead he saw a set of wheels appear and then the full front of a car. A Nissan to be exact. The same Nissan that belonged to one Louis Tomlinson.

 

Harry couldn’t tell you what expression he wore on his face at that point, but he could tell you that he was a hundred percent in shock. He knew that Louis was probably going to drive up at some point or another to drop Carter, because it seemed as if it was inevitable. Though Harry had no idea he was going to do it so soon, considering they had barely even said a single syllable to each other. They didn’t have each other’s numbers to exchange details, they could barely stand even a foot from the other. The tension between them was indescribable, it had built up for so long that it seemed highly unlikely it would ever leave. Louis didn’t want to talk to Harry, Harry was scared to talk to Louis. He hadn’t expected that they would talk anytime soon, not even at any point that summer. So Harry hadn’t expected Louis to drive Carter up that day — he hadn’t expected him to do it at least for another couple of weeks. It had only been nine days since their daughter ran away to London. It had been barely any time at all, Harry still couldn’t process it all. He couldn’t even imagine what Louis was thinking. 

 

So you could imagine that his surprise doubled, _quadrupled_ even when Louis decided to get out of the car. 

 

Harry probably look like he’d seen the plague first hand, or a ghost had just wandered into his yard. He couldn’t even remember what words were exchanged, or whether he had something stupid. He remembered having to keep correcting himself, because it was just autonomous for him to say Lou. That was what he had called Louis since _X Factor_ , a nickname that stuck. He had to keep stopping himself from saying it because this wasn’t his Lou anymore. This was Louis, father of his child, ex boyfriend whose heart he broke.

 

Louis had decided to give him photo albums, each of them filled with photos of Carter. He’d seen a few of them from Carter’s phone, but not many. According to Louis, they had all of her childhood photos in here. Photos taking from each step of her life, from the time she was a foetus til now. It was a gesture that Harry was highly grateful for, and all he could do was let the shock take over as he held them in his arms. He remembers a hazy goodbye to Louis, a promise from the latter about seeing him soon. 

 

_“See you around?”_

 

Harry could felt a small fire of hope light inside of him. Maybe there was hope for them after all.

 

He took the books inside and placed them on the coffee table in the family room, where Carter was sitting, obviously waiting until the exchange was over. He had been planning to binge watch a new reality show with her, one that she had mentioned liking. Instead, he decided that a good bonding experience would be to go through the albums.

 

Carter helped him bring through the stuff for morning tea from the kitchen to the living room. They placed down the muffins and fruit, along with the juice and glasses. After the both of them snacked on the food and exchanged pleasantries about their past few days, Harry decided it was time to get out the first album.

 

He opened it up to the first page, and immediately was greeted by one large picture. It was an ultrasound, with a small figure of a baby, a foetus. It only took up about a quarter of the uterus, and seemed to be sleeping. It was so small, so little. It reminded Harry of when he saw Adelaide’s first ultrasound and couldn’t believe that the foetus was a living thing. They are so tiny and fragile, living in a human incubator. It was crazy. 

 

Louis had written a caption beneath it.

 

_Baby’s first ultrasound — 9 weeks (August 3rd, 2015)_

 

“Pop did the photos as he went along” Carter explained from where she was sitting beside Harry “He wanted to document the process and he went along… it sort of helped relax him I think. Well that’s at least what I heard from my aunt Lottie”

 

Harry nodded in understanding, turning to the next page to see two more ultrasounds. One was from the twelve week check up, and another from the sixteen. Each time, Carter seemed to grow just that much bigger. It was kind of amazing to see.

 

The other page held a couple of pictures of Louis, from whilst he was pregnant around the 16 week stage. Harry couldn’t help but stare at that page for a little bit longer, taking in the sight of a pregnant Louis. Louis had always been beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but pregnancy just brought something extra out of him. In the picture Louis was standing next to his mother, they both of them grinning at the camera. Harry always noted that they had the same smile, something that he too shared with his own mother. Louis stomach was only slightly round, a noticeable bump protruding from under the shirt. Though that wasn’t what Harry really noticed — that wasn’t Louis’ distinguishing feature in the picture.

 

Everyone talks about pregnancy glow, it’s something that most pregnant women experience. An increase in hormones leads to the skin shining or ‘glowing’. Louis’ skin had always been this warm honey colour. It was a tone that reminded him of summer days, when the hot sun would etch across your skin, leaving you feeling cosy and comfortable. Louis himself was summer days, he always had this bright cheerfulness that seemed to contrast to days when the sun was out. 

 

He himself was the sun, everyone seemed to orbit around him.

 

The pregnancy glow just highlighted his already gorgeous skin, as if the sun was shining on every pore of his body. It highlighted his cheekbones and made his eyes pop — his beautiful blue eyes that fortunately their daughter was lucky enough to receieve. His hair had been cut quite short, like those days just after _X Factor_ when their management was all about creating an image for them. His hair had been styled nicely, not any sign of grease. Harry guessed that was another bonus from pregnancy hormones. 

 

He looked so happy, so warm, so inviting. It was like a thorn in Harry’s heart. He realised that Louis hadn’t looked that happy in his last remaining months in One Direction… well… more like his last remaining year. He had been miserable, putting on a smile for the cameras and fans, when in reality, Harry knew that his boyfriend cried on the daily. His eyes only brightened when the stage lights hit them or when Harry finally paid him attention for the first time in a few months. Harry had reflected plenty of times over the past seventeen years, and realising that his former self had rarely cared about Louis, was just enough to break Harry’s heart.

 

Maybe if he hadn’t been the biggest wanker on the universe, if he had actually treated his boyfriend like he deserved to be treated, then maybe he would have been in these photos as well.

 

Harry could see he was taking a while on the one page, and not wanting Carter to ask questions, he turned to the next page quickly.

 

The next few pages were the rest of the ultrasounds and pictures of pregnant Louis. There was one of him with the young twins, who were only about eighteen months or so at that point. They both sat on Louis’ lap, one on each leg, looking a bit dumbstruck as they stared at whoever was behind the camera. Louis was laughing in the picture. Harry could practically hear his laughter, the longer he stared at it.

 

There was another of Louis with his sisters. They were all sitting on the couch, Lottie and Fizzy on either side of him. Daisy sat next to Fizzy, whereas Phoebe sat next to Lottie. Harry had always been able to tell the difference between them, ever since the moment he first met them. Louis was jealous, as it had taken him years of watching them grow from babies to toddlers, to even slightly notice which one was which.

 

Louis looked beautiful in each picture he was in. But most importantly he looked happy. He was finally happy.

 

“Look, here’s when I was born!” Carter exclaimed as they turned the next page, getting out of the final shots of Louis’ pregnancy, to the day that Carter was born.

 

The first picture was a photo just of Carter, a small newborn bundled up in a pink blanket. She was lying in one of the hospital cots, her eyes closed and her face a pinky-red. Underneath it, Louis had captioned it just like the others.

 

_Amy Carter Tomlinson._

_Born 10th of March, 2016 - 9:50am._

_3.7 kg._

_I will cherish you forever baby girl._

 

“Look at you little cutie” Harry said, looking down at the picture of his daughter in awe. It was so strange to see her at barely a day old, considering he had met her when she was at least 6000 days old. But she was a beautiful baby and Harry still couldn’t believe that she was his. She was a product of him and Louis, a living breathing child of theirs. He still couldn’t process it, even looking at these photos.

 

There were many photos of Carter and Louis in the hospital. There was at least two whole pages filled of Louis and Carter, the former holding the small bundle of joy in his arms as he either smiled wearily at the camera or at his daughter. Then there were others of various family members visiting. There were the adults — Jay, Mark and Dan, each having their turn to hold their granddaughter. Then there were the aunties, each of Louis’ sisters taking their turn. There were a few of Ernie and Doris, but they didn’t hold Carter and instead just looked at her as their mum held her. 

 

There were a few other relatives and friends here and there, but Harry didn't focus too much on them, instead focusing on the next few pictures. The next series were of Carter as a baby, going from her time in hospital to at home. Carter and Harry commented on the pictures: the ones of Carter yawning or looking alarmed. Of her crying and of her sleeping. There were a lot of Louis napping with her or feeding her through a bottle. All of them were adorable, and Harry felt great being able to have a picture of what Carter’s childhood days were like. 

 

Slowly she began to grow up in the pictures, going from a small fragile newborn to a chubby six month year old. There was a picture of her stomach labelled: _first time rolling over!_ And another of her on all fours labelled: _first time crawling!_ Then there was the standing up and her first steps along with her first Christmas. Then it came back around to March 2017, where there were pictures of her in a high chair and cake all over her, a monumental snapshot of her first birthday.

 

From there she had apparently began to talk, one of the pictures a selfie of a grinning Louis and a clueless baby Carter, labelled as: _she just said pa! Her first word!_ Louis had also begun dressing Carter up more, in cute little dresses with bows. Louis recorded many photos of Carter throwing fits over her outfits, something the both of them laughed over.

 

“He should have known I wasn’t going to like them” Carter replied “I always wanted to look like him”

 

It was true. Many of the photos captured Carter copying Louis, mimicking his actions. It was quite adorable actually, and it never stopped, even by the time she was eight or nine.

 

Slowly, Carter turned from a baby to a toddler and from a toddler to a child. Harry couldn’t believe it when he saw the picture of her first day of kindergarten, the little girl grinning at the camera. Carter was a cute child, with chubby cheeks and soft curls. Her hair was light like Louis’, yet it curled like Harry’s. She was wearing a uniform, a green polo shirt and black shorts. On her feet she had green toms, which made Harry chuckle. Carter really did want to look like Louis, in every way possible.

 

There were many pictures of Carter in kindergarten, in which during her time there she grew a front fringe. He thought she was so cute as a little girl. Almost all the time she wore her hair in plaits, with her fringe covering her forehead and wearing clothes that mirrored her father’s. The pictures decreased in quantity as Carter grew older, only a few pictures here and there. Most of the pictures were of her on her birthday or celebrations such as Easter and Christmas. There were a few littered here and there of her with the younger twins — Dee and Ernie. She was most commonly by Doris’ side, the two girls being inseparable from a young age. 

 

Harry loved that every year, Louis made Carter take a halloween photo. From 2016 onwards, there was a picture every year of her dressed up in some sort of costume. Her first picture at seven months, she was dressed as a pumpkin and at nineteen months it was a fairy. At two years old, she was dressed as a pirate and then at three, she was a doctor. At four she dressed in a football outfit, one that Louis mirrored that exact same year. At five she wore the same thing. 

 

It was at six years old that she wore something different, something that made Harry froze. Carter stood in the centre of the picture, her eyes scrunched up and a large toothy grin on her face. She was wearing a purple suit, a small one that was made to fit her body. The suit was a metallic material, it shone under the flash of the camera. Her wavy curls weren’t tied up and instead hung loose on her body, tumbling down over her shoulders. Accompanying it all was leather shoes, ones that Harry never thought he’d see a six year old wear. It didn’t take long to realise that she was dressed like him, in an outfit that was similar to [one](http://cdn02.cdn.justjared.com/wp-content/uploads/headlines/2017/11/harry-styles-rocks-snazzy-purple-suit-at-2017-aria-awards.jpg) he’d once worn.

 

“I remember that halloween” Carter said to him “Pop asked me what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to dress like daddy. The years before I had worn my football outfit, cause I wanted to look just like Pop. Though that year, I wanted to dress like you. I think in my six year old mind, I thought it was only fair. After Pop took that picture, I remember asking whether you were going to come and Pop had to tell me no. I remember being pretty upset, but I got over it quickly when Pop dragged me trick or treating”

 

There were tears welling up in Harry’s eyes as he stared down at the picture. All the guilt that he had felt over the past week came rushing back. It was the same ideology: if he hadn’t been so horrible to Louis then maybe he would have been able to be in his daughter’s life. He would've been able to see her grow up, be there for her in moments like this. Carter had reassured him the week earlier that he had nothing to be sorry for, that she was happy and liked her life. But that didn’t help the twinge in his chest, the reminder of the bad things he had done in the past.

 

“I’m sorry” Harry began to say, his voice cracking on the last syllable. He saw Carter look over at him concerned, but she chose not to say anything. Harry took a breath and steadied himself.

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you baby girl. I… I wish more then anything that I had been a better person in my earlier years. I wish I had been more grounded and treated others with kindness. I was so selfish and it only took Louis leaving to snap me out of it. I… I regret a lot of things I’ve done, but most of all I regret hurting your father. I should have been there. I should've been dressing up with you and playing football with you and reading you stories at night. I wasn’t there for you and I don’t know how you can forgive that”

 

Harry began to cry, something he wish he hadn’t done so much in front of his daughter. Carter just hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder as he let out everything. He really, _really_ needed to stop having these breakdowns. He was looking like the most unstable father to date.

 

“Don’t cry Dad” Carter said “I’m fine… I’m happy and healthy. I had a great childhood and yes… it sucked you weren’t there but… that’s what I’m here for now isn’t it? I can get to know you now. Better late then never right?”

 

Harry wiped his eyes and looked over at Carter who was giving him a watery smile.

 

“It’s never too late” He replied and then proceeded to hug her. 

 

The rest of the photo album viewing went much smoother after that. Seeing the pregnant pictures of Louis and the baby pictures of Carter had already given him too many emotions to process. Seeing Carter dressed like him, dressed like her ‘daddy’ for halloween, was enough to send him over the edge. The rest of the pictures were fine though, just pictures of Carter with family or on celebrations. Carter explained each scenario and Harry found himself enjoying them all. He may not have been around for her childhood, but photos were the next best thing. Carter also mentioned there were home videos, which she would try get off her pop. That made Harry ecstatic. 

 

The last few pictures of the book featured Carter at her sixteenth. She explained that it was held at her house in Doncaster, and most of the family had visited for the occasion. There were pictures of her with all of her family members; a picture of her with Louis’ sisters, a picture of her with Ernie and Doris. She had a picture with both of her grandfathers and Carol, Dan’s wife. There was even pictures of her with her little cousins. Though Harry’s favourites were obviously Carter with Louis. The two of them looked so happy, smiling brightly in each picture. Harry could see the adoration Louis had for their daughter, especially with the party that was thrown for her. There was never any doubt in his mind whilst they were dating that Louis would be a good father but… it was showcased so prominently in the pictures he had seen. Louis loved Carter more than anything in the world, meaning he would protect her from anything in the world, even if it was Harry. He knew that, he knew that Louis had just been protecting Carter. He knew that maybe… probably it was the right choice. But it didn’t help that hurt that sat in his chest, the pain knowing he missed out on his daughter’s life.

 

He didn’t say anything however and put the books away on the entertainment unit, in a safe place. He didn’t want to get upset again, he’d had too many breakdowns in the past week to last him a lifetime. Instead he and Carter packed up the morning tea and juice, putting it all away and washing up the dishes in the kitchen. Looking at the photo albums, Harry knew he would have to ask Louis if he could scan a few onto his computer. There were so many pictures of Addy around the house, he definitely needed to add some of Carter. His day always brightened when he got home from work and saw the childhood pictures of his daughter on the wall. He knew the feeling would double if he saw pictures of Carter up there as well.

 

As Adelaide crossed his mind, he looked over at the study door as he headed back into the living room. He turned to look at Carter who had sat back down on the couch.

 

“Would you want to look at Adelaide’s pictures?” Harry asked. He didn’t know whether Carter would be interested, considering she rarely knew her little sister. They hadn’t spoken, and last time Carter had associated with Adelaide, the latter had ignored her as if she was dirt. He started to regret asking because of course Carter wouldn’t. Why would she?

 

Though Carter surprised him, agreeing to see them. He grinned and went into his study, pulling out the photo albums full of pictures of Adelaide. His photo albums weren’t as nicely done as Louis’, but they were still filled with many photos, all documenting the childhood of Addy Styles. He sat down on the couch next to Carter, and flipped the book open, beginning to look through the photos just like they had with hers. However, instead of Carter explaining each one, it was Harry’s turn.

 

“This is Addy’s mother” He said, pointing to one of the first few pictures. The woman laid in bed smiling softly at the camera, a newborn baby in her arms. Carter nodded but didn’t ask any further, Harry guessed she didn’t want to pry. He was fine talking about Adelaide’s mother, he always wanted to keep her memory alive. He would always tell Adelaide stories and never shy away from the question she asked him about her. She was a wonderful mother and human and someone that Harry missed dearly. He figured that since Carter didn’t know Addy too well, she didn’t want to delve into the topic of her dead mother. So, Harry didn’t continue and instead focused on Adelaide.

 

There were pictures of Harry holding Addy, in which Carter commented that he looked a lot the same.

 

“You have more wrinkles now, but it makes you look wise” Carter teased, to which Harry rolled his eyes.

 

The next few pictures were of Addy as a newborn. Harry and Adelaide’s mother lived separately, so only some of the pictures were from him, whereas others he had gotten off her. There were pictures of Addy in the bath or on her stomach on the play mat. His favourite was off her giggling as a baby, her bright chubby cheeks a rosy red as she laughed at whatever she thought was funny at the time. Looking at the baby pictures, he realised that Carter and Addy looked eerily similar as babies. I mean sure, some could argue that all babies look the same. But even nearing the age of one, they looked alike. It was usually around then that babies started gaining their own features, their own resemblance. He thought it was sweet, that his two daughters looked alike. He knew they would disagree.

 

Addy soon began to stand and then her first birthday party showed up in the pictures. His favourite picture of the day, was a picture where Addy sat in the highchair grinning, her two parents either side smiling at the camera. It was a family picture and even though they weren’t a conventional family, it was a picture of love and happiness. Harry knew for a fact that Adelaide loved that picture too, she had it on her side table.

 

They were nearing Adelaide at eighteen months when they heard a rattling of keys. Harry looked over to the front door to see Adelaide, obviously having let herself in after getting home from her appointment. She looked over and spotted him as well as casting her eyes over to Carter, who sat frozen on the couch.

 

“Hi Dad” She greeted, walking into the living room “Hi Carter”

 

A soft smile formed on Carter’s lips “Hi Adelaide”

 

Addy walked further into the living room, peeking over at the book on Harry’s lap.

 

“Are those my baby pictures?” She asked confused. Harry nodded in reply.

 

“Yeah. Carter’s Pop brought over the pictures of Carter, so I felt like I would show Carter yours”

 

He stared at Adelaide, awaiting her reaction. He was unsure of what she would think, if she would be upset that Harry was showing Carter her pictures. He wondered whether she would feel upset because most of these pictures had her mother in them. Her face was expressionless for a few moments before it slowly relaxed and she shrugged her shoulders.

 

“Cool. Can I look at them too?” She asked. 

 

Harry’s eyes widened for a moment but he quickly nodded, moving closer to Carter a small inch.

 

“Of course you can love, sit down”

 

Addy slowly sat down on the couch next to Harry, looking over his shoulder at the book. He wantedto have a moment to take this all in, his two daughters sitting next to him. It was something he never imagined, especially after the past week. But here he was and he had to blink rapidly to stop the tears from coming.

 

They continued to look through the book, Harry explaining the events of each of the photos. Addy chimed in where she could, but she couldn’t remember the first few years of her life. She rather looked at the pictures fondly, especially the ones of her mother holding her. 

 

By the time they reached age four, Carter chimed in.

 

“I had those!” She exclaimed, pointing to a picture on the top right side of the page.

 

The picture was of Adelaide, holding a bunny toy as she smiled at the camera. The bunny toy was what, Harry assumed, Carter was talking about. They were collectibles that were branded off the build-a-bear franchise. They only came out in about 2020, and kids all over the world were obsessed with them. They were collectables, you got one and it came with another toy. He remembered the one Addy was holding as the gardening one, the one that came with the watering can. 

 

“The bunny collectables!” Adelaide brightened, looking over at the picture in delight “I loved these. I begged Dad to get me one all the time. This one was my first, I named her Flower”

 

“You were always very original” Harry said sarcastically, looking over at the pet bed in the corner of the living room. It was a constant reminder that they had a cat named Rover. _Rover_.

 

Addy just rolled her eyes at him.

 

“I think my first one was the chef bunny. The one that came with the plastic food set” Carter said “I don’t think my pop realised that it was a collectable, so I nagged him constantly about getting more. He didn’t buy him many but my aunties did. I think it was just because they actually wanted them for themselves”

 

“I got the chef one as one of my last ones I think” Adelaide replied “I got it for my birthday when I was five. I had really wanted that one though, I’m pretty sure I reminded Mum for weeks before my birthday, hoping she would get it for me”

 

“Try months” Harry added “You begged me all the time too”

 

Adelaide’s eye roll count increased to two.

 

Harry didn’t comment further, as Adelaide and Carter began to have a conversation about the collectables. Harry just soaked it in, finding the moment too amazing. Sure it was just a conversation, but he felt that it was just the beginning of something big. Only a week ago, Adelaide would have rather anything than have to have a conversation with the stranger she was meant to call her sister. Now, they were bonding over a mutual experience. 

 

Maybe pigs really do fly.

 

They finished the rest of the album pretty quickly, considering it only went up to when Adelaide was about seven and a half. Harry didn’t want to continue any further, to the photo album which held many pictures of his daughter and her dying mother — he didn’t want to risk triggering Adelaide in any way. Especially after her first therapy session, which was the beginning of a long road to recovery. The guilt was still lingering over the fact that he hadn’t noticed how his daughter was feeling. He felt guilty for not talking to her sooner and for pulling her out of therapy too quickly. She could be such a social butterfly, such a bubbly girl that he had thought that she had gotten over her trauma. She talked and she laughed, she went out and had hobbies. Like every normal teen. What he failed to realise is that people can always look happy to some degree, but what they hide inside is a whole other story.

 

He knew he was going to be feeling guilty for a while. For not being there for Carter and for not being there for Adelaide. but like Carter had said earlier, from now on he could do better. It was never too late.

 

He was going to be there for his girls and be their dad. He was going to make it right.

 

 

Later in that afternoon, when Adelaide had gone upstairs to Skype her friend before dinner, Harry found Carter in the living room reading a book. He stood in the doorway for a second, watching her as she was completely absorbed in what she was reading. The way her eyes flickered over each line, the small upwards curve to her lips as she obviously enjoyed what she was perusing. Harry was ever so thankful that Louis had been pretty insistent on Carter reading, cause he thought it was truly something amazing to see his child love something that he held so close to his heart. Reading was something he adored and he felt that it allowed him more opportunities to bond with Carter, as they had many things to talk about when it came to books.

 

After a few moments, Carter’s blue eyes flicked upwards, catching her father’s gaze. 

 

“Hey Dad” She said, marking the page with a bookmark “What’s up?”

 

He smiled softly before entering the living room, walking over and sitting beside his daughter on the couch.

 

“Hey love. I was just wondering if it was okay… if you could um… give me your pop’s number?”

 

Carter raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, instead just put her book down and got out her phone.

 

“I’ll have to text him first to ask… I kind of promised him no more secrets”

 

Harry nodded and watched anxiously as Carter sent a text off to Louis, before the both of them waited in silence for his answer. It happened almost instantaneously, a small reply popped up on the screen which Carter read out loud with a smile.

 

“He said yes”

 

After Carter had sent Harry the number, the former went back to reading. Harry left the room and went into the kitchen, sitting down at the counter as he wrote his message.

 

> _Hi Louis, it’s Harry. I wanted to reach out and ask if you wanted to stop by for coffee tomorrow? Obviously it’s okay if you say no but I just wanted to get to know more about Carter and her childhood. Thank you again for the photo albums._

 

While he awaited a reply, he updated the number on Louis’ contact. He’d never gotten rid of it, not since their One Direction days. After Louis left, he spent multiple nights and days trying to contact him before giving up and just awaiting for the day that Louis might reply. He waited those whole seventeen years, even when the chance of Louis ever reaching out again, was pretty much impossible. He waited and waited. 

 

Louis’ reply took a little while longer then his reply to Carter. It came through thirty minutes later, when Harry was dishing up the chilli for dinner. His phone buzzed and he looked over, a wide grin on his face as he read the reply.

 

> **Lou** : Okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: ilovetodreamx  
> TWITTER: thatpeculiarone


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delayed chapter! Been very busy with university. Life gets in the way of everything honestly.
> 
> This character features Harry crying for the millionth time in this fic. Be warned. (also this chapter is sloppy and I kinda hate it but let me know what ya'll think)
> 
>  
> 
> **THIS CHAPTER IS UNEDITED. I ALSO DO NOT HAVE A BETA. So considering it's now 2:40am as I post this. Please let me know any errors you see in the comments and I will correct in the morning.**
> 
>  
> 
> **This fic is now available in Russian, thanks to the kind and amazing: loueh__tommoo. It can be read:[here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6544301)**

**PART ll: RE-EXPERIENCE (CONTINUED)**

 

 

 

**& H  &**

 

 

**Flashback: December 3, 2012**

 

“I’m not going out there” Harry mumbled, as he rested his head against the toilet bowl. 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Harry” Louis replied to him, rubbing circles into his upper back.

 

Harry just shook his head before keeping still, afraid his turning stomach would eventually cause him to throw up the liquified version of his lunch.

 

Harry knew what nerves felt like; he’d experienced them numerous times. Such as the first time he performed with his band back home or the day of his _X-Factor_ audition. He’d experienced it through bootcamp and many of his times performing with One Direction. He always experienced nerves before a show, most of them good however. He always thought nerves were a motivating factor, something reminding you that you really wanted to do good in something. Something making you push and work hard.

 

Though today, Harry hated his nerves and instead of motivating him, they were making him dread it.

 

“C’mon Harry, you are going to smash it tonight” Louis said, a bright grin on his face “You are more talented then me, love”.

 

Harry lifted his head up from the toilet and shot Louis a glare “You know I hate it when you say that”.

 

Louis’ grin brightened “I know you do, that’s why I said it. It got your head off the toilet, didn’t it?”.

 

Harry scowled before groaning and leaning against the wall behind him, taking deep breaths.

 

“I don’t know how you are so calm Lou” Harry whispered, looking over to his boyfriend with a solemn expression “I mean, we are going to be performing in front of thousands, in front of our family at one of the most well known arenas on the bloody planet. What if I fuck it up?”

 

Louis was silent for a moment, his lips pursed as his eyes stared into Harry’s, a reflective expression on his face. His hand had now moved from Harry’s back to his hand, holding it in place on Harry’s knee. It was a comforting gesture, but any touch from Louis was comforting to Harry. Louis was familiar to him, he was _home_. Having Louis around allowed him to become grounded and centred. Whenever he thought back on the last two years of his life, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to do it without Louis. Whether they were boyfriends or not, the man before him could light up a room if he were a stranger or not. It’s what Harry loved about him.

 

“I’m calm Harry because when I think about tonight… I think about how I don't _need_ this” Louis explained, rubbing his thumb over Harry’s knuckles “We’ve done so many amazing things in the last few years that I think we get so fixated on them, you know? We forget to think about what we want and need. Like what I want? I have wanted to be a famous sing all my life, I’ve wanted to produce albums and perform at arenas. Madison Square Garden? Hell Harry, I’ve not just wanted, I’ve _dreamed_ about playing here. Honestly, this place is fucking brilliant and I can’t believe we are playing here tonight.

 

“But… if these were to be taken away, if these were to never happen. Of course I’d be disappointed but I wouldn’t _need_ those Harry. You know what I do need? My family. My friends. The lads and _you_. If we fuck up tonight, in front of anyone, honestly I won’t give a shit. Because tonight I will get off that stage, head back to the hotel and crawl into bed with you. I don’t care about the shit reviews or the bitter tweets or whatever crap I get because in the end that doesn’t matter because I have you. I have family, friends, a band and a boyfriend that loves me. And I needthat, I don’t need to be good or amazing. Of course I want to be and I would love more than anything for the fans out there tonight to love our performance, but in the end if it all crash and burns. It’s not the end of the world… okay?”

 

Harry smiled softly before leaning forward and giving Louis a small chaste kiss.

 

“Okay” Harry murmured “I love you Lou”.

 

Louis laughed, placing his hand on the back of Harry’s neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

 

“I love you too love. Now come on, let’s go get Miss Teasdaleto fix you up. Martin Scorsese is visiting backstage tonight and there is no way in hell we’re fucking _that_ up”.

 

 

**Present Day:**

 

If it hadn’t been for Adelaide telling him to stop the car, Harry would of missed Zayn’s house completely.

 

He pulled to a stop abruptly, looking out over at his left to see his friend’s house right there next to him. It was a house he had gone to so many times, to the point he didn’t even need to think about the drive at all. Usually it came automatic to him, considering he usually drove there several times during the week, either to have dinner with the family or to drop Adelaide there so she can hang out with Maia. So for him to almost actually miss the house, was highly abnormal.

 

The whole drive there he had been fretting, lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. It was ten am, meaning that in half an hour, Louis was set to arrive at his house. It had been seventeen years since Harry last had a conversation with Louis, a proper one where more then a couple of awkward words were exchanged. Unfortunately, it had been even longer since Harry had a pleasant conversation with Louis, considering the last one they had all those years ago happened to be a fight. A fight with Harry believed costed him the life he had always dreamt about having with Louis.

 

When Louis returned all these years later, thanks to Harry’s long lost daughter, all he could think about was being able to talk with him and being able to apologise for all the hurt and suffering he caused whilst they were in the band together. Penance and apologies was something that Harry had needed to do long ago, when he had been attempting to make himself a better person. He had apologised to so many people; his mum, his sister, his bandmates and the crew members on tour who he had lashed out at several times. But he had never been given the chance to apologise to Louis, considering the latter had left the tour without so much as a goodbye. Harry can’t blame him, but at the same time, it was hard to go through all these years knowing that Louis was somewhere out there, thinking the worst of Harry. All he wanted to do was make it right.

 

He put the car into park and turned around to face his daughters. The both of them were in the backseat, looking at him with cautious and calculating expressions on their faces. Looking at the both of them in that moment, Harry realised that they did look quite alike, despite the fact that only shared one biological parent.

 

“I’m going to pick you both up at 3:30” He said, forcing a small smile “And from there, I’ll drop you back to your pop’s Carter”.

 

Both his daughters nodded, giving him a quick thanks and goodbye before jumping out of the car. He watched them fondly as they walked up to the front gate, Adelaide punching the code in before the two of them walked through and up the driveway. Once Harry was sure they were both in safely, he put the car back into drive and proceeded down the road, in a hurry to get back to his house.

 

If he thought the anxiousness he felt was already skyrocketing, it was nothing compared to what he felt when he arrived home to find a green Nissan sitting in the driveway outside the gates. He almost stopped the car in a full blown panic, his insides beginning to churn as he slowly edged his car closer. Louis was ten minutes early, meaning that Harry hadn’t been prepared for his arrival. He thought he would have time — time to splash some water on his face and tell himself to man up. Even time to make a cuppa and let it soothe him. Though it wasn’t going to happen like that, instead now he had to go up to Louis looking horribly flustered. He pulled up on the curb just by Louis’ car and got out, only to see that Louis had gotten out too and was staring right at him.

 

_Ok. This is your only chance Styles. You can do this._

 

He walked over to Louis, making sure a friendly smile was on his face. He didn’t want to be too enthusiastic with Louis; he didn’t want to scare off what may be their only chance to talk. However, he didn’t want to seem stand offish, he didn’t want to resemble the Harry he was many years ago. The Harry he wished to never be again. 

 

“Hey Louis, thanks for coming” He greeted, doing a piss poor job of keeping his voice steady.

 

“Hello Harry, sorry I’m early. I forgot you were dropping the girls off to Zayn’s. Carter mentioned Maia invited her and Adelaide over today”.

 

“That’s okay, I probably should of given you the code in case. I’ve also been meaning to give it to Carter but I keep forgetting” He said, walking past Louis to the panel and typing in the code “It’s just 1210”.

 

He saw a small look of recognition on Louis’ face, almost a small glimmer to his eyes as he realised what the code meant. The code was special to the two of them and something that Harry had used as a passcode for years. Even despite the fact they had ‘broken up’ and Louis had left for seventeen years, Harry still used the passcode the whole time.

 

**Flashback: 12 October 2010**

 

It was a casual morning in the _X Factor_ house, most people were preparing for vocal training that day, along with figuring out what song they were going to sing later that week. The first round of eliminations had already begun the day before, with Nicolo getting the boot. Harry didn’t know him too well, so he hadn’t been too bummed. Yet it made it made the competition feel just more real. Of course he had already experienced elimination, having those few moments when he thought he had been kicked out from the competition, only to be called back in and thrown into a group.

 

He was grateful however, because he loved his fellow group members. There were five of them all together and they were all very similar yet different at the same time. One of the similarities were, they had the same passion for music. None of them were here because of a half arsed dare or because they were arrogant enough to believe they were the best singers. They were all there because they were passionate about singing and passionate about creating music that they enjoyed. One of the differences was that they had various tastes in music: Zayn, a seventeen year old from Bradford, loved R&B more then anything whereas Niall, who was also recently seventeen and from Ireland, loved top 40, pop funk, classic rock style music. Harry enjoyed pretty much everything, which was the same as Liam, who was Wolverhampton. However, Harry’s music style had more of an indie vibe whereas Liam liked more songs with an edge. 

 

Louis liked all styles of music, he liked anything that had a tune. His music taste was a collection of all of theirs, which made him so easy to talk to and get along with. It’s also what Harry believed made him the most special of all of them.

 

Harry had been obsessed with Louis since the day they met at X Factor. They met in the bathrooms, where Louis gave Harry the best pep talk of his life and from there, Harry had been fawning over him like a child to a puppy. So he considered himself the luckiest in the world when they were paired together in One Direction, it was almost as if it were meant to be. 

 

Harry knew that Louis was a confident guy, he had seen it in those bathrooms not too long ago. But it really came to light as soon as One Direction joined, because Louis was always just free and never seemed to take shit from anyone. He was friendly, charming and hilariously funny. He was everything Harry could ever want in a friend, and he was someone that he was hopelessly attracted to.

 

He knew Louis was in gay, in fact Louis had said it not long after they met. They had gone to Harry’s step dad’s bungalow for a couple of days, to get to know each other and see how they fit together as a group, not only with their vocals but personality wise. After everyone had got there, they sat down to have their first real discussion; but before anyone could say anything, Louis instantly said: _I’m gay. Does anyone here have a problem with that?_

 

None of them did, fortunately, and Harry grew so much more respect for Louis. As a closeted person, he dreamt of coming out. However, he was afraid of not being accepted by his family or friends, especially in the highly religious town of his. He had a dream of coming out and being accepted, something he had a feeling would never happen back home. For Louis to have come out to not only his family and friends, but these four strangers he rarely knew, was something that Harry admired, a lot. It was something he thought he would never be able to do. 

 

Harry didn’t just like Louis as a friend though, in fact, he happened to have a crush on him. Louis everything Harry could ever want in someone; beautiful, kind, confident. He was funny and considerate and was already an amazing friend to Harry, despite them only knowing each other of a few months. Harry was pretty close already to the other lads in the band, but by far he and Louis were the closest. They had a friendship like no other, and sometimes Harry wished it could go somewhere further.

 

That morning, it was only Harry and Louis hanging out in the shared bedroom. Zayn was in the bathroom, Niall was hanging out with Cher, Katie and Aidan and Liam was off having a vocal coaching at the studio. It was only Harry and Louis in the bedroom, the former being shirtless and sprawled out on his bed. Louis on the other hand, laid on the floor beside Harry, tweeting random shit.

 

“I got over a thousand followers Haz” Lou spoke. Harry couldn’t help but feel a glow of warmth every time Louis called him Haz.

 

“I feel bad for them Lou, now they have to put up with all that crap you talk” Harry giggled, causing Louis to make an affronted noise. 

 

“Are you saying you don’t like what I say Harold?” Louis gasped in mock offence, looking up at Harry with wide eyes “Are you saying you’ve been lying to me this whole time?”

 

Harry shrugged “Maybe”

 

In an instant, Louis was up off the ground and tacking Harry on the bed, the both of them play wrestling. Louis was stronger then he looked, and considering he had the advantage of gravity, he was quick to pin Harry down beneath him. The latter struggled to break free, laughing as he tried, but Louis was able to pin his wrists above his head, preventing him from moving.

 

“Now, Harry, I’ll let you go if you tell me how amazing I am”

 

Harry rolled his eyes, saying ‘you’re amazing Louis’ in a monotone voice. 

 

Louis clicked his tongue “Harold, you know that’s not good enough. I’m gonna have to ask you to repeat that”

 

He leaned in closer, making it harder for Harry to break free. However, Harry found himself not struggling as much anymore, and instead zoning in on Louis. Their heads were only a few inches apart, so close that he could feel (and smell… which was disgusting) Louis’ breath on him. Harry could feel his skin prickling because… this was the closest he had ever got to a boy, especially a boy as attractive as Louis. He was never attracted to any of the guys back home, having either grown up with them or them being his friends.

 

Harry knew it was going to happen before it actually did, but it didn't make the moment any less surreal. Their eyes met, their gazes latched and it was obvious what was to come next. However, the moment was so strange to Harry, almost an out of body experience. His brain couldn’t process what was happening, almost as if it were trying to make sense of the events. 

 

Harry remembered his heart beating fast as Louis slowly leant down and placed his lips on Harry’s own. Harry had been kissed multiple times before, so the sensation wasn’t new to him. It wasn’t like how they describe it in books or movies; it wasn’t fireworks or lightning shocks. It was the feeling of having warm honey tea when you have a sore throat or when you get home on a rainy day and crawl under the covers. It was a comforting feeling, a soothing feeling. Harry was kissing a boy for the first time in his life and the thought should scare him, _petrify_ him either. But it was comfortable and tender, and he was kissing _Louis_. Louis already knew Harry better than anyone, so he couldn’t help but melt into the moment.

 

Until Louis had to ruin it by freaking out.

 

They had barely kissed before Louis jumped off the bed, his eyes wide as he stared over at Harry in shock.

 

“Oh my God Harry… I’m so sorry!” Louis began to exclaim, panicked “Look I’m not usually like this, I… I know I’m gay but it doesn’t mean I just go kissing my best friends! I swear I don’t usually do that I… I just find you really attractive and I forgot… I forgot you are straight. Please don’t hate me, I swear I’ll never do it aga-“

 

“Lou” Harry murmured, causing the older lad to stop mid sentence “It’s okay, I’m not mad. I’m… I’m bisexual”

 

The words came out before Harry could even stop them. He was so concerned with getting Louis to stop rambling, that he hadn't even realised what he said until it was too late. He felt his body immediately freeze, shock spreading over every pore of his body. Louis had become silent too, standing just a foot’s length from Harry, not daring to say a word in response. He just let Harry process his words — the words he had never said out loud before in his life.

 

He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but no words came out. He looked up Louis, meeting the older man’s eyes, trying to say something, _anything_ to break the tension. 

 

Instead, he burst out crying.

 

Louis was by his side in an instant, holding Harry in his arms and letting him cry on his shoulder. Harry couldn’t pinpoint why he was crying at first as what he said wasn’t sad at all. He was just saying he was bisexual… so what? However, he soon came to the realisation that he was crying not out of sadness, but out of happiness. He had always been afraid to define his sexuality, to come out to someone and say that he didn’t like _just_ women. It was something he had bottled inside of him for so long, and now he was saying it out loud, for the first time, and it felt _so good_. 

 

He could tell Louis was worried so he was quick to compose himself, wiping his eyes.

 

“I’m fine Lou… I’m just so glad” Harry whispered, forcing a small wobbly smile to his face “I’ve never said that out loud before”

 

Louis replied with a grin “Well I’m glad you weren’t crying over me forcing myself on you. I honestly felt so bad, I thought you were never going to forgive me”

 

Harry shook his head “No, it’s okay Lou. I really didn’t mind at all… I actually wanted it to happen but I was too scared to admit so”

 

He could tell Louis was pleased with that answer and pulled Harry into his side. 

 

“I’ve liked you since I met you in those bathrooms, where you looked like a kicked puppy” Louis chuckled “But I didn’t think you’d wanna go for me. I mean I’m the shaggy haired, overly obnoxious bloke from Doncaster. Whereas you could make anyone swoon, just by looking at them”

 

“I wasn’t looking at just anyone Lou” Harry said, a bright sheepish smile on his face “I was only looking at you”

 

Louis rolled his eyes, muttering ‘sap’.

 

Harry pulled away from Louis once again, grabbing the latter’s face and turning it towards him. Once Louis met his eyes, he quickly leant in and gave him a soft peck on the lips. 

 

“I know this is sudden and there is still a lot to work through. I need to tell my parents about… this and we will need to tell the other lads but… I know I definitely wanna try this out Lou”.

 

“We can definitely ‘try this out’ Harry” Louis chuckled “We don’t have to put labels on it too soon if you don’t want. How about we just go with dating for now?”.

 

“Yeah” Harry agreed, his whole body suddenly feeling lighter then air “Dating sounds good”.

 

 

Harry and Louis drove up to the house after the gates opened and proceeded inside as soon as they got there. Harry lead Louis through to the kitchen, where the latter sat down at the counter whilst Harry prepared tea for the both of them. He made sure to get out the muffins left over from the day before and put them out. He could honestly say he was surprised when Louis accepted one, taking a bite into it whilst the water boiled. At Harry’s shocked expression, he raised an eyebrow.

 

“What? You and I both know you’re a good baker” Louis stated, taking another bite out of the baked good. Harry nodded and turned away to face the kettle, trying to hide the way his face lit up at the compliment. Harry’s baking was good, it wasn’t uncommon knowledge. Having worked at a bakery as a teen, he learnt a lot about creating delicious baked goods. It became something he liked to do in his spare time to destress from school or friendship groups and eventually, fame. Sometimes his work with One Direction got so tiring, so overwhelming that he would go home and bake. Louis used to love it, because their shared flat would smell like cinnamon, sugar and the sweet aroma of whatever other ingredients Harry would use. Most of the time when Harry baked now, memories of Louis would flood in his mind. His famous lemon cheesecake with a lime zest would always bring back memories of that time whilst he made it, when Louis bit into a lemon and spent a good five minutes choking, whilst Harry just laughed at him. His double chocolate cookies made him remember the time that Louis had ate a whole batch and proceeded to brag about it the next day to Niall, Liam and Zayn. His vanilla slice made him remember that time Louis snuck up on his in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around him from behind. Harry had turned his head back for a kiss which had proceeded to a make out session because Harry ‘tasted too damn good’. 

 

Harry didn’t bake for the last few years of One Direction, only beginning to do it again shortly after Adelaide was conceived. Baking became an outlet for him and it helped keep him grounded. Remembering Louis, remembering the good times, allowed him to recover rather then regress. 

 

After the water finished boiling, Harry proceeded to make their teas, not even asking Louis what he wanted. He hadn’t even realised to, until he was bring Louis his tea, to see the other man raising an eyebrow.

 

“Oh… uh… sorry” Harry muttered, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment “I just felt you still liked your tea the same. Yorkshire with just a splash of milk?”.

 

Louis was quiet for a few moments, before the tiniest hint of a smile crept onto his lips.

 

“You remembered” He replied as he took the mug from Harry’s hand “Thank you”.

 

They both took a sip of their respective teas, the tension in the room thickening like smog in the atmosphere.Harry didn’t know what to do or what to say. He wondered whether he should go and sit down next to Louis, but he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable with their close proximity. However, he didn’t know whether Louis would be feeling intimidated with Harry standing up before him. It was scary not knowing where he stood with someone, especially Louis. This was once the man he knew everything about; all his tells were once engrained in Harry’s mind. Now, he was a closed book to Harry, someone he barely knew. A _stranger_. Just the thought of it made Harry’s heart want to crumple like a ball of paper.

 

“Look… I know this is awkward and everything… it’s been a while and I know there are a lot of… unresolved issues between us. But really… I just want to know a bit more about Carter. I just… I didn’t watch her grow up and I want to learn more about her. I just want to fill in some of the missing pieces”.

 

Harry watched as Louis pursed his lips, before placing down his tea. He looked up at Harry.

 

“You can sit down next to me Harry. I don’t bite”

 

Harry blushed slightly but proceeded to do so, sitting down in one of the island seats. He made sure to keep a small distance between them though, as to not upset Louis. Louis played a little with the tea bag in his mug (that was another thing Louis loved about his tea, the tea bags left in) before beginning to talk.

 

“When I was pregnant with Carter, I always thought she was going to be a boy. As a foetus she was just so strong, she was always kicking me and moving around in me. It was super weird and I don’t know I guess I stereotyped her. I just thought: Carter was going to be a boy. No doubt about it. So I kind of already had the name Carter picked out, and I just called her it, even though I didn’t know the gender. I had a name if she were to be a girl, which you now know to be Amy. Carter doesn’t know why I picked Amy but I don’t know if you remember… but I picked it because of —“

 

“Amy Petersburgh” Harry whispered, the realisation suddenly dawning on him “The waitress from Los Angeles”

 

Louis nodded softly “Yeah. I remember promising to name my firstborn after her…. and so I did”

 

The memory had been one that Harry had forgotten — had put to the back of his mind for several years. Though he remembered it, he remember it clearly. That night had been a fond one for Harry and Louis, but it had also almost ended in them being caught by the paparazzi with their relationship exposed. If it hadn’t been for Amy… well.

 

**Flashback: 28 January 2012**

 

“Do you still find it weird? That people want our autographs?” Louis asked as he slipped into the booth “Because I sure do. I’m like… why the fuck would you want my autograph? Have you seen my writing?”

 

It was Saturday, which for Harry and Louis, meant date night. They had been having these date nights pretty much consistently since they began dating in 2010. It was one night a week that Harry and Louis just got to be HarryandLouis. They didn’t have to worry about pretending to be just “best mates” doing professional gigs in interviews or at the recording studio. They didn’t have to worry about the fans or the press or the constant pressure in public. As much as they loved their following and as much as they loved their new life, sometimes they just wanted to be boyfriends. Just that.

 

Usually date night consisted of them in a hotel room, or back home at their flat or at one of their houses in their hometowns. They rarely went out in public, in fear of being noticed. It was Harry’s worst fear, with him still trying to come to terms with his sexuality. His mum and step dad had been accepting, along with his biological father. Gemma was thrilled for him, already claiming she had known (apparently he wasn’t too subtle). The lads weren’t bothered, saying as long as they weren’t “face fucking in front of them all hours of the day” then there were no problems (this was in Niall’s words). 

 

They were currently in California, having returned for the first time since their filming of the What Makes You Beautiful music video. They had only arrived in Los Angeles the previous night, and had spent the whole day doing promotional videos/shots. They even had a photo shoot which was always a strange experience. Harry would never get over the fact that people wanted him to pose for pictures or the fact that people _wanted_ those pictures. It was still such a surreal experience.

 

For date night, Louis and Harry wanted to go out. They were sick of ordering take out or cooking meals from home. They were sick of staying cramped up in hotel rooms, flicking through the channels for something to watch. Louis and Harry rarely got to go out on a date, now with their popularity increasing. Management had been very strict on the fact that they weren’t to disclose their relationship to anyone apart from their close crew members, bandmates and family. Louis had been pissed off about that, because who was management to say that they couldn’t talk about their relationship? Harry never wanted to admit that he was relieved about the ‘rules’. He had only just revealed to his family his sexuality and wasn’t ready to disclose it to the world yet. He wanted to work on being in a relationship first, especially one with a guy. Louis ended up agreeing in the end and it hadn’t changed since.

 

As much as he would like to not have it be a secret anymore to some degree, Harry was still quite glad that they were. Not only was it still giving him time to process everything, but it allowed him time to get to know Louis. If everyone knew they were a couple, the two would rarely get alone time. They would be hounded, badgered and have their faces plastered. Apparently One Direction was starting to become a success, but that was by their own merit. He wold of hated it if they only gained attention because two of the band members were in a public _gay_ relationship. It would of made him feel sick to his stomach, especially for people such as Zayn, Liam and Niall, who deserved all the recognition as well. 

 

So Harry was happy that they were a secret from the public eye.

 

However, it did cause problems such as trying to go on dates. Such as then. They usually tried to rope the guys into going out with them so it could be like a date within a group outing. The guys had done it a couple of times with them back home, even though more or less it just turned into a group meet rather then a date. They had never cared because as Louis said ‘good food, good company, what is there not to love?’. However, sometimes they wanted time alone, just the two of them. So they decided it was going to be whilst they were in LA.

 

Harry zapped out first, whilst the fans were busy with Niall, who was out the front meeting them. They already had a following in America, which was hard to believe. They had about twenty fans outside their hotel currently which was scary but amazing at the same time. So, to not arouse any suspicion from them, Niall had taken pictures and signed autographs so Harry could leave. Around twenty minutes later, Louis left with Zayn and Liam, signing autographs and taking pictures. 

 

If any fan were to ask: _Where’s Harry?_ The boys knew to reply _Harry is sick_. It would make fans less likely to expect him around. 

 

Louis was then set to leave with Liam and Zayn, all of them being dropped a street down from the restaurant. Liam and Zayn went one way, planning to go to the movies and get dinner (with Niall meeting them later) whereas Louis walked the opposite way to meet Harry. It was a plan devised by them on the plane ride over, one that took the whole flight to plan. Harry and Louis were lucky for the guys and their enthusiasm to help them — honestly they wouldn’t know what to do if they didn’t have them.

 

So as Louis sat down in front of Harry, a bright grin on his face, he knew that their plan had worked.

 

“Hey, love” Harry murmured, watching as Louis’ eyes lit up at the endearment.

 

“Hello to you darling” Louis greeted with a wink “Can’t believe we are actually here… holy shit”

 

“I know” Harry replied, looking around at the restaurant. They had been put in the far back corner, away from most of the other people. Luckily, no one seemed to recognise them and were all just interested in their own conversations and meals. It made Harry feel safe, knowing he didn’t have to be so hyperaware the whole time. He could just be safe, and eat his food and talk to his boyfriend without the concern of others listening in. 

 

He hadn’t expected to be able to do this with Louis so soon, but his boyfriend had been confident. Mid last year, Harry had met a girl called Eleanor Calder at a fashion event he had been attending with a friend. She was a fashion student from Manchester, who was hilarious and had admitted to him that she had been a fan of their music. They had become good acquaintances, even exchanging phone details before the night ended. Later on, Harry and Louis held a joint party at their London flat, in which Harry had invited Eleanor to. Eventually the three of them ended up in a conversation about the relationship between Harry and Louis came to light (obviously alcohol had some part to play). A few weeks later, Louis was saying in a relationship that he and Eleanor were dating. 

 

Eleanor was a beard, a girl pretending to date Louis so he could hate his sexuality/relationship. Harry was in no way bothered by the relationship. Eleanor was lovely and a good friend of theirs. She hadn’t asked for any income, nor accepted the offer their management had put out. She was just doing it as a favour, which the two of them were grateful for. It was thanks to her, that they had less of a pressure on their backs to keep a distance. They could be around each other more, without the risk of rumours flying.

 

So instead of tensing and keeping on alert, Harry relaxed in his seat.

 

A couple minutes after Louis had arrived, the waitress came over to take their order. She was a young girl, only in her teens, obviously working there as part time work. She recognised them as soon as she walked over, her eyes widening and her mouth parting slightly. However, before either of the boys could comment, she just smiled and asked for their orders. 

 

After she had taken them, she had walked away and Harry had begun to panic.

 

“What if she posts it on social media?” He questioned, turning to look at Louis worried. The other man shook his head.

 

“She won’t, I’m sure of it” Louis replied “Come on Harry, have a little faith”

 

So Harry focused on Louis and slowly the night wore on. For the most part, it had been amazing. The food had been good, the conversations had been good and Harry had enjoyed it all with the man he was in love with. The night had begun to give Harry some hope, about his life further on down the track. Nights like this, when it was just Louis and him, allowed him to have small bursts of confidence. Maybe he could come out. Maybe he could be comfortable with his sexuality. If he had Louis by his side, what’s the worst that could happen?

 

So of course, that’s when it did take a torn for the worse.

 

Their waitress, the teenager, came over panicked.

 

“I’m sorry but there is a hoard of fans outside and a paparazzi” She said, a panicked look in her eyes.

 

Harry’s immediate thought was that she had made it known on social media. She knew who they were, seemed to be efficient with technology and was one of the only people to know of their whereabouts. Harry didn’t say anything to her but was glaring at her quietly.

 

“Do they know it’s both of us here?” Louis asked quietly.

 

The girl shook her head “No, they only think it’s you. I haven’t said anything otherwise. I was coming over to get you so you can follow me through to the back. There’s no way they can get around to there without knowing a code so you’ll be safe. You can call someone there and we’ll let them through to get you”

 

Harry still felt quite anxious about what wold happen, but a small bout of relief swirled in his chest. Louis paid the check and then the two of them were led through past the bathrooms to the back storage area that led out to the back alley. Whilst Louis talked on the phone to Paul, their security manager, Harry turned to the waitress, who was standing here awkwardly as if she didn’t know what to do.

 

“Do you know how they found out?” He asked.

 

“There was a few girls in here trying to get a table, but my co workers and I could tell they probably weren’t going to buy food. They were 12? 13? No parents with them. I overheard them talking and apparently one of them had followed Louis to here. They had no idea that you were here though, just that he was. I’m guessing they were the ones that leaked it”

 

“Oh” Harry said, suddenly feeling like shit “I’m sorry, I had assumed it was you… I really hope you aren’t mad”

 

The girl just shrugged “I would if I was you too. No judgement here”

 

It was then that Louis returned, saying that Paul was on his way and wouldn’t be long. The girl had gone off to notify her manager and coworkers and had returned just in time to open the automatic gate for Paul to drive on in. As they were planning to leave, Louis turned to the girl with a solemn expression on his face.

 

“I hope… I hope you don't tell anyone about us” Louis said “It’s pretty crucial to everyone that we keep it a secret for now… so if you could please not mention it anyone”

 

The girl shook her head frantically “No, I would never! I think it’s honestly wrong to out people before they are ready. My… my ex girlfriend did that. Outed me to everyone when she broke up with me. I had a rough few months with my family and friends, it was really hard. I just want to say that I think you two are wonderful and… and I hope you continue to be happy”

 

Harry had small tears welling up in his eyes “Thank you very much… I’m sorry, I believe we never got your name”

 

She smiled sheepishly “I had been too nervous when we met to introduce myself like I usually would. I’m Amy… Amy Petersburgh”

 

“Well Amy” Louis grinned “Thank you so much for your kind words and for helping us out of this. We’re gonna name our first born after you, swear on me life”

 

Amy giggled before waving goodbye as the two of them hurried out the back door and into the car awaiting for them. Paul turned to look at them from the drivers seat, a frown on his face.

 

“Never do that again… you hear me?” He muttered before driving the car back out onto the main road. 

 

 

 

“Carter has always been a mini me, really” Louis said, drumming his fingers on the counter top “I think I gave her my footy love and my trait of stubbornness. She is one stubborn girl, if she thinks something is unfair or is really against it, she won’t just let it go. I rarely fight with her but the first we’ve had are because we are both too stubborn to see eye to eye. She also has the same passion for music as me, except not for the singing, musical instrument playing or song writing section. She just loves to listen to it and is obsessed with always finding new tunes she can sink her teeth into. Though I guess she could get that from you too. I didn’t know… if I believed in the whole nature/nurture debate. I didn’t really know if nature had a huge role to play, you know? I never wanted it to, considering who my own biological father was. Though I can tell from raising Carter that it does have something to do with who they are.

 

“Carter’s a lot like you in subtle ways. Like the way she always watches people, observes what they are doing. Or the way she likes silence when she cooks, or reads, or does things. Having a kid, you learnt to love silence, which I’m sure you can relate to. However, I feel that she loves it on a level far from what I can understand, but I think you can. It was something you always loved, when you baked or cooked. So I see a lot of you in her with that. She’s also amazingly intelligent on every level. The books she reads, definitely remind me of a mini you. I remember how you bought a couple of books to bootcamp and spent the nights holed up in their reading. She’s a lot like that. She reads every night and over the break if she can. I encouraged reading a lot as she grew up, but I feel it was also this innate thing in her, this desire that came from you. She has a similar sombreness you know? A similar sort of expression when she reads. Her eyebrows furrow and her eyes just intensely stare at the pages. It was what you used to do, pretty much every time you read”

 

Harry nodded along listening intently. Louis was finally talking to him, about their daughter, he didn’t to interrupt or forget this for one second.

 

“I never wanted to hide you from her… it’s no surprise that you hurt me… quite a lot” Harry felt his heart cracking as he watched Louis paused, almost as if he was trying to keep himself composed ‘I… I didn’t feel it was right for me and right for Carter to be around you… I… I was scared Harry. I was scared of you and I didn’t know how to cope. So I took her and… that was that. But once she was born, I knew I wasn’t going to keep you a secret. So when she was old enough to understand, I began telling her about you. You were always Dad, never Harry. She loved you from the moment I begun my story telling and you were her favourite thing to hear about at night. She always wanted to hear about her daddy, even though she had plenty of books on her bedside table that I could read to her at night. So, I usually obliged for the most part, and I saw her love you more and more everyday.

 

“She… she didn’t know what happened between us but she knew enough to know that you hurt me. But I think despite that, she still wanted to meet you, which is why she came all the way here. I think she grew up with those stories and me always pointing out the similarities between you and her. I think she couldn’t stand not knowing you any longer and I just… I never wanted to keep her from you but at the same time, I was too scared when I was pregnant to be around you and I just… I just… I was too nervous, to anxious after a while to see whether you had changed. I didn’t want to show up unannounced with our daughter after keeping her from you. I still didn’t want to to this day cause I didn’t know who you are as a person, I didn’t know whether you had changed

 

“But it’s been two weeks and I can honestly say… that you have and I just want you to know that I trust you around Carter. I can’t say much for myself… you still hurt me and I’m still not sure if I will ever be able to forgive you but I know that when it comes down to it. I want you to be in Carter’s life”

 

Louis had tears welling up in his eyes at the end of what he was saying, but Harry thought it was never compared to himself. Harry was a blubbering mess, Louis’ words providing him more comfort then he cared to admit. He was quick to wipe his eyes with his arms, trying not to show that he was such a baby in front of his ex boyfriend. 

 

“I know it’s been hard for you and I just want to say thank you” Harry whispered “I know it wasn’t your choice in the first place for Carter and I to meet but I’m glad you didn’t stop it once it had begun because she’s an amazing, beautiful girl and you have done a fantastic job raising her. I know I haven’t known her long, barely 11 days but… I love her so much and I can’t imagine not having her in my life anymore. So really thank you and I… I just really wanted to show you something to show how serious I am about this”

 

Harry left Louis in the kitchen and quickly ran to his study, going into the drawer to get out one of the many small items he’d been wanting to show Louis for years. He returned back to see Louis looking at him curiously, as well as a bit reserved. Harry smiled softly as he sat down, gently placing the small chip into Louis’ hand. Harry watched as Louis looked at it confused, before he understood what it meant. His eyes widened marginally and he froze, his eyes fixated on the small circle. He looked up at Harry slowly, surprise the only expression you could find on his face.

 

“Harry… does this mean…?”

 

“Fourteen years sober” Harry replied, looking at the item “I’ve haven’t had… anything in over fourteen years. I stopped in November of 2017, a little after I found out about Adelaide and I just… I never felt the need to go back. Still haven’t to this day”

 

The bronze medal still remained in Louis’ hand, was a positive reminder of what Harry had accomplished. Around the rim of it, it had the words: to thine own self be true; with the worlds unity, service and recovery in towards the middle. In the centre, the roman numerals XIV were projected, showing that it had been fourteen years. Fourteen years of Harry having to change for not only himself but for everyone. He had one of these for each of the first 12 months of the process and then one for every year following.

 

Louis gently passed it back and Harry could see a small bit more lightness to Louis’ eyes, a shine that wasn’t there before.

 

“Thank you for showing me this” He said, clearing his throat slightly “I’m… I’m proud of you Harry”

 

Upon hearing those words, Harry couldn’t help it — he began to cry. Warm, salty tears ran down his cheeks and snot formed at his nostrils. It was embarrassing, awfully mortifying. He had cried so much lately he couldn’t help but wonder if they were actually any water left in his body. But this had been the words he had wanted Louis to say to him in so long, after so many years of being estranged, after so many years of hurting everyone. He wanted Louis to know that he had changed, that he wasn’t the man he was before. And for Louis to say those words, after all this time, was too much for Harry to process. 

 

Then it happened… something that made Harry lose it all together. It was something that he hadn’t expected to happen ever again; he expected it to be just a fond memory, a touch that he would just remember in his mind. It was so unexpected that Harry almost stopped breathing. 

 

Louis stood up so that could lean forward and hug Harry.

 

Harry sat still, his sobbing halted as Louis gently wrapped his arms around him. Louis held him as if you would hold a small child. He had one arm around his back and the other behind Harry’s head, holding it to his chest. The tears continued almost immediately, Harry crumbling into the touch of his former lover. It was so strange and so foreign yet so familiar at the same time. The hug was strange in the sense that it had been many years since they had hugged or even really touched and there had been a lot of build up tension and distance for the hug to be considered intimate. Yet at the same time, the hug was comforting, reassuring. Louis was hugging Harry to show his commiseration. The support was enough to allow Harry to cry into Louis’ chest, despite the fact that they weren’t even near friends at this point. 

 

The hug was a lot shorter then Harry wanted it to be, Louis pulling away after Harry’s sobs slowly turned to whimpers. Louis reached over and grabbed a tissue box so Harry could wipe away the mess on his face. As he begun to do so, he noticed that Louis went into the kitchen. Harry watched as he refilled the kettle and got the tea bags out ready. Harry hadn’t even noticed that they had finished their teas during their discussion. Louis had talked a lot about Carter as a baby and a toddler, just before the got on the topic of conversation about him. Harry had been too engaged in the stories to notice his near empty drink.

 

Harry watched as Louis busied himself around the kitchen, finding his way to everything as if it were his own home. He began to make the teas and Harry noticed that Louis too remembered how he liked his tea. Sometimes, it’s hard to forget even just the simplest facts about another. Though, the way Louis seemed more relaxed, more comfortable made Harry feel positive. He didn’t know what the future held for him and Louis, but the fact that progress had been made today, even minor, was enough.

 

And when Harry caught Louis’ eye and smiled and the latter smiled back; Harry felt that maybe.

 

Just maybe.

 

Things would be all right.

 

 

 

**END OF PART ll**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will no longer be completed, for more information, read my post here. I'm sorry and I hope you all understand: https://ilovetodreamx.tumblr.com/post/177730231747/a-million-dreams


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